Need help does any one else see six year old behavior get worse.

Melissa - posted on 05/02/2016 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Ever since my daughter turned six her behavior has gotten awful. She is not listening. She is picking flowers when I tell hr not to. She is throwing food at dinner tonight. I sent her to her room. She not only ruined my plate but she put her hand in my drink when I told her to cut it out. She is getting spoiled too. She wanted dominos but I told her we have to eat home. Just horrible unless she gets a toy and then her behavior gets bad again. Any suggestions

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Ev - posted on 05/02/2016

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{Ever since my daughter turned six her behavior has gotten awful. She is not listening.}
~~~~~Kids are supposed to push the boundaries because they need them set.
{She is picking flowers when I tell hr not to. She is throwing food at dinner tonight. I sent her to her room.}
~~~~~Sent to her room? Are all her toys and things in there to keep her busy? If you send a child to their room for a conseqence you need to make sure that they have nothing to play with. She is never going to learn that you mean business if you let her go to her room and play with her toys/ watch tv because you are showing her she will get away with it one way or another.
{ She not only ruined my plate but she put her hand in my drink when I told her to cut it out.}
~~~~~And what did you do?
{{ She is getting spoiled too.}}
~~~~THis tells me here that you give in to her and let her do what she wants. There are no rules or consequences for her actions. Therefore, she is going to do what she can to get it her way. Until you give her consistent consequences for her actions she will continue this behavior. And the reason she is this way is because she is allowed to do so.
{{ She wanted dominos but I told her we have to eat home. Just horrible unless she gets a toy and then her behavior gets bad again. Any suggestions}}
~~~~~That is a good example---just horrible unless she gets a toy then her behavior gets bad again---and this is rewarding her for that behavior.

You need to set some rules and follow through consistently with saying no and meaning it, sticking to your plans and if she tosses a fit let her and ignore it. Once she realizes you are not going to listen to her whine for things she will learn. If you let this go she is going to run over you as a teen. That is only 7 years away.

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Ev - posted on 05/04/2016

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I have to agree with the others on the trip with the older sibling and the divorce. Kids this age do not always have the words to express their feelings and thoughts well about what is going on. One thing you might consider is when you do things with the girls is to make sure that both are treated in such a way that they do not feel like the other is favored over them. When you took the other one on a trip, I am sure she felt left out of it and maybe that the older one was favored over her. Also the divorce is a contributing factor too. Did you not stop to think how it affected her? She can not even begin to understand what or why it is happening. All she knows is that something has changed or happened and she has no control over it at all. She does not know the reasons behind it. Nor will she understand it. And if you took the older child on a trip after this divorce and left her with dad, think of the messages it sent to her. This will add to her behavior though it should not be allowed to not be given consequences. Also, it is typical of a child this age to test a parent and does not mean she has ADHD. Get her evaluated though if you want. But a lot of times, kids are not in that category because it is their nature or normal for their age to be that way.

Susan - posted on 05/04/2016

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You've had a lot of people suggest consistency and that is really often key. Another key can be negative vs. positive consequences. Sometimes we reward negative behavior without realizing it, simply by given bad behavior attention. Authoritative parenting is worth looking up. Also try: http://www.parentproject.com/docs/Loving... which is an informative packet on strong-willed children.

One thing that's really worth noting--especially as I see your frustration level rise with these responses is to consider your personal stress. It sounds like their have been some recent upsets in your household. It can be a running circle if this upsets both you and your child. It can be a cycle of fear, frustration, stress and acting out that both of you bounce off each other. I highly recommend finding ways to distress (counting to twenty, distracting your thoughts, deep breathing, listening to music, taking a time out, etc.). While these seem irrelevant, you'll be much more equipped to handle your reaction. It also doesn't hurt to rule out possible reasons by visiting your pediatrician or a trusted specialist of some sort.

Achieve Life Balance, llc

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2016

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Noone was being "judgemental". You are the one who said that you give in to her. You are the one who said you don't always follow through with things. I wasn't judging you, I was making the point that this is your problem. That's just being truthful.

