Need help with newly blended family

Angela - posted on 07/04/2013 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I have been dating a man for about a year. We were both previously married for about 20 yrs. Both divorced a couple of years. I have a 16 year old daughter. He has a 15 year old son. Everything was great until we moved in together. I know it is different raising a girl vs. raising a boy, but we are having major problems. My daughter is A honor roll, helps around the house, always happy, never complains. His son is a typical boy who doesn't like homework, chores, etc. The problem is his son will not help at all. I don't ask either of them to do much. Just basically clean up after themselves & bring me their dirty laundry. I do 95% of the housework. His son just will not do it. He walks off when I tell him I am fixing to wash clothes and doesn't bring me his clothes. Then complains to his dad that I didn't wash his clothes. But he doesn't want me in his room to get them. He is always having me drive him and his friends places, asking for money, etc. but never says thank you or offers to help out in any way. I am more structured & type A than my boyfriend who is very fly by the seat of his pants, so the kids have been raised totally differently. I never discipline his son, but they hear me discipline my daughter & remind her of what she is to do. They lived in a 100 year old farmhouse that only had 2 bedrooms. I paid for all of the materials & my daughter & me helped turn the dining room into her a bedroom. His son had a room with a door a closet. But now he is saying that his dad is favoring my daughter because she has a "new" room. Even though we are now in the process of repainting his room & getting him new bedding as well. He is a very unhappy child. Nothing is ever good enough. And I overheard him lying to his father saying that I had not fed him lunch yesterday. My daughter & I went to the grocery. I asked if he wanted to go but he said he wanted to stay home and sleep. We brought him back lunch and dessert. He is turning his dad against me & has no reason to. I made him a pitcher of tea (he will not drink water or milk) & he drank the entire pitcher in less than 4 hours. I did not have enough sugar to make him another pitcher so I told his dad as they were leaving to run an errand that he needed to grab a 2 liter so his son would have something to drink later. His dad went off on me and asked why I didn't have anything in the house that his son would drink. I just feel like it isn't going to work. We have raised our kids very differently. They are both older teenagers who won't be home for many more years. My child is not perfect & I know that. But he lets his son sit & do nothing. And my daughter is starting to resent living there because she still is made to do her chores, her homework, etc. & she feels I am favoring his son because I just sit on the sidelines in order to not cause waves. What do I do?

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Rachel - posted on 07/07/2013

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I'm sorry this is going to sound harsh, but he doesn't owe. you anything. You are his father's girlfriend. On the flip side, you don't owe him anything either. Who you do owe is your daughter. Move out. Give your daughter the stability she deserves these last two years. Instead of focusing on her, you've decided to be an unpaid maid and uncommitted...gosh looking for a nicer word, but coming up blank... Move out. Show your daughter how you want her to be treated when she. is in your shoes. And when she is on her own, then you can dedicate your time to whatever you want. I'm from a blended family myself, so I know what he and your daughter are feeling. And if you aren't seeing this as permanent enough to make it legal, then why. should he waste his time getting attached to you? When its the second time around, it has to be about the kids first, and your own issues second (your issue being you don't want to live without your boyfriend, but don't want to make it permanent.) I think the sacrifice you should make. in this instance is you should move out.

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2013

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You all need to sit down and have a family meeting. Write down the expectations of everyone in the house (including the adults) and make sure everyone know what they need to do.
You might even want to write out a chores list and do a roster until everyone understands what their role in the household is.
Let the son know that if his laundry isn't ready when you are going to do it then it doesn't get done. He will then have to do it himself.
Both the kids are old enough to be doing more chores around the house, it's your job as parents to give them the skills to fend for themselves and doing it all for them doesn't help.

