Need input on whether to file for protection from 20 year old son

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I spent my son's entire life trying to help him and figure out what was "wrong" with him. He'd seen many different doctors and been given many different diagnosis (bipolar, adhd, aspergers, etc) and been on over 50 prescription medications through the years. Things helped in some ways and hurt in others (ie: Risperdal helped but made him obese).

Finally, when he was 17, I took him to a naturopath where we discovered he had food allergies and sensitivities. When he went off everything on the list for 6 weeks, he was sweet, calm, helpful and loving.

He'd gotten his GED because he had been unable to continue in school. He's highly intelligent (gifted). I felt like I'd won the race by finally finding out what was wrong. I wanted his Dad (we have been divorced since my son was 7) to help pay for college to give my son the fresh start he deserved. He wouldn't agree to put it in writing, so I had to go to arbitration and pay for him to help with support. I won.

Things started off great my son's first quarter in college in Sept, 2013. But then, during the second quarter in Jan, 2014, he turned to all of the foods he's not supposed to eat, and became addicted to online gaming. He cut classes and got bad grades. He became verbally abusive to me calling me "bitch" instead of "Mom" and punching holes in walls if he didn't get his way. He demanded I buy him pizza one night and when I said no, he took a kitchen chair and smashed it against the kitchen island, causing damage, and then into the wood floor, causing more damage. When that didn't change my mind, he grabbed a steak knife and stabbed my kitchen counters.

Not long after that, I came home from work one evening and quietly said "hi" to my cats upstairs as my son played on his computer downstairs. He charged up the stairs, towered over me and got in my face berating me for saying "hi" because his microphone for online gaming picked up my voice. I locked myself in my bedroom to get away from him and he broke the door in, grabbed a decorative item I had hanging on my wall and stabbed it into the wall of my bedroom.

He also told me he would "slit my throat while I slept".

My son is 6' tall and about 300lbs. I am 5'2". It was the first time I was really scared living alone with him.

Not long after that, in March of 2014, he called me a "whore" and was ungrateful for the $50 I gave him as a birthday present. I told him I didn't know who he was any more and he needed to leave. He called his Stepmom and Dad. They rescued him, believed his lies that it was me and set him up in an apartment.

I went back to the arbitrator and described what had happened. I told him that it wasn't right for me to have to pay college and living expenses after my son caused severe damage to my house. It was ruled that I could subtract the costs to repair all of the damage from what I was supposed to pay him for college. I have spent the last year doing just that.

This last January, 2015, my son contacted me and asked if he could claim himself on his taxes since he had worked and paid for my share of school. I wanted to encourage him to keep being responsible and I thought my giving in to this request would be the start of a more respectful and reciprocal relationship, so I agreed. After agreeing, I asked if we could go out to dinner and celebrate my belated 50th bday (from Dec. 2014) and I told him I'd love to catch up and hear about college and who he was living with, etc. He told me he only wanted a business relationship with me (meaning financial support for college) and said no.

In Feb, 2015, he contacted me asking for a bunch of books from his old room. I told him that if I gave him books, that would constitute a personal relationship and asked if he was ready to have one. He said no. So I said no to the books.

I went to clean his room this last weekend and saw shelves of his books gone. Over 60 books at least. I went out back to find my fake rock that had a spare house key in it and discovered it was gone. My son stole my key and the books.

I contacted him and his Dad via email to ask about this. No response. I contacted the police and was told there was nothing they could do and advised me to get a protