need help with my 13year old daughter making friends

Theresa - posted on 02/02/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have a 13 year old daughter and she says she has no friends that she is a loner. She just started jr high school after xmas in a new town. The school she came from before she had a ton of friends and she was always happy. Now she says she has no friends she is a loner. She is super moody and stays by herself in her room all the time always on the computer never wants to do anything but sleep. And she is always writting in her note books how she will get revenge on people. Im at such a loss I dont know what to do I constantly am trying to help her but she doesnt like my help anymore. She used to love school and now every morning before school she wants to stay home tells me how much she hates school . She texts me as soon as I drop her off at school telling me to come get her she is alone she doesnt fit it. I talked to everyone at school they r trying to help but cant force kids to be friends. Im so scard this is goning to end up bad. Some how. I really dont know what to do it is killing me to see her like this. She was so happy before now wears all black and always on computer. Please anyone who can help I would appreciate it I am at a loss

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Chana Anne - posted on 02/02/2014

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Hi! Well when I got to Jr high. I was the outcast cause everyone had the name that mattered. So I found a way to make friends. I looked for the person who was just as terrified as I was and would just go up and talk to them to let them know I was trying to .bw there friend and let them know I felt the same way they did. And eventually we made more friends just took time. I know exactly how your daughter feels cause I was the same way back in the day. Don't worry everything will get better. And I seen that you guys can't have animals. What about a little fish tank? That might be something she might like to do? But like I said everything takes time. Thank you for your time.

Chet - posted on 02/02/2014

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What about activities outside a school? Is she interested in joining any activities or clubs at school? What about volunteering?

Emily - posted on 02/03/2014

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Your fine. Your a worried mom. I have an equine baby not human ( yet) but I understand how you must feel. And coming from a highly bullied background ( my principal cried saying he gated it but it would be better if I dropped out) ( I have a foot long scar up the back of my leg where I wanted to die -worst mistake of my life) I just want to help. Maybe she is afraid to tell you what happened that is so bad , maybe try to get an old friend to talk to her and fill you in

Emily - posted on 02/02/2014

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I know how she feels. I grew up in the same area my whole life never having any friends. It sucks. I'm not sure if you tell her this but to hear. " just ignore them" " you don't need them any way" it doesn't help. It hurts most of all. What helped me most was horse back riding. Then getting my own horse to care for. I was able to forget my worries. Try if possible to ask if she could have anything - pet form- bird lizzard fish cat dog ect which would she want? If able try to get it for her. But make it only her responcibility to care for. Walking training ect. If she already has a cat. Have her leash and trick train it. Its not that hard but you have to stay on it. If she has a particular interest such as science try taking her to a museum. Even if its a one time thing. Give her a reason to become social again. No you can't force kids to b friends. It only makes things worse. Do not bring up school and friends and anything else to her. It just hurts more and feels like your heart is ripping and u wanna scream. I know its hard. But chin up. Please let me know if any of this helps.

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Theresa - posted on 02/03/2014

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We we frist moved to the new town 3 years ago my daughter only went to this school for about a month and she got bullied and she was they new girl. So sh begged us to go back and we let her now 3 years later. She is not getting bullied but is just having a hard time putting herself out there to make friends this story is so complicated.or maybe the way I am telling it is all over. I just am looking for any suggestions or any kid of help my heart is being tore up and Emily I really want to thank you for helping if u have any more ideas I would be grateful. And sorry for my post to be all over. Thanks agin

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2014

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Oh yes we go up to her old town twice a month my whole family is up there and my daughters best friend we visit all the time my husband and I and our son has lived in the new town for 3 years my daughter only came on weekends and summer vacation when we moved my daughter came to the new town and tried school 3 years ago but she got bullied really bad and we took her out of this school and she went back to old school. She decided on her own this year to try to come back after xmas break we all had a hard time with her being so far away but we never pressure d her to come back. Then when she wanted to we thought it was great we figured now that she was older things might be better for her. I should of stated that in the begging but I also was nervous I guess im not sure. When my daughter started talking bout coming back to try this school agin I sat up a visitor pass for her to tour the new school and she thought it was great she was talking to kids. No one rememberd her which she thought was great and she thought she was gonna have a better time here and she would be with us to. Im sorry if I am all over with this post im just trying to get it all out.

Emily - posted on 02/03/2014

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Don't ask. Just say come on road trip. Start going places u think she would like. Or just go to the mall an ice cream shop. She's probably depressed from leaving her friends behind and maybe if you could arrange monthly visits back so she can see them again it would help. Esspecilly if you didn't tell her where you were going.

Theresa - posted on 02/02/2014

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Thank u also so much I am trying to get her involved in anything but everytime I bring it up she tells me she doesnt want to do anything but lay in bed and watch on line videos or play on computer she has only been at her new school for about 2 weeks. I really hope this gets better for her. And maybe she will start making friends. She says she tried to talk to a few ppl and they will talk back for a few mins and thats it im not sure if she is really putting her self out there she doesnt like to make the first move I think she wants them to come up to her and no matter how much I tell her it goes both ways. She seems like she is not listen ing to me or thi ks I dont know what im talking bout. Thank you so much for ur help and I really hope this gets better I hate seeing her so unhappy it breaks my heart

Theresa - posted on 02/02/2014

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Thank you so much she has had lots of animals but we are renting right now and landloard wont allow us to have pets. It sucks. U are right about not telling her she dont need friends. I ahve never said that to her but I can imagine it will hurt to hear that. I guess im not understanding why things are going this way for her last year she was so happy and this she is not. I hate seeing her go through this.

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