Imbeautifuldawn - posted on 07/06/2013

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The main thing here is that you have got to get you and your boyfriend on the same page. does the dad work and you stay home? What was agreed on about the responsibilities when you moved in? If his dad wants to wait on him, that is his choice, but you cannot be expected to be a waitress and maid. plain and simple, you are NOT his son's maid and cook! It sounds like a classic case of the son resenting sharing his dad and home and is purposely playing the two of you against each other to get rid of you.
The first thing you should do is talk to your boyfriend. Ask him to agree on one thing: talk to you before getting angry about something that happens between you and the son. Carefully mention that wisdom disctates hearing the whole story before deciding what is going on.
The next thing you need to talk to him about is what he is hoping to get out ofthis relationship. Because if his hope is a maid, houskeeper and someone to deal with his kid so that he doesnt have to, that is not what you signed on for. Now if he truly wants a partner, then there is going to have to be some give and take. If his son refuses to allow you in his room or refuses to bring his laundry out to be washed, that bautomatically falls under Dad's responsibility.
I would also insist on counseling between the two of you. Choose a counselor who does family counseling as well. if you are both committed to this relationship, then you NEED to get your relationship in the place it needs to be to last. if he wont work on it, then it is time to reconsider whether moving in was a good choice. And you cannot just hold on until his son moves out. Based on what you are describing you might be stuck with this kid for another 15 years. So, as much as you love this guy, moving in might not be the right choice if he refuses to stand up for you to his kid. Moving back out might be the only way to preserve your relationship.

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I know that divorce is difficult and when you enter into a different relationship you tend to set your mind to not making the "same" mistakes...or to "do better" this time. Having this mindset hinders your vision when you've entered into a potentially abusive and one-sided relationship. I support a comment written earlier stating - what sort of example are you setting for your daughter. Examine your situation, please. Decide if what you (and your daughter)are experiencing communicates that it is okay to be taken advantage of - that you are not worthy of being respected. My best advice is to get out of that relationship as soon as possible - you are fighting a battle that will eventually tear down your self-esteem and you will erroneously believe that you have no self-worth... and so will your daughter.

User - posted on 07/12/2013

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You have two teenagers and you are doing their wash???? First of all, this boy is your boyfriend's problem to contend with. If your boyfriend is unwilling to deal with any of this, there is nothing you can do other than rethink the relationship. The boy knows it's only a matter of time before he causes enough of a wedge to dissolve this, since you aren't married, but just playing house. And he knows his dad isn't going to make him do anything. You have to completely drop this kid from your radar, quit any expectations altogether, and turn the whole mess over to his dad. Or, move out with your daughter. I'm rather surprised that you thought this would all be wonderful just because you decided to play house with the father. Tell the dad this boy child will from now on do his own laundry, unless the dad wants to, make any meals he wants for himself, clean up after, unless he wants you to stop buying him drinks and food. If he needs extra money for activities, dances, etc., that's his dad's area, but I personally made my kids work for it. I think if the dad doesn't get on board you will be better off without him, and please don't jump into another living arrangement so soon again.

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Anika - posted on 07/23/2013

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I have no idea why people feel the need to tell this woman she needs to be married to live with a man and asking her religious beliefs. Neither is any of our business and doesn't deal with the issue she has brought to the table. Stop trying to enforce your beliefs on others, and anyway, those Christians that have commented, especially the comment 'she should know better' i thought Christians weren't supposed to be so judgmental, isn't that gods job.

Julie - posted on 07/18/2013

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My husband and I moved in together 8 years ago. Both of us had boys the same age (8 at the time)and I also had a 13y old daughter. My kids had been bought up to help out, clean & cook etc.. When we became a blended family I took my step-son to be aside and explained I would show him how to do some of the chores around the house. When saying I would teach him how to clean the toilet, his reply was....Oh no, that's your job". Needless to say I informed him that if he peed & pooped in the toilet then he was going to learn how to clean it. (The alternative was digging a hole in the back yard)My hubby & I put rules in place for our kids and they were expected to contribute to the running of the household. If washing isn't out by friday after school..I don't do it, they do. Other jobs are listed for them and if I have to ask a second/third time for something to be done then another job is added to the list. This might all sound easy but it took a lot of patience & perserverance. My time is important too & under no circumstances would I pander to my step-son to keep the peace while making my other son feel resentful. If I were in a situation such as yours I wouldn't last long. Life isn't a free ride for kids and how are they supposed to cope in the real world when acting like a sullen spoiled brat. Your hubby needs to support you and stop treating you like a doormat otherwise you will eventually become trodden down & resentful. If step-son doesn't like the new you..TOUGH! Your name isn't Cinderella. I now have a step-son capable of standing on his own 2 feet, he cooks, cleans, irons & will be make some girl a great hubby some day :-). Oh and by the way my now 21y old daughter is an amazing capable young woman & my son is a great baker. It was hard work but worth it. I would have walked if I didn't have support.

