need help re choosing children above spouse

Debbie - posted on 04/09/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




Hi everyone
I am daily wrestling between my kids and husband.
I re located to USA as i married a US gentleman my older 2 kids aged 21 and 23 are back in south africa and i left them with their dad who gave them a hard time since sept 2014. I have a 12 year old daughter too but shes here with me. I am very homesick and miss my children everyday. I am a nurterer in the making and i am going back to south africa in june. My husband is staying here and he will follow.i feel guilty re leaving him but i feel guilty re leaving my children who were distraught too. So thus i am torn between husband and kids? I have a void in my life and miss my family so much. Am i being unfair to my husband? He feels i choose my kids above him. I can only see my kids once a year and the seperation anxiety agfects me daily. I even became so depressed i was put onto meds. Please can you advise me re my decisions? I just want my family back in my life on a daily this wrong?


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Ev - posted on 04/10/2015




I have to agree with Raye on this and that its very common for a parent to miss their kids that have become adults. Your two children should not be distraught over this as it is your life and you have made the choice to remarry. What their dad is doing to them is between them and him.

Raye - posted on 04/10/2015




I'm torn on this one. The kids you "left" behind are adults, and should be getting on with their own lives. The one that needs you, your daughter, came with you. Yes, it's normal to miss your kids, but you have a new husband and still have your daughter. I think you should have thought about it more before you made the decision to move and commit to this man who is half a world away. But that time is past. And now that you have married him, I think your priority is to your husband and daughter, not with your two fully grown kids.

Michelle - posted on 04/10/2015




Your children should always be your first priority, NO man should come before them!
Sorry, I don't agree with your decision to move to the other side of the world and leave your children. I couldn't do it at all, they are my world.

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