NEED ADVICE ON MY FOUR YEAR DAUGHTER? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hey Ladies,
So this is my issue, I honestly don't know if any of you have went through this.... I'm really hoping that someone on here can help or give me some kind of idea on what to do about this...
My daughter is four, We have been having a lot of problems with her and her attitude, her not listening, mostly she says that she doesn't want to or she doesn't like it. if she can't do something she freaks and cries and screams and says that she cant and she isn't going to.
Today she watching a movie in her room, and later on throughout the day I went into her room and there was this smell.... So I asked her what the smell was and she said that she pooped in her room I said what do you mean, Why didnt you go to the bathroom... she said that she couldnt make it... but she managed to get her pants and underwear off and pooped on the floor.... So we cleaned it up and I gave her a talking to.. I yelled a bit and went on with our day.
When her father got home, we were talking about and he went into her room and asked why she did it, she told him that it was because she want to MISS HER MOVIE..... Then right before bed I find a blanket that is covered in pee.... SHE SAID THAT SAME THING.... SHE DIDNT WANT TO MISS HER MOVIE....
What is going on with this? someone has to be able to tell me something or give some advice on how to deal with this..... I am so lost and dont know what to do? PLEASE HELP
Thank you for reading.

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Ev - posted on 04/09/2013

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I have to agree with Liz H here on this one. There is no reason a four year old needs a tv in their room. My 16 year old does not have one in his room. He has a room at his dad's house he shares with step brothers and they do not have one in there either. The point is that the TV needs to come out of the room. Also the same when it comes to computers.

That being said, you have to understand that at four years old they really start to show their independence and use what they can to try to hold some sort of power in their world and it seems that throwing fits and pooping/peeing in her room are what she resorts to. You need to establish some basic rules for her to follow for her age and then make them more complex as she grows keeping the same ones. Make sure some sort of consequence follows what she does that she does not need to do. If you do not do that now, she will be running you over for the rest of your lives.

Liz - posted on 04/09/2013

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Firstly, take the TV out of her room. It's already a problem and will become more of one as she gets older and you're totally unable to supervise what she is or is not accessing in there. Eventually you'll need to have the same approach to any kind of computer as well. These things in a child's bedroom are not appropriate.

Introduce some rules: TV is only watched in a communal area. It must be paused, stopped or missed for her to go to the bathroom when she needs to go OR she doesn't get to watch TV at all, period.

You don't say how much TV she is watching, but she shouldn't be watching more than an absolute maximum of 2 hours per day at her age...and even that is really too much. Do you encourage her to do other things? Creative play? Paints, drawing, riding a bike etc?

Also, how do you usually discipline her when she doesn't listen to you?

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Jennifer - posted on 04/12/2013

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Hey Liz,
I don't believe so.... Her days are pretty regular.... But My father had a stroke back at the beginning of November, she was very close with him and seen him pretty much everyday. Now since his stroke he can't talk or walk... We go and see him a lot and she talks to him the way the she use to, she tells him story and plays with him the best that she can.... we talk about him a lot and see is very open about asking questions about him and we answer the best we can for her to understand... this acting out just recently started and it has been in this condition since November 1st. I don't think that is what would be causing this. I believe if it was that it would have happened long ago.... Her uncle moved in with us also just before Christmas and she loves having him here.... Other then those Two things nothing her life has changed at all? do you think maybe it something on these lines though?
Please reply back and let me know?
Thank you.

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2013

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Thanks girls.
The TV came out of the bedroom as soon as it happened, She never watcher too much of it, she was lucky to watch 2 movies a week in her room, she doesnt watcher a lot of tv at all, She ride her bike, does arts and crafts, she is in dance and tae kwon do. plus she is at school 3 times a week.. She gets lot of love affection. Im a stay at home mom, on her days that she is home from school we spend the whole day doing things together playing reading books.
disciplining her I find is very difficult, I have taken toys away, made her miss her dance classes and tae kwon do classes.. she has time outs, she stands in corner..... When we take toys away from her she hands us other toys and says take this one too I dont want it.
When she misses dance she says that is fine I dont want to go anyways....
nothing I do seems to effect her so she realizes that if she didnt do what ever she did this wouldnt have happened.
Im looking for some pointers on how to get this acting out or whatever it is that she is doing to stop... or maybe an idea how to find out just whats going on with her? I am so confused and so frustrated. Im starting to feel like its me and Im a bad mom or something,.. Like Im making her do this or something?

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