Brown - posted on 07/16/2013

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Talk about blended families... I am remarried and not living with my husband and step children, because I just had to move out. Too many things happen, parenting styles are different and sometimes situations with the kids can drift a loving relationship apart. We got married in June 2011 and I left my job and moved to my husband's state and home. That was a mistake. We should have bought or rented a home together, thus it would have been a new start for all of us, and opportunities for being able to create new family traditions would have been possible. We have different parenting styles, routines, traditions, etc. My kids felt like visitors/guests, his kids felt like their home had been invaded. My spouse and I used to argue for days about different things happening in the home and not come to agreements. Long story short, just for the sake of our beautiful love and to preserve our marriage, I moved out and went back to my home town, took my kids back to their old school. Now my husband and I commute back and forth like long distance dating. We are happier and so are the kids. We hope to live together again when the kids have all graduated from high school and headed to college in the next 7 years.

Brown - posted on 07/16/2013

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Talk about blended families... I am remarried and not living with my husband and step children, because I just had to move out. Too many things happen, parenting styles are different and sometimes situations with the kids can drift a loving relationship apart. We got married in June 2011 and I left my job and moved to my husband's state and home. That was a mistake. We should have bought or rented a home together, thus it would have been a new start for all of us, and opportunities for being able to create new family traditions would have been possible. We have different parenting styles, routines, traditions, etc. My kids felt like visitors/guests, his kids felt like their home had been invaded. My spouse and I used to argue for days about different things happening in the home and not come to agreements. Long story short, just for the sake of our beautiful love and to preserve our marriage, I moved out and went back to my home town, took my kids back to their old school. Now my husband and I commute back and forth like long distance dating. We are happier and so are the kids. We hope to live together again when the kids have all graduated from high school and headed to college in the next 7 years.

Virginia - posted on 07/15/2013

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I think suggestions to read your post thinking that it is your daughter or a friend writing it and asking you what would you suggest they do are helpful. We tend to put up with a lot more than we should, in trying to be nice and making things work.
Bottom line for me is, if this guy is stupid enough to allow his son to play him and create trouble between him and you, he does not deserve to be with you. Sounds like his son has many issues, well, let him go and try to take care of those.
You deserve to be treated with respect, and what the two of them are doing is not respectful. Why would you have to be in charge of preparing this boy's tea? My 10 year old son can make himself a lemonade if he wants one. Please.
Your daughter sounds like a great girl, and does not deserve to live in an environment like that or to put up eith that. Nor she deserves to learn from her mom that it is okay to be disrespected.
You should think carefully about what's best for you and your daughter, and do it. No regrets. Life is a present every day, why waste it staying in situations that make us miserable.
Good luck.

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You are the adult. Period.

Move.

It's only going to get worse. One of my best friends told me it gave her the courage to file for divorce when I told her she was showing her daughter how to let men treat her.

Whining to his dad that you didn't feed him lunch? oh, please. I'd be rolling on the floor laughing. A parent's job is to teach a kid how to navigate life at age appropriate times. It's your duty to not keep them dependent.

You shouldn't be making lunches, doing Laundry, etc.

Karen - posted on 07/15/2013

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I have to step in and say I'm very glad you guys aren't married. It was a good idea to test the waters before you sealed the deal with a marriage that would make it all the more different to walk away. I posted previously, but I do have to say I think the best thing for you to do is move out. This situation isn't going to get any better ... in fact I can tell from your post it is going to get much worse. Your BF isn't standing up for you, and I don't know if he should as our kids always come first ... you know that.

