Need help dealing with my in-laws!!!!!!!!!

Loryn - posted on 10/28/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




My son is 13 months old and my in-laws have been keeping him over night usually one night a week since he was two months old. They would keep him EVERY night if I would allow it. My son LOVES his grandparents, but I'm concerned that they are trying to take over my child. Lately, he has started crying for his grandmother and wants nothing to do with me. He wakes up in the middle of the night screaming for her! It is an awful feeling to know that your child would rather be soothed by someone else other than his mother! They baby him REALLY bad and give him ANYTHING he wants. (Ex. ice cream, cookie dough, coke, coffee, hot chocolate in his sippy cup!!!) I've asked them not to do these things and they don't seem to listen to what I say. I've tried telling them he cannot come over and they are very rude with me saying "I am jealous of the relationship they have with him" and "I make up every excuse to keep them away" (keep in mind he's never been away for over a week!) When I leave their house with him they tell him bye over and over til he starts crying for them and doesnt want to leave. I seriously believe that they do this on purpose. they will even call after we get 10 min down the road b/c they "forgot to tell me someting", but i know they're just trying to see if he is still crying for them! I am so frustrated and i do not know what to do! I've talked to my husband a/b it and all he says is "just ignore them, they just want to get under your skin". Well it's working and driving me CRAZY! Please suggestions anyone?


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Alexis - posted on 07/06/2013




Alexis M.

H E L P-------
I got married four years ago and found out I was pregnant quickly after. The first 4 months of our marriage and pregnancy was wonderful, then something happened.. I found out that my husband had another woman pregnant 3 mths prior to me.. He moved in with his mother which as fate wld have it, across the st from me.. So I seen him and his exwife talk with their lil boy laughing and what not and later on, with the exgirlfriend and her new baby playing house... His father past away in another state n he had ask if i wanted to go with him, when i agreed to and thinking we cld reconcile our marriage, the next day he left, WITH HIS MOTHER!!!!! He had a "myspace" which he added he was single and pics with another female with him in that state. So when he returned I spoke not to him or his family.. After I delivered without his presence he came to see our baby and said he loved the baby and me. I said you will have to choose what life you want, he said it was me. Now his mother blames me for him not getting back with his exwife which he caught her their bed with his best friend (thats why she is an ex) they had been divorced 2yrs b4 he and I got together. Now his mother lies, manipulates, sneaky and I just cannot stand her!!! But my husband takes his mothers side on every situation no matter the issue. I have children of my own and my husband has siblings who also have children but for that woman, she only has ONE grandchild compared to them all. UGHHHH What to do...... I have done the best I can but need advice, good advice.. Thanks in advance.

Amanda - posted on 10/29/2010




Wow you are a pretty lucky girl to have inlaws who are willing and able to take your child once a week for the last 2 years. You should sit them down and tell them this food is not acceptible, or take your Mother inlaw to the doctors with you, so a professional can tell her that children shouldnt be eatting things things in large amounts. And that same doctor can remind you that a grandparents only job is to spoil and feed children the very food you dont allow them. My inlaws feed my children plenty of junk I dont approve of but I dont say a word because unlike you, they dont see their grandparents every 7 days.

Rosette - posted on 10/29/2010




is he the first grandchild? if so you really have a hard time dealing with them, because as they say they love the grandchild more than their children ...
the best thing to do is be with your son every time you have...

Sneaky - posted on 10/29/2010




If I could afford it and I was in your situation I would take myself and my child on an extend holiday . . without the grandparents. But then I am a bitch :o)

I think Margret's advice is the correct adult method to take!

Sara - posted on 10/28/2010




Try as you might it will never stop I have been in your me you need to stop it now...they will destroy how he feels about your parents all he wants is the fun and joy he gets from being with them no more over nite and if they cannot respect your parenting by no sweets and especially no caffine my inlaws tried the same crap on my daughter...its just to get at you dont let them see it gets to you and your husband has got to back you up no matter what just as you should back him if your parents were doin it sometimes they r blind to whats going on because it is his parents ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot...if they cannot respect your wishes than they cannot see him more than 2 to 3 hours every two weeks supervised by you its harsh yes but hey he is your child and you have the right to limit who he sees and who he does not and you have got to stick to it...its gonna cause drama between you and ur inlaws but trust me your son deserves the best and needs you to stand up for him and his health good luck

JuLeah - posted on 10/28/2010




He is 13 months. I would guess, if they are really giving him the 'foods' you mention, he does not want them as much as the sugar. I will assume he is addicted and knows they are his source. Sugar and caffinee mess with developing brains, blood sugar levels, and hormones. They are creating a dibetic and you are allowing them to do so.
They don't have his best interests in mind, just want to create a situation where they feel wanted and needed. That is sick, given they do this at his expense.Listen to your gut and don't allow them to continue abusing your son.

Avvy - posted on 10/28/2010




Tough situation. You obviously are a little jealous,and rightfully so. Talk to your in-laws and make your feelings CLEAR! Cut back on the over nights,sad weepy,and drawn out good byes,are only happening to make the gp feel good,yes believe it or not some grands put what they want ahead of what is actually good for their grandchildren! only you and your husband can know what is best for your son. When grandparents get under your skin too much it'slike a nasty pimple you need to squeeze them out,if only until thing get under control!

Amy - posted on 10/28/2010




I get your frustration, but I have a question for you, would you feel any differently if this was snobs he had with your parents?? My son sees my parents about once a month they live in another state and he makes it perfectly clear to my husbandand I that he loves them more (at least grammie), and he's moving there when he's older. They spoil him but not to the extent your in laws do. He cries everytime they leave or we're leaving their house, it breaks my heart because I know he loves them so much. I know it's not the same situation but try to come up with a compromise, like no junkfood and they get to say goodbye once so that it's not so dramatic leaving!

Margaret - posted on 10/28/2010




Two things, sweetie. First, as my father put it, "the toughest thing about raising kids is raising the grandparents" (VERY true, as you can see); and second, your husband needs to support you more on this.
Is this their first grandchild? That may account for some of what you're seeing........
Still, they should honor your wishes as far as foods and discipline. I would start by talking with your husband and pointing out that allowing this disruption is going to seriously impact your family as time goes on--think about it, if you're having problems now while he's a baby, what are you going to have when he's older? A child who will challenge you constantly because, "if you won't do/give/allow what I want, I can go to Grampa and Gramma"? Not acceptable. Let alone, the problems this will cause in your marriage--be sure to point this out! He should be willing to help you then, if he sees how potentially serious this is.
Secondly, when you have that front covered, the two of you need to sit down with his parents and gently explain that this isn't working and although you want your son to have a good relationship with them, they need to change some things. Tell them that they need to listen to you with regard to the problem issues and remind them that although he's their grandchild, he is YOUR child and you should be the bottom line. If they cannot or will not work with you (for the baby's benefit--be sure to highlight this!), then maybe limit their visits to once a month until they get the message. This is supposed to be a situation where they are your support system, not your competition.
It's a very sticky situation no matter how you handle it, so good luck--just remember, try to approach it from the standpoint of "we're in this together" and you should be able to gauge your future actions by their response to you. These are important boundries, and they need to be set and observed. Good Luck! :)

Judith - posted on 10/28/2010




If your home nights then please keep your child with you and not with the in-laws. He needs to be with you now and perhaps with them on a special occation. they need to learn who his parents are and I think its up to you GOOD LUCK

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