Need help deciding weather or not to give my baby the fathers last name

Cheyenne - posted on 03/25/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

2

0

0

The baby's father and I are together at the moment but are not married. What I had wanted to do was give the baby my last name until the day we decided to get married. After that I would change both my last name and the baby's name. When he asked me about it and I told him I was unsure as to what I wanted to do he flipped out! His family did as well! He refuses to even hear me out as to how i want it to and he said it made him feel like the baby isn't his. Is it so wrong that I want my baby to have my last name?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2013

13,264

21

2015

Sabrina, we weren't laughing. Ok, well, maybe giggling a little, because it is amusing to those of us who've been around this block for awhile (19 years in my case) to watch young ladies assume that they have all the rights to the baby that it took two to create.

And, we suggested practical, adult solutions, rather than petty, augmentative ones. Plus, you didn't answer my question to you: Why is your right to name the baby what you want any more important than the father's right to have the baby have his surname? How would you like to be treated that way by the father of your child? How would you like to be told "I provided the chromosome that determined the sex of the baby, therefore I will make all of the decisions regarding every aspect of this child's life, regardless of the fact that you had 50% responsibility in going to bed with me and creating this child"?

Just sayin'...

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2013

3,562

36

3907

My son has his father's last name. Not once in 15 years have I been asked for ID to prove I am the parent. And we've flown overseas and interstate, on different names. Never even been questioned.

Firebird - posted on 03/26/2013

2,660

30

521

Just for the record.... my daughter has her father's last name even though I never married him. I left him nearly four years ago and despite the fact that she has a different last name than mine, no one has *ever* questioned that I am her mother. Not once have I had to prove that she's my kid. That being said, I fully agree with what Shawnn said and find Sabrina's comment laughable at best.

Michelle - posted on 03/26/2013

4,203

8

3246

Your baby is always going to know where it came from so why not give the baby his surname? My cousin has 6 children to 4 different Fathers and they all have the Father's last name.

I don't see the drama since you know the baby is his. It's not like you are waiting on a paternity test to determine it.

Firebird - posted on 03/25/2013

2,660

30

521

Why can't you compromise and give the baby both your last names? If he's going to be involved, he does deserve to have his name included.

9 Comments

View replies by

Sabrina - posted on 03/27/2013

3

0

0

well actually the father of my unborn child is making the arguement as he should have the last name because thats tradition that the father gets the last name. I do not agree with this and my view point on it is that any child coming from me is going to have the last name i carry.. he at any point and time can choose to leave and be ok with it. I would never do that to my child and if he does decide to leave i dont want my child to bare his last name if he is not going to be around.. as of right now he is around but that could very well change...

Sabrina - posted on 03/27/2013

3

0

0

i find that i thought this was a place for moms and adults to freely open up with there opinions and tthats exactly what my comment was.. WAS MY OPINION not to be judge by anyone... So laugh on if you please.....

THANK YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/26/2013

13,264

21

2015

Answer me this: you want the baby to have YOUR name because you carried it, and it came from you (paraphrasing Sabrina Lyn), so that you don't have to "prove all the time that it's your kid"...but it's ok to make your partner (the one who has 50% interest in this kid, the one who physically helped create this kid, and the one whom you obviously thought enough of to have unprotected sex with) have to continually prove HIS relationship with the kid?

An adult compromise would be to give the child both surnames. Yours first, his second. So it would be "Joseph Smith Jones" Or "Joseph Smith-Jones".

Just because YOU carried the kid doesn't mean that YOU are the sole parent, nor does it mean that you get to make all of the decisions. And, furthermore, if this LITTLE decision is already coming between you, I recommend to your partner that he invest in an attorney to assure that his parental rights and interests are being fully considered.

Oh, and it's just as easy to change from his name to your surname, or vice versa. The only problem you might encounter by trying to change from his surname to yours when you split up is that he may argue with the courts about it. He has every single right in the world to argue about his child's name. At least as much right as you do!

Sabrina - posted on 03/26/2013

3

0

0

im actually pregnant right now and having this issue im with the father we get along great till it comes to the last name but my view point on this is that the baby is coming from me and whatever last name i have my child will have i shouldnt have to be the one who has to show proof that my child is my child and when you have a different last name you will have to do that.. see i would at the court house where i live for child support and i see this everyday where these mothers have thses children with guys and have different last names from their children im sorry but if he isnt willing to give me his last name before the baby is here then my child will have my last name..

it is easier to change the name from you name to his afterward but it is alot harder to change from his to yours if you give the baby his to begin with if he loves you and wants to be with you he should respect your wishes and stand by you....

it used to be trandition that the babies always gets the fathers last name but it did used to be trandition that you get married first. times have changed and so has that.. men need to get used to that. Lets face us as mothers are going to be the primaring care givers if your not married then he dont deserve the babies last name but thats just my view point

:) GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISION

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms