need advice unsure what to do ?Stay in a loveless Marriage or leave

Gaynor - posted on 11/14/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i need advice please. Since july this year i have been sleeping separately in my living room from my husband (we been married for 5 years ) and i can't stand being with him anymore as he keeps things from me , he tells his family one thing and does the opposite and he constantly lies and bulls**ts and he has a very strict routine every day in which he does the same thing again and again and he is in bed by 9-30 to 10pm but he is in the bedroom all the time. sex is non existence and when it is its all him its like wham, bam, thank you mam (don't want to go into much detail but foreplay it's more what i do to him than its what he does to me ) he says he loves me but does Nothing to show it (am i being selfish here??? ) he says i am showing it as i wash up the pots for you and i help tidy up the house . he doesn't do anything like on the spur of the moment or anything like that and thing has gotten really really boring there is constant tension in the home as he does not get on with his kids at all as all he wants is me all to himself. living with the bickering for the last 5 years is now taking it toll on me and i can't take anymore and i feel like leaving but i can't as i am my sons carer . i have no friends at all to talk too and cant really talk to my family as they was against it from the beginning some advise or recommendations please as i dont know what to do

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Gaynor - posted on 11/19/2015

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being in this relationship i put up with lots of things. when he returned to me he returned to me with this drinking problem because that how he handled his problems when he was on his own and when we were newly weds he drank alot (whiskey) saying he was drinking because it kept colds away, until the day he physically hurt me by kicking me in the stomach as i bent down to help him up after he blacked out from drinking , he thought i was attacking him but he kicked me several times . i never really forgiven him for that but he stopped drinking and he drinks at parties and christmas but only then. i am still scared ,if he will drink again. its the only ever time he has physically hurt me . but emotionally and mentally i have put up with him , telling me what to wear , wearing long sleeved t shirts in summer or cant show a little neck line or a tiny bit of cleavage ( i told him the only person who tell me what i wear is me not you and he comes out with but other men can see your boobs and when my father and brothers come around to visit ,he would do a little cough or look like they can see my boobs but they dont ), telling me when to be in for , staying up for me until i return home and looking out of the window watching me come home , telling me to go bed at 9.30 and because i read before i go to bed i have to turn off the light before 10pm as the light disturbs him (i sorted that problem out i got a tablet to read books on and it has a low light and asked him are you my dad as i am a grown woman stop telling me what to do. ask me do not tell me ) the only thing we do together as a couple is doing a computer course and that's once a week . i wouldn't say the spark has gone from our relationship but i think its long gone out and we are just together because we have nobody else . can you still be classed as married when you are more like friends . i have given him more chances than i would like to even though i have known him for 27 years , i just wish he was a bit more romantic, more spontaneous , more life in him instead of being so boring , please anyone . i thought you would need some more background

Gaynor - posted on 11/14/2015

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we cannot afford relationship counselling and its me who wants out as i can't deal with it anymore , i had enough of being the strong one ,keeping everything and everyone together . i cant keep doing it anymore , i tried to make things better , i tried spicing up our sex life but it all changes for a few days and things go back to the way it was . when you tried so hard and not all the glue in the world can't put you back together that's how i feel with my marriage , i care what will happen to him but that's all
i have known my husband for now 27 years off and on and i hoped he would become more caring but truthfully he hasn't

Jodi - posted on 11/14/2015

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Ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want to set an example for your children in their future relationships.......

Have you guys ever had relationship counselling?

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