Need Hateful In Law Advice

Kimberly - posted on 08/28/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My MIL and FIL invited their selves to come live with me and my husband 1 month before baby comes and 1 month after baby while I was 6 months pregnant. I don't care for them. They are extremely rude to me and disrespectful every time I see them. I only see them once a year when they stay with us for a month...which makes me crazy! I wrote a message to MIL on facebook telling her I wasn't going to be ok with them staying here while I was having my first baby. I was very nice in the letter and explained my concerns. Then my husband got a message from her and she flips out on him. Calling me a psychopath and I don't know what life is about...etc... She told him to grow balls and then she decided they weren't coming here and said f me and f my baby. He didn't talk to her for the rest of my pregnancy. Now since I had my baby six weeks old they are moving here to my town and are excited to be around my baby. I'm not someone who forgives people easily. I don't appreciate her calling me names or saying f my baby, who wasn't born yet. She never apologized and I don't think I did anything wrong. I just didn't want two adults in my tiny house smoking cigarettes all day inside and being in the same room with me 24/7 while my husband worked...I wanted to nest and be alone to get rest. What do you think about me letting her in my babies life? I don't trust her or want her near my baby. My own mother would never say the things she said so it's hard for me to let her see my baby. Plus her husband said he was a child molester when I was six months pregnant and my husband heard him. I know he was joking but who jokes about that?! So now I really don't either one of them near my baby. What do you think I should do ? They are moving here at the end of September and need advice because I have no one talk to. Please help....thanks

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Sarah - posted on 08/29/2016

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I agree, if you husband is standing next to you and they address you as "hi bitch" I'd slam the door in their faces. But you have got to have your spouse on the same page lest it divide you.

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2016

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Where is your husband when they speak to you like this? I'm sorry, but why is he not stepping in then? I'd be holding him accountable for stepping up and defending you here, and if he can't do that, then I think I'd leave for the duration, and consider counselling with my husband before I would agree to return.

Kimberly - posted on 08/29/2016

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Thank you all! I will try to forgive and forget. But if they continue to say "hi bitch" every time they see me and be rude to me ill end all visits. As for my husband ill work on him putting his family first and not his mom. Me and my baby should be his number one priority. I'm sure when they get here ill be writing post about them and the baby so hopefully it's good stuff and not bad. Thanks again!

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2016

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I understand, I hope you and your husband get on the same page. You want the best for your child. What is done is done. I don't suggest you hand your baby over to them and trust blindly. But reach out, invite them over, have hubby ask them not to smoke at all while there (inside or outside) and slowly, visit by visit they can show you they mean no harm. If they do? Then you end it.

Kimberly - posted on 08/29/2016

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I totally agree with you. I shouldn't have handled his parents the way I did. I talked to him about telling them that it wasn't a good idea but he never talked to them or talked about this subject to me after I spoke to him about it. He did agree having them in our house wasn't going to work but never did anything about it. I saw they were packing their stuff, looking for a house, and planning to stay here with out our approval so i felt like I had to say something before they came knocking on my door. I wasn't rude or anything in the message just stating my boundaries. My husband has said he was sorry for not telling them and next time I have a concern hell take me or seriously. He doesn't take my side on everything and I that's fine but having two extra adults in my house with me was causing me stress. I was on medication because of this and the stress it caused. Now that it is over I'm trying to move on from this but it's hard and after my FIL said what he said it's going to be hard to be around them.

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Jodi - posted on 08/31/2016

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Sounds like time for some counselling with your husband. This is not a fair situation in your marriage, and you are being treated with disrespect. If you express to him that something like this is making you feel upset, then he needs to respect that, not dismiss it. Sorry, but I'd be incredibly upset at him for not stepping up.

Sarah - posted on 08/31/2016

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Then I'd tell your hubby wither he discussed this with them or you will. You do not need to be disrespected in front of your child. A simple "we don't talk like that in this house" with a serious face should help. They do want to be able to see their grandchild after all, right?

Kimberly - posted on 08/31/2016

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My husband is right beside me when they say hi bitch. I've asked him several times to ask him to stop greeting me this way and he doesn't do anything about it. He says it's just my FIL personality and that's how he talks. I don't like it or appreciate it. His sense of humor doesn't seem funny around me...he is from Boston. I'm a north Carolina girl. He makes me feel like his mom's and dads feelings are more important than mine...maybe that's why he doesn't stand up to them. I have bigger balls than he does...I don't mind saying how I feel. I'm honestly trying to get him to handle things with his parents since I've been told to do so. I don't want my child to think it's ok for people to disrespect me and her learn to do that to me. No one else talks to me that way. Only his parents.

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2016

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I agree, you need to get hubby on board and broker a truce. You are angry, and you don't like them but they are still your husband's parents and your baby's grandparents. Rules about smoking etc need to be set in stone, told to them by your husband and are not up for negotiation. You may not have done anything wrong. but you did hurt their feelings or they would not have totally overreacted. Maybe they had visions of coming and help support you after the baby arrived. Without a conversation that includes both parties being willing to put this to bed, you are in for a long miserable time. LIfe is short and grandparents can bring a special love to a child. After they move here, you can make an effort to get to know them and build some trust.

Ev - posted on 08/29/2016

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I have to agree with Jodi. The best thing you could have done was to have him tell them how you feel about their insisting on doing things they wanted without regards to what you wanted. YOU were not wrong in wanting to have things to yourself before and right after birth. The lease they could have done was respected the space. You also have the right to dictate about who can come and when, issues regarding smoking in and out of the house around a baby/child, and how long the visits can be. But you need to work with your husband not do this alone.

Jodi - posted on 08/28/2016

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Really, you should have let your husband handle the in-laws, and probably shouldn't have sent a letter on Facebook....that wasn't really the appropriate way to handle it. You've indicated how you feel - what about your husband? Where is he with all of this?

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