Sarah - posted on 10/04/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )
When my family and I went to the beach this summer we had a really good time. I enjoy being around my family for the most part. I always feel like the odd ball out sometimes, like I don't mix well. My husband couldn't go with us because he was in rehab at the VA this summer, he could have gotten the week but my mom said he wan't allowed to go. My husband was in rehab for alcohol and doing great. Was getting out in a few weeks at this point in time.
I am alwasy been a very self conscience person...I am anything but skinny...but not realy heavy...lets just say curvy. The rest of my family are thin, besically everyhting i want to be but I'm not. I always felt like the ugly duckling of the group. Which being at the beach in a bathing suit is definitely not an ego booster for me. I told my mom if weeather permits I would wear a snow suit. I just don't feel comfortable in my own body. But I still had a nice time though.
Two days before we were leaving I wanted to let pictures of my daughter in this cute mermaid outfit. My brothers girlfriend brought her good camera but with the humidity it would work because it would fog the len up. So I went back to the towels because i had another outfit I wanted to take picture in.
With my brothers girlfriend camera not working I wanted to use my iphone. My brother started throwing a fit. He said that the pictures wont look as nice and he wanted to get pictures at dusk of her with the camera. I told him that I wanted to get some reguardless because it's supposed to rain that evening, and I just wanted to have photos just in case. Well he started to get pissed and I told him it wasn't his decision to make.
Then he went off. My mom...brother...brothers girlfriend....my daughter were all sitting on the blanket. He started calling a low life piece of s***...who isn't raising her daughter..our mother is. You did'nt buy that outfit...our mom did you can't afford to buy anything. You have alcoholic husband that is in rehab...you are such a loser of a person. You big fat piece of s***, you don't deserve to he a mom. You will never amount to be anything but a welfare mother.
He went off on me for about 15 minutes in front of everyone on the beach. Complete strangers were just looking and stairing. I was crying of course and i was getting up to leave to go back to the room and mom my says no stay here with me. I didn't want my daughter aound my brothers behavior. So I said well I am going for a walk/
I know when I went for the walk with my mom I was crying and just humilated, embarrassed etc. I just wanted to die. I felt like everyone was stairing at me on the beach.
I know I said something that I normally wouldn't say I honestly can't remember what I said, but it was in front of our mom.
she turned to me and said "don't you dare say that...that is my son that you are talking about."
I looked at her and said "but you have no issue with him tearing me apart in front of hundreds on people on the beach...you never say anything ever." and she said "I can't control him."
It was the first and only time I ever wanted to say FU to my mom. Which I am not one to raising your voice to my parents...swearing...etc.
I am still very hurt over this. I told my mom I will not do anymore family vacations ever again. I am done. Everytime we are together I get torn apart by him. And I can't take it anymore. She said to me "that is your decision."
I feel like I don't matter and that she liked what my brother was saying about me. And deep down inside I fear that the stuff he was saying to be she believes in some way. Because she will never stick up for me with him...or if I try to stick up for myself she will say "be quiet." or whatever she can to dismiss it.
I am just done.
What are your thoughts?