Need help and/or advice.....

Joyce Da - posted on 03/23/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




Hi. I'm new here and am hoping someone can give me advice on what to do. My x and I had a baby, who is now three yrs old. We split even before the baby was born. For the past three yrs, he has been an absent father. Doesn't support his daughter financially and would see her like two or three times a month. A few months after we split I met a guy who is the love of my life. He is my world and he loves my daughter. He lives and works in ny. Has a great Job and recently proposed to me. We are ready to start a family and move on. She has more of a relationship with him than she does with her own father. I decided to go to court and try and get sole custody. Even with all my evidence proving he is mentally unstable and is unfit to be a father. I ended up getting joint custody. Still, he barley see's his daughter. Here is where the problem comes up. My ex and me came up with am agreement where he will allow me to move with our daughter. We even came up with a parental plan. I did everything legally, wrote him a letter stating that I will be moving 60 days from when I sent the letter. I am getting ready to leave in 7 days and now my x, who is barley in my daughters life anyway is flipping out. He is saying I'm a bad person for taking her away from her family blah blah, but he is telling me if I move, he will take me to court to make me come back. I don't know what else to do, I tried going the legal route and it worked against me, even showing how unfit he is as a father. Does anyone have any advice, it will be greatly appreciated.


Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014




OK, a father who sees his child 2 or 3 times a month is not an "absent father". He is not an ideal father, and could do better, but he isn't absent and he is making SOME effort toward having a relationship with his child.

You need to go to court to get permission to move. If your court orders specify joint custody, your ex is right, you can't go without his permission. The only advice I have is to go back to court to get new orders that will allow for a different visitation schedule and custody arrangement.

Michelle - posted on 03/23/2014




Unfortunately, your ex is right. Because the courts have given joint custody, you can't move away. I know the court system in some cases seems unfair but they see it as every child has the right to have a relationship with both parents.
You may need to go back to court and show them the parenting plan and the agreement that you have between you. Get yourself a good lawyer as well.


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Joyce Da - posted on 03/23/2014




Michelle, thank you so much for the response. The system is not good, like at all. When I went to court with proof that he was unfit, proof of his harassment sand threats, also showed them he takes medication because he has anger issues, proved he doesn't see his daughter and even got proof of him saying he doesn't care about his daughter, he just wants to make my life miserable, still I get nowhere.

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