Need help dealing with my stepdaughter

TelNeschia - posted on 05/04/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hey, so I'm 20 a mother of 2, a year ago when my last relationship ended I found another guy and he had a daughter we have been together since she was one now she is almost 3,and all of a sudden she is just skip disrespectful,she hits me, doesn't listen to any thing I say, throws temper tantrums every time I say something to her and then she takes off running to her father....I'm confused I don't know how this happen, or what to do about it....it really kind of hurts my feelings because I have never treated her wrong in fact I treat her like she was my own...I'm just confused because when she is there I do everything for her because her dad works or when he's home he's just a really passive guy and not the kid kinda guy, so I don't understand why all of a sudden it's like she hates me,and I'm worried because my one year loves her and copies everything but I don't want him thinking it's ok to do anything she is doing. This is really bugging me and I don't want it to harm my relationship what should I do?

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Ev - posted on 05/05/2015

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What is there to be confused about that if she is with parents half the time. Are you confused about her behavior?

You have to understand that a child this age is also confused because her parents are not together anymore. She does not have the words to explain her behavior whether or not it has to do with dad and mom not being together or just normal behavior for a 3 year old. Children this age do not understand things we adults do either.

Ev - posted on 05/05/2015

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Another thing you have to understand is that at her age sometimes the only way she can communicate is to act out since her vocabulary is not up to yours yet and she does not have the words to use to tell you or dad what she is thinking or feeling. Also have you two been living in the same house too? Sometimes changes in living arrangements of one parent makes it a difficult transition for a child too at this age. They do not understand things that parents or adults do as of yet. And depending on when dad introduced you to her and all can make a difference too.

Raye - posted on 05/05/2015

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I wouldn't take her temper tantrums personally. Kids act up, and it's common sense that they would run to the parent that would go easier on them. Her dad needs to be involved in making her behave. Don't let this guy off the hook with "he's just not the kid kind of guy". He has a kid... he better become the kid kind of guy. You and him need to talk, and get on the same page with how all the kids should behave and what the punishments should be when they act up. Rules should be similar for all kids, and generally the natural parent should do the majority of the discipline for each child. Get this all worked out now. If things do not work out, then it's easier to split up before marriage than after.

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Sarah - posted on 05/05/2015

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In efforts to be fair to parent and share time with kids. I think often the kids get the short end. A few days here followed by a few days there can be more confusing and stressful than beneficial for a three year old.

TelNeschia - posted on 05/05/2015

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She doesn't stay with us all the time we have her half the wee and her mom has her the other...and I confused about that because me and him has lived together since she was one almost two

Sarah - posted on 05/05/2015

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Her behavior may just be part of being three. Does she go back and forth to her bio-mom and dad, or is she with you all of the time?

Raye - posted on 05/05/2015

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Oh, and technically she's not your step-daughter until after you're married.

TelNeschia - posted on 05/05/2015

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Not yet we are in the process, but I'm kind of hesitant because of this problem.

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