Need Help: Living with a Teenager/Adult Child with Asperger's

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi! I am new to this site....Just joined yesterday. My name is Lisa, and my 20 year old daughter Kendal is in the process of getting the Asperger's diagnosis. I have always known something was just not quite right, but could never put my finger on it. With all of the text book signs I saw over the years they could always be looked at as Asperger's symptoms but also environmental (i.e. moving and changing schools, divorce, puberty, etc). I had my daughter tested when she was about 12 or 13 because she went into a DEEP depression and I was really scared. She would sleep daily until 2:00 pm everyday if I let her. But the psychologist said she was not on the spectrum. Well, now here we are years later and a new psychologist is swaying that way now that the testing is almost complete.

I feel so bad for my daughter because now that she is older, I don't know what exactly there is out there to help her. My daughter is a really smart girl, but can't fill out a form in a doctor's office properly. Go figure. She is an incredibly dancer. She walked on her tippy toes when she was little and I sent her straight to her first ballet class at 2 1/2. She has mastered the art of dance. She was such a loving child, but as she hit puberty things began to change. She became a little bit more aggressive for her. Now, for the past 4 years she has REALLY become aggressive, sometimes violent. She has managed to stay at the University (she will be in her 3rd year in September) but at times it has been a struggle. As much as I love her, I am ashamed to admit that for Winter and Summer vacation I sometimes dread her coming home.

This summer has been VERY rocky. When she gets into one of her 'episodes' as I call them (meltdowns) it goes on and on for an hour or 2. She ends up breaking things, hiding things (like my car keys) and lashes out at me. I'm not sure how to help her. It breaks my heart. What can I do to stop the meltdowns??? What can I do to help her...she can be REALLY exhausting? How much help will she need? Can anybody lend me their experience??
Thanks,
Lisa

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Elizabeth - posted on 08/11/2013

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Could it be that she is home too much with you because she lacks a group of friends to do things with? Perhaps you could help her to find a peer group of non Asperger friends such as by joining a group of young people in some activity. My daughter with Asperger's learned to make friends by playing on sports teams where there is more structure that she would otherwise have. Then she was able to extend these friendships to other settings. Maybe she could find a group on Meet Up that she would be interested in.

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