When I commented about you having a vacation with your teen and not her....did it occur to you she may be upset that she didn't get to come along and she felt left out?

And Sarah is also right, if she is upset about the divorce (nowhere in your original post did you say that there had been a divorce) that may also contribute to her stress.

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2016

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Your right and I am going to be consistent now. Emma may have adhd and it is important to set this with her. I have to get her tested if this behavior continues

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2016

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From your profile I see she just turned 6 a month ago. If there have been recent changes with her dad etc she may be acting out from stress. However, a 6 year old will push you as far as you let them. When you change your parenting style or start being more consistent with consequences and discipline you can expect a period of time where her behavior will be worse before it improves. Stick to very specific consequences and she will see that you mean what you say and eventually give up the bad behavior. If you cave in just once (give her a toy to stop misbehaving, threaten a consequence and then not follow thru) you will have just taught her that she is actually the one is control and all she needs to do is keep on acting out until you give in and she gets what she wants

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2016

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I posted the same post on different site and no one was as judgemental as this. Yes she is upset dad and I are divorced. It has been hard on her. Her father smokes goes out has the time of his life being a teenager. Dad acts like child and it was bad for children. I've been in countless therapy to turn my parenting style around. I've been stricter with Emma than my now teenager age 14 and believe me my teen knows the boundaries now.

Michelle - posted on 05/03/2016

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Well the last line of your last response just said it all!
Especially since you haven't mentioned anything else about Dad's parenting style at all.

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2016

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"In the past I would give in to her...."

So in the past, you have taught her that throwing a tantrum will get you what you want. And now, all of a sudden, you want her to behave. It doesn't work that way. You can't expect that suddenly she understands she will not get her way if in the past you gave in ot her. You have taught her this behaviour, and unfortunately, it takes MUCH more effort for her to unlearn the behaviour than if she'd never learned it in the first place. That is going to take patience, consistency and time.

"I have to follow through on things"

Well, yes, that's the whole point. You should have been following through on things all along.

"I cant allow this to continue."

So don't.

" It is really the past two weeks or so that she has gotten really bad."

Right. So you've been consistent for all of 2 weeks. Given you have trained her for years that tantrums get you everywhere, I assure you, she is not going to change in 2 weeks to being the well behaved little girl you clearly expect.

"I went on vacation with my teen and left her with her dad for a week ever since I came back I can see her getting worse."

And right here is possibly a big part of the problem. Can you see what her issue may be? If you can't, I'm happy to point it out, it's a bit of a no-brainer, but I'll give you the opportunity to be a perceptive parent first.

Melissa - posted on 05/02/2016

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I punish her when she misbehaves but now I see she is getting worse. She had bad behavior as a toddler may 3 and 4. She was better at five and now she is starting again not to listen. I have to follow through on things cause she is just plain becoming like an animal. It isnt funny but it is like she is becoming savage like the movie Zooptopia. I cant allow this to continue. It is really the past two weeks or so that she has gotten really bad. I went on vacation with my teen and left her with her dad for a week ever since I came back I can see her getting worse.

Michelle - posted on 05/02/2016

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I agree with Evelyn, you need to have consequences and stick to them. Like Evelyn said, if her toys are in her room then that's not a punishment. Take away her favourite things (toys, movies etc.).
I'm sure she didn't just turn horrible as soon as she turned 6, she must have been having tantrums and you giving in since she was a toddler. You are probably just expecting her to act more her age when she she hasn't had that guidance all along.

Melissa - posted on 05/02/2016

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In the past I would give in to her but what kind of discline do you mean? I grounded her tonight and sent her upstairs. At school supposedly is good but I dont believe it. Her behavior is off the wall lately.

Ev - posted on 05/02/2016

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So you give in when she wants things? Sounds like she has no discipline at all.

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