Need advice to know I am doing the right thing with my son's father ???

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Ok my son's father lives a hour and a half away. For 5 years I have recieved not even a ent of money. His mom has gave me money here and there for only gas so they could see him. I feel they do not respect me. Everytime I set a set date to get him home they will not bring him something conviently always happens. Not to mention his dad has no driver's license/ no job. Our son loves to go there he plays video games the whole time. But he has mention daddy doesn't have much food. So I just don't like the enviornment. They have threatned many times in the past 5 years that his mom was DCFS that they were going to get custody of him. But now that i finally went to a lawyer I found out all there lies were just threats. This past week he was suppose to be back Tues on Wed they said had a excuse so I gave them till THUR morning JULY 4th to get him home. They once again didn't and so i told them i would be there with the cops and so I did and he handed him right over but that again was him getting his way for me to pick him up. So i told him for now on if he wants to see him he would have to find a way to where we are and he can just visit for a few hours that is it!!! I am done with all this they have done this to me countless times. They think they have the upper hand and they do not no court order nothing. I do all this in the niceness and really for my son just to see them. They harass me all the time and I am done. So last night they call and his dad says when you coming over to daddy's and of course I have to explain to a 5 year old that he can see daddy but mommy has to be there. I am the bad guy in the end it looks like idk what to do advice to tell me what I am doing right or wrong would be great...

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Lakota - posted on 07/08/2013

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I'm thinking he hasn't pushed the issue to go to court because he knows he will be ordered to pay child support. Personally, I think you should trust your instincts. You had to call the cops to get him back. I would do the same thing you are doing. Get that court order.

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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No nothing is in place he has no money for a lawyer I have a lawyer though and... no visitation rights so he does not have any rights at all. Every state has different laws so from what I know and my uncle is a judge here and he is also a source that has told me I mae the decisions for him only!!! Until his father wants to bring me to court for his rights!

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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Actually a Lawyer told me I am sole custody so yes I do have the right ... He can not even support himself let alone a child so really yea I had the cops tell me I am sole custody since we never were married and no court order it automatically goes to me in Illinois..

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Jodi - posted on 07/08/2013

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"I was never saying he doesn't have any rights just right now he has none without a court order"

Neither do you. Just get the court order and then the issue is resolved. I am surprised, if you have a lawyer, this hasn't been done already.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2013

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Also, be aware if you ex moves out of state and established residency there, he can go to court and try for custody there. If he does that then two states are going to be harder to deal with than one.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

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I give up, Alexandra.

I never said you are an idiot. However, I see that you will interpret any answer that you get to either A) fully agree with what you want to hear, or B) claim that we think you're stupid, and disregard perfectly good advice.

Read Evelyn's response.

If you do not have a court order in place, (regardless of the fact that you have a lawyer and he doesn't), if there is not an order in place, your ex has just as much right to that child. If he wants to take him on vacay, out of state, out of the damned country, HE CAN, if you don't have an order in place.

And, my dear, I wasn't stating that you're stupid, but from the sounds of your post, you COULD be the type to twist the damn order around so that you think it reads that he has absolutely no access to the kid, which is why I advised you to adhere fully to the extent of the order, and not your (or anyone else's) interpretation of it.

The least you could do, if responding to a post by that person's name, is spell the name correctly... ;-)

Ev - posted on 07/08/2013

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Actually, a man and woman both have rights to the child without a custody order in place. That means that even if he took the child on a vacation out of state or the country, there is nothing legally you can do about it. The same would go for you doing the same thing too. Also it takes a signature by both parents for a passport no matter who has the custody.

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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I am not a idiot Shawn I know I can't abide the court order now he on the other hand would and probably dissapear with my son

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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Obviously he has his right but he is not able to get a lawyer to get those rights so right now...and he is 5 now so he has had a chance to do so and I was never saying he doesn't have any rights just right now he has none without a court order

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

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Just so long as you understand, Alexandra, that he also has the right to petition for custody, visitation, and support as well.

You have to understand that the baby took two to create, and both have equal "rights" when it comes to the baby. Visitation and support are two separate issues with the courts, as are custody and support. Visitation will not be stricken because of non payment of support, nor should it be.

My point is that once you get the court order, abide by it. Don't "decide" on your own (or with anyone else's advice...if it's not in the court order, you can't "decide" to do it differently) to change what that order says.

Joy - posted on 07/08/2013

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I agree. I think you need to get court order. He can't keep doing to you. Don't feel like you are taking away his right, you just need to make sure that your kid is safe.

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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Thanks Lakota and yea he said I have screwed up his life for taking him for child support

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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Thank you Evelyn I actually go to court tomorrow for child support and he is flipping out on me about that!!Saying I am screwing up his life because no he deff will not get a license and so on. I am trying to make it right but he is so against it. I just don't want him to do anything crazy. I guess .. i don't care that I have family that is in the court system I don't use that as a weapon like he does that his mom is DCFS I support my child by myself he doesn't help at all. Yes he wants to be in his life and I want him to be too but not with him threatning me all the time. Just wish it was easier and he was a good example for our son.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2013

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Alexandra--Having family in the court system as judges or lawyers is great and all, but it is very biased when it comes to relatives. No judge in their right mind who follows the law is going to just tell you that you have full custody without it in writing. That is how its done in all states. You have to have the paperwork set up through the court to make it legal. Take him to court. He can speak for himself without a lawyer there. Do it right or you might find yourself in a pickle of a problem.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2013

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A lawyer "telling you" and a judge actually granting a custody order are two totally separate things.

Do you have a court order for visitation/custody in place? If not, no lawyer "telling you" that you have sole custody is going to actually legally fly.

Alexandra - posted on 07/08/2013

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I would never keep him away from his dad he loves his dad but they are not gunna put me through hell everytime they have them and when I have no money to be driving there and back.. so no they want to see him they can come visit..

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2013

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Time to get a court order.......
He does have rights, so you are not doing this out of the goodness of your heart, but because he is the father and has rights, but you definitely need a court order to back you up. However you have no right to tell him it must be supervised by you - only the court can order that.

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