Good luck to you.

Patricia - posted on 07/15/2013

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The most important thing to do is to sit down with your BF and set the rules of the house for both children. Unfortunately, the kids are too old for you to take on the mother role. It is best that you don't even go there and leave it up to dad. Let him discipline and follow-up on the needs of his child and you do the same for yours. If the boy doesn't want to clean his room or wash his clothes, leave it up to the father to handle. Eventually natural consequences will make them figure it out. You may have to let go of having things a certain way and let it be. I know it's hard for type A personalities. As for food, they know where the kitchen is and all you need to do is make it accessible. At his age the boy is old enough to make his own drinks, make a sandwich, etc. I make food for the whole family and let them warm up the meal, serve themselves when it is not possible to eat as a family. When you have to address the boy, make sure the father is present or on the cell phone hearing the conversation. This will eliminate any misunderstanding. The key is making the father responsible for his child. Of course, you both need to make family decisions together but leave the discipline and daily care up to each parent. I am sure that your daughter would prefer that you handle her care/discipline as well. Unfortunately, life isn't always fair or equal. Your child needs to know that her rules are set by her mother regardless of where you live. Communication with your BF and both working hard to make it work and compromise is the only way the situation will ever work. It is alot of work raising teenagers and you both have to be on the same page.

Mary Grace - posted on 07/15/2013

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This is not a healthy situation for you or your daughter. I feel bad for the son necause I am sure he behaves such a way because of wounds of the past. but you cannot fix this. If I were a fortune teller I would advise you that this is not going to be a happy life. Plan ahead to leave. Giveyour. Daughter your undivided attention until she goes away to college, then start dating again and date someone , but do not move intogether, until you are absolutely sure it is a good environment for you. prayers for all of you!
Mgw

Karen - posted on 07/14/2013

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I haven't read other's responses only because I have been there, done that and failed miserably. I decided blending families with teens is basically next to impossible. If you had asked for advice before you moved in together, I would have told you to wait until the kids were over 18 and in college, or at least old enough to leave if necessary. You and your man must be on the same page or it is never going to work. I hate to say this, but if I were you I would probably move out, continue dating but maintain separate residences until you are both child-free.

Janet - posted on 07/14/2013

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You are the adult, and be needs to have some level of respect, maybe you should stop washing his clothes and stop cooking for him and see his rection, he needs to know that you put food on the table and he is not payng any rent, so therefore you have the right to enter his room weather he likes it or not. If your partner is not supporting you, you may meed to think is this working and if its worth it. Make sure you sit down in front of his dad and challenge some of the stuff he is saying, he sounds like he is trying to slit you up also. Tell him if he allows his child to rule him he will end up by himself as any partner he will be with will not stay. Tell him your an adult and you don't need to be lying bout thing like that. Don't put up with that, because why would he be taking sides, he is suposed to be growing up his son to respect the person he loves. If it is causing you stress don't waste your time if it look that things are not going to change. Get out your getting older you don't want t look back and think, i have wast3d five years with this person and unruley child. No you shouldn' t have to sit on any side line respect yourself and don't put up with that foolishness. Plenty fish in the sea...other men with or without kids who will respect you no matter what the situatiob respectable kids out there

Erin - posted on 07/13/2013

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Hello Angela,
First read what you wrote and ask yourself if a friend or family member was in the same boat what would you tell them to do.
Things to do:
1. Stop doing! Do nothing for either of the "boys", they will come around, do without or get out!
2. You and your daughter's health is #1. If it is your house then get them out, if it is his get out..........this sounds like it could get dangerous for you!

