Need help with custody

M.shelton - posted on 06/14/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex husband and i split in Jan 2015. We have a son that is 6 and a daughter that is 2. I work Mon-fri 7-330 and he works swing shifts (two weeks on days and two weeks on seconds). we had a schedule of him keeping the kids 4 days while hes on days and every other weekend. it worked out great. my son started kindergarten in Aug 2015. My ex husband talked me into going 50/50 in Aug for our kids. At that time I was okay and thought i was doing what was best for my children. Our schedule is he gets them two weeks in a row when hes on day shift and i get them two weeks when hes on second shift and every other weekend. My son started having trouble in school and i was starting to potty train my daughter. I got my son a tutor in Jan 2016. their behavior is terrible. it takes me a week to get them back to our routine and their behavior under control. they listened to rap and watch bad movies, play games that they shouldn't play, stay up past their bed time. my ex husband doesn't let my son participate in school activities because he doesn't want to pay them. He doesn't dress or groom them very well. he also doesn't make them sit in car seats. i have pictures, school records, and documented everything. i had to get a court order to let my daughter do gymnastics and to talk to them when he has them. i started taking him back to court in Jan 2016. i finally got a court date in jun 2016 but the judge saw nothing wrong and kept the schedule the same. what should i do? my children are struggling? :'(

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Michelle - posted on 06/14/2016

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I know it's hard, I have done 50/50 shared care for 11 years. When the boys were younger it was very evident that our rules were very different. My ex is the same, lets them stay up late and watch movies that aren't appropriate.
As they got older it got better though.
You can't control what happens at Dad's house and unless he is a danger to them a judge won't change things. You just have to keep reminding them that they are back at your house with your rules. It does get better, I promise. Just make sure that you have the stable home for them.

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M.shelton - posted on 06/15/2016

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Thank you Michelle and Dove. I think its just hard on me because i go so long without seeing them plus my daughter is young and my son is struggling in school. I thought I was doing what was best for my kids. I feel guilty when i don't have them and i get down on myself. I just want to go back to the old schedule so my kids can have a stable home.

Dove - posted on 06/14/2016

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If the judge saw nothing wrong then you must not have had enough evidence of harm. The car seat thing would be a big one for your 2 year old (and 6 year old depending on state laws), but everything else is fairly normal (though certainly not GOOD) when you have split households and parents w/ different priorities.

Go ahead and keep documenting everything that concerns you and present it to your lawyer to keep track of it all. You could try getting them into some counseling w/ a therapist willing to testify in court... or they could at least help your children adjust easier to all the changes.

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