Need help with my teenager!

Valencia - posted on 10/21/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My last child has a flip phone but recently my oldest daughter caught her with an iphone! She was been talking to many guys and throwing herself to them. She has shown herself with naked video chats, she says this phone is a friend's but all the accounts are under her name. We don't allow her to have social sites so all this was a shock she is only 16 and in her photos she was in bed with a boy at MY HOUSE. My husband works nights so gets home when she does but knocks out and the boy felt before I got home. She continues to lie even when she is caught. My other kids had bad grades growing up but nothing ever like this. She is a thick girl and has double D breast and braces I read online and shows that's mostly why they do it in security issues but to me makes no since ! I need help I have no idea what to do!

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The - posted on 10/23/2014

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If you have everything in place that I had spoken of recently then I agree with Dove. She is acting out sexually and there may be other issues she is too afraid, ashamed, or otherwise does not want to share and if you ask her she will only deny it and act out more. A close friend of mine acted out like this and started having sex with boys due to being raped or molested when they were young by a male they trusted. But that might not be the only issue. She could have also been acting out due to being teased about being a virgin or other issue so with all that THERAPY might be the key.

Valencia - posted on 10/21/2014

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She has all A ' &B nobody is allowed in she let the boy in and he jumped out the window we locked in her windows she no longer has a door, she has the basic clothes. This phone was her friends she said We talk to her teachers all the time her behavior is good! So all this is a shock she is sending photos and showing herself. I don't know what else to do she has no feelings she doesn't care she has an attitude about it

The - posted on 10/21/2014

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Do you work as well?
I think the presence of an adult there at all times is probably part of the issue.
You also need to set boundaries and rules for them to follow.
If they do not follow them take privileges away.
The phone is a privilege not a need.
The basic needs are Shelter, food, clothing, education.
Anything beyond that is up to be taken away.
You and your husband might need to do some scheduling as well to insure that someone is home to have a parent present at all times.
You and your husband need to stand together and state that you both are upholding the boundaries and rules set forth
There should have been a study time schedule for your children to do their homework and not be in any activities until their grades were brought up to standard as well.

A regular weekly family meeting and discussion times on what problems each member of the family is facing and how each family member can help each other is a great way to keep in touch with what is going on with your child's life, Remember do not show any judgement or upset when discussing behavioral issue with your child. Be loving and assure them that you are concerned about their welfare and future,

Remember they are children and children need guidance as well as role models. It is time for you and your husband to step up and make boundaries and rules for everyone to follow,

Example of a few that can be included:
1. There will be a weekly family meeting and EVERYONE will be required to attend.
2. No visitors in the house without a request to do so at a family meeting, The visit request is not to disrupt any other scheduled plans or reponsibilities. Having visitors is a privilege not a need. This will include you are your husband and you will discuss having visitors or events ahead of time to see if both of you are in agreement. Be the example.
3. There will be no visitors during a parents sleeping time from work. Their rest is required in order to meet the needs of the family members that reside in your home.
4. There will be a set schedule for study and homework time after school each day and all school books, notes and papers must be brought home every day to review what you were taught in class.
5. Allowances is earned not given freely if you want to have money in this world you have to earn it. Everyone will be given set chores to complete in order to show their responsibility in caring for themselves, In return they will recieve no more $10 a week for their chores. This is theirs to save and spend as they wish.
6. We will no longer fulfil wants but needs anything else is a gift of privilege and if any rules are broken then the privilege will be taken away if it is not a need as in rule 7.
3. That SHELTER, FOOD, CLOTHING, are the 3 main needs for all. Education being the extra need and requirement.
4. Shelter, Food, and Clothing provided will not be excessive but adequate for the need of the person. (Stop buying name brand stuff and expensive stuff to make up for not being their for your kid or make up for what you never had it only will make them think you owe them everything even when they become adults. Make them learn to EARN what they want.)
5. There will be no disrespecting the Parents in word or deed that will be acceptable. If you disrespect your parents then you loose all privileges and only have your needs met,
6. There will be no disrespecting each other. To do so will cost the loss of all privileges for one month for first offense, Two month for second.......etc. (This will apply to you and your husband as well to be an example.)
7. No visitors in bedrooms for anyone which includes you and your husband, Hold your bedroom as sacred between you and your husband. Be an example. (Be sure to inform your children that you are making these rules for them to be able to grow into responsible and happy adults. Until then it is your responsibility to educate them and teach them to be responsible.)

You can make more from here but make sure you tell your children that you love them even when they have done wrong but it hurts you to see them abuse themselves and not become the great person they really are inside. Really mean it when you say it and hug them when you do. It will mean a lot to them especially if you and your husband do it together with all of them in a meeting together being of like mind and heart concerning them.

If you are a christian I would suggest that you take the time to watch Joyce Meyers Ministries on how the word of God is for everyday life and how God loves each of us no matter what sin we have done.
He is our Heavenly Father and He has loved us for Thousands of years and will love us Thousands more it is us who turn away from Him not He us. I have learned a lot from Joyce Meyers Ministry and hope it will also be a blessing to you.
Pray that God bless each of your children your spouse and your the people in all of your lives. Ask for guidance, mercy, and favor in your life according to His will for your life. If you are a christian be the better example for your children.
God will not let you fail if you. You can either take all the troubles on yourself and drastically search for an answer or you can turn to the Word of God and let Him lead you in what you need to do for your Children.

May God bless you and your family and may it be according to His will for each of your lives.

Dove - posted on 10/21/2014

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Confiscate the phone and let her know that her actions are illegal and could wind her up in jail. Child porn (which is legally what this is) is NOT something to mess around with... It sounds like she may be having some serious self esteem and behavior issues and I would be calling her doctor for a psychologist referral immediately.

She needs love, attention, supervision... and a world of guidance right now... and it looks like she is trying to get it in all the wrong places. I would not be leaving her w/out constant adult supervision no matter what I had to do/sacrifice to get that done.

Raye - posted on 10/21/2014

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She is participating in child porn, and you could be arrested. If you did not provide her with the phone that she's using to distribute the naked photos/video, then most likely you won't get in trouble, but if you know about it and let it continue you will get in trouble. Call the police on her.

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