Erin's husband

Loretta - posted on 07/13/2013

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IMHO, it is a lot to ask kids to make these kinds of adjustments when you aren't yet married and officially committed to making this a family. Even with that kind of commitment and intention, a blended family is so hard and takes so much work and empathy from both parties. Been there and done it. If you are planning to make this official and be a family, family counseling is extremely helpful. The experts say it takes about 3 years to get over the difficult adjustment to being a step-family and about 7 years before it begins to feel like a settled family. That's in good circumstances. In the mean time, so many little issues will continually come up--it just takes enormous amounts of grace and patience.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/13/2013

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Sounds like you're being taken advantage of and abused to me. I'm not sure if I can tell you what to do about it because it's your life, I'm just not sure if you've realized what this picture looks like from a distance.

If it were me - a kid in my care needs discipline, my boyfriend's not stepping up, I'm not in a position to do it, and I'm being abused? I also have a daughter to be a role model for. How would you advise her if she were in your shoes? Would you want her to put up with it?

There's more to a long term relationship than love, such as friendship, trust, unity, and commitment. Sounds like your boyfriend is failing in some of those areas too because he's not working with you to settle his son.

Kendra - posted on 07/12/2013

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One more thing about him not drinking milk or water I bet if that was all there was to drink he would. I would quit catering to his every need and let him fend for himself a bit and if his dad doesn't like it let him clean up after him and cater to him

Vuyelwa - posted on 07/12/2013

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I think you are trying too hard...Washing their clothes and doing most of the housework....with two teenagers around. Your son seems to be taking advantage of you eagerness to please. You are his stepmom don't try to replace his mom. As parents you need to come up with your own rules and both of you must ensure that they are followed.

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2013

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Hi, I can see this all too clearly! I moved in with my partner and his daughter. She is now grown up! Her room was a mess etc, and clearly spoilt! Only child syndrome!! So I was the wicked stepmother!! She would moan to her mum and say I didn't iron her school uniform..(because I did it and then it end up on the floor!!) so I told my husband to get his daughter a laundry basket. As if it wasnt good enough she would do it herself! He must also stop cleaning her room.. This caused many rows! But luckily for me his dad and aunt agreed with me!! So he started to Listen. And teenagers play the everyone so mean card!! Take your partner out for dinner and discuss a plan! And then have a family meeting! My step daughter learnt she would not get anymore money or lifts if she didnt help out!! In hindsight I wish I could have bought a new house for us all to move into!! Then it's easier to create new rules !

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/11/2013

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Blended families are tough , but your boyfriends attitude will turn tough into impossible! His son sees that he can get in the middle of you because your boyfriend is not showing a united front to the kids. His son is 15 years old for Pete's sake and is perfectly capable of feeding himself lunch and if he won't drink anything besides tea then tough cookies if he runs out!! I also have a blended family with a 7 year old step daughter. Her dad has caught her telling him fibs such as " she yelled at me " when she thought her father was sleeping and he was awake and heard my whole conversation with her. He explained to her that we are a team and I am the mother in this household and If I see fit to discipline or uphold a rule then he supports me ALWAYS! That is so important for a blended family to work. I couldn't imagine telling my daughter no about something but telling my step daughter yes. That would cause so much resentment and show the kids that the adults are weak and not in charge. You need to tell your boyfriend things must change bc I promise you will never be happy if he goes off on you for not making sure his 15 year old son does not have tea in the house!! I treat my step daughter the same as my daughter with both love and discipline and I truly believe that's the only way to make things work!

Maya - posted on 07/11/2013

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A 15 year old boy is more than old enough to make his own tea, do his own laundry, and make his own lunch. The fact that he not only expects you to do it but complains and lies about how you do it is beyond outrageous! What is he, a caveman? This is 2013!
If you want to continue to live there, you need to have a long talk with your partner away from the kids about setting some house rules that everyone agrees to. Once you and your partner are on the same page, then sit down with the kids and outline the rules together. Actually, ideally, your boyfriend will do most of the talking. This isn't about doing it "his way" or "your way" but coming up with a new way of respectful and reasonable compromises that everyone can live with. New group of people in the house means a new way of doing things.
It can also be helpful to frame this as a lesson in life skills for the teenagers, to explain that when they move out and go to college, get roommates, and get married that they will have to figure out strategies to share responsibilities with different people, so that this is good practice to talk about this now.

