Need hubby to want me but I'm invisible

Cindy - posted on 03/21/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I have a wonderful husband. The one my mom has prayed for her dtr to find. People everywhere tell me how great of a guy he is. And he is. But he has a flaw. A strange one as far as im concerned. He has no idea how to "want me." Never has. We have discussed it. I hoped it would improve as we learned how to relate to each other. We got married jun 1 last yr and got pregnant on honeymoon. So now we have a 3 week old. He loves us so much. He tells me every day. But he goes through every day as if we are roommates. He will kiss me. But never acts like he wants to be intimate. I have discussed it with him many times. The most recent, I broke down and cried telling him I felt so embarrassed as if I had to beg for sex. He apologized. But still nothing. He is very kind hearted when he knows I'm hurt. He wants to "do better," but never makes serious advances. He will however accept oral sex from me, which I have done twice since coming home from the hosp. All this would not be bad if it were just because I had a baby almost a month ago but this has been going on since we met. I overlooked it because we are both 40/43 and all the good qualities outweighed the flaws. And on the other hand if he were more sexual then there may be worse problems to have to deal with. I really want to have a close intimate relationship with him but I'm about to give up. I just can't see living the rest of our life only having sex 10 times a yr. To make things worse, after him discovering I ate a whole pckg of Reese cups and teasing me I teased back that he prob looks at porn. Well he admitted he does. Which I told him it would not b so bad if he wanted to have sex with me... Which he then said he did want to. He is just too tired. And here is my flaws. I cannot keep house and take care of our baby, too. I cannot even manage to get a meal cooked for him. I don't try to entice him to turn him on. I guess because I don't feel all that attracted to him. We are in a no win situation. And I feel I make it worse on him because now that i know he is attracted to porn more than me (although he would dispute that but all i know is you're doing that but but not me) i turn away when he tries to kiss me. I am about quit telling him I love him and just say "let's just be friends." I feel like I am being childish by reacting to him like this but it hurts too bad to kiss him and tell him I love him. My concern right now is caring for our baby and loving him and keeping him safe & healthy. I am trying to put aside my issues with hubby but it hurts and I feel no inspiration to be a good wife. Please share your thoughts & advice with me. Thanks.

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