Janine - posted on 07/11/2013

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First of all whether you are Christian or not you do not need to move out if you do not want to. I blended a family, three of mine, two of his and we had a daughter together last year and neither of us are divorced yet. Living together has nothing to do with it. God will bless you either way. As for our family we fight and argue about crap like this all the time. He has a 17 yo daughter and a 13 yo son. Mine are 13daughter, 11 daughter, 4 son and our daughter together is 11 months. None of them ever want to do anything. They all claim favoritism. Whether it from what they get or how I feed them. Drives me insane since I am the only one who does anything around here. Being a SAHM sucks with a blended family, but it does work. You just need to talk to your man alone about everything. Don't worry his son does the same to me because he only eats and drinks certain things. But I tell my man all the time I will not be making and buying a million different things. He is your son you need to get him what he wants. Been working so far. Good luck and don't give up. As for chores....you might want to just give up and when they have no clothes or bugs in their room then they start to change their ways. Worked for me lol.....Blessed are we. Cheshire- Ford household.

Jeanette - posted on 07/11/2013

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You don't have a newly blended family if you aren't married. So first, if you love this guy you need to get married. Second, if he (the boy) lives in the house, he obeys the rules. It would probably be helpful to have a household meeting where you discuss the rules and expectations for each person. And set consequences. For example, if the laundry isn't in the laundry room by laundry day, you do your own laundry. If he and his dad are part of this, it should (fingers-crossed) take some of the friction off your relationship with your boyfriend and put the focus on his lazy son.
Your daughter sounds smart and hopefully long term she will see that her hard work at school and home will put her where she wants to be in her career and her life in general. Make sure she knows that you are not intentionally letting the boy do what he wants. Maybe find little ways to show her you appreciate what she does to contribute in the home that won't step on the toes of your boyfriend and his son.
And know that this advice is coming from someone who has little kids, so I may have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about outside of the fact that I was once a teenager of divorced parents.

Joanne - posted on 07/10/2013

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stop during for the son he,s rebellion because his mom is no longer there doesnt matter what he says angry because you are there in his moms role. try to become a friend and eventually maybe a cofidant explain this to your daughter as she can helpn (Because she doesnt have dad in the household) let her try to befriend him maybe he will warm up to her. When dad explode tell him the issues with calmness and maybe he will assist.

Isabel - posted on 07/10/2013

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It sounds more like they need a couple of maids around the house doing their chores than a family. You clearly sound like you are not appreciated in the house... I don't think you need the drama in your life right now. It is clearly not working out for you. Maybe give the relationship some time off and if he thinks he can do better you can go back to dating. Remember that your daughter came before both of them and you don't want to make her life more miserable than being a teenager is...
If it didn't start well it won't end well, move out before you start to hate them and continue a peaceful life with a respectful, well raised daughter and leave him with his brat son.
Someone who will really love and appreciate you will come around, but God will not bless your relationship if you keep just moving in together... do the right thing!!!

Julie - posted on 07/10/2013

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MOVE OUT!
You shouldn't be living with him anyway, look what you are teaching, modeling for your daughter!
Are you a Christian? If you are, then you know better.

Kendra - posted on 07/09/2013

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first of all are you married? If not you should not be living together. As far as his son not doing anything good luck, I have three boys and have trained them from a young age to pick up after themselves and do chores and it still is hard for them to do it without being reminded or told.

Heart09 - posted on 07/09/2013

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Everyone is set in their own ways. You might be willing to compromise but sounds like no one else is. The son is not gonna change, he doesn't want to. He has no respect for you. Dad seems to side with his son and does not enforce the house rules as far as laundry ect. Even when his son may be wrong. I don't see equality and these 2, Father and son seem sexist in my opinion. You have to decide if you want to continue to subject yourself and your daughter to this. You deserve better and so does your daughter.

Nicola - posted on 07/09/2013

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I really feel for you.
It sounds hard enough being a step mum in today's society without your step sons father/ your partner, going off at you for not having a second pitcher of tea readily available for his son to drink. I hope his son wasn't listening to his father going off at you :(

My exhusband treated his mother this way, it made me feel awkward and embarrased to know him.

I remember one morning when we went over to my in laws for breakfast. Our children and my husband (at the time) sat at the table where my mother in law had cooked up a big breaky.
My husband decided that he wanted toast with vegemite and grilled cheese instead.
She happily got up from her breakfast and made it for him, but when she put it down infront of him he rejected it and demanded that it be remade, but this time with more vegemite and cheese all the way to the edges. She then got up to remake it for him.

I was embarrassed for her and angry that my husband felt that it was ok to degrade his mother and my children's Nanna like this so I snapped at him.

Unfortunately my saying something embarrassed her further and she looked upset as she sat back down. But then to my shock, my father in law got up and remade it for him.

It's really hard to know what to say or do as these situations silence people. But when it happened over and over and I saw that my children started to treat me and they're grandparents like that, it was time to leave. Well there were other reasons too.

You and your daughter sound lovely, If i can be so bold, you deserve a big thank you and respect for all you do
X

Janice - posted on 07/08/2013

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Move out immediately. You are a maid and un-paid hoe to this man. His son sees him disrespecting you so he is just doing the same

Danielle - posted on 07/08/2013

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I have been doing my own clothes since I was 13. I say let him do his own laundry, he's old enough to do it. He's also old enough to get his own lunch and things like that. My 11 yr old does that himself.

Reta - posted on 07/08/2013

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There is only one thing you need to do is move out. You should have never moved in with a man anyway and you don't have any rights because you are just a live in guest.

Megha Chirag - posted on 07/08/2013

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The boy is creating your life like a merry go round.Better be aware of such boys and my only one suggestion move out from there with your darling asap.
Good Luck&All The BEST.

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First thing you need to keep in mind is just that, he wasn't brought up by you and his upbringing was probably totally different. Second is you are the enemy, I know you didn't do anything wrong, and you are trying your best, but he didn't ask for the relationship he is now in also. Third don't try and rear him the way you have always reared your daughter, it isn't going to happen.He is at the age where most teenagers rebel,, and he has more to rebel against then most, as far as the new sister and new relationship. My advice is hold on tight because it is going to be a bumpy ride. I would try speaking to his father and tell him of the concerns you have, I would also try and not push issues, he doesn't want to clean his room or bring his clothes out then let it go, let his father know that you have asked several times and he hasn't done what you have asked, then tell his father and him that it is his responsibility to brings his clothes out and clean his room, if he doesn't do it then he can wear dirty clothes and live in a pig sty. He has to be held responsible for his actions, he isn't a child he is on his way to adulthood and should be treated that way. Dad needs to step up, he may be more laid back and thats fine, but if he wants the relationship to work, that laid back attitude needs to be a little less. You need to keep focused on the relationship, saying you don't think it is going to work will play against you, have a united front, let him see nothing he does is going to change you and his father being together. Good luck as I said it isn't going to be easy but anything worth having takes work and this is no different :)

-Irene - posted on 07/05/2013

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In a similar situation; we've been trying to "blend" for a few years now. Nothing we've tried works. Just now, the stepson who is here for his summer visit said "Are you gonna make some dinner or what?" I opened the fridge...there's 4 leftover dinners from Olive Garden ready to heat and eat, there's 8 shredded chicken breasts with taco seasoning cooked and ready to heat and eat, 2 packets of taco shells, cheese, lettuce, onion, sour cream, tomoatos, there's 7 boxes of mac n cheese to make, there's 6 packets of ramen, a bag of frozen chicken strips, Mexican rice, Spanish rice, blah blah blah. I've been out the whole day and he's acting like he's starving to death. He's old enough to cook. So why isn't he cooking? Yah...anyway. Best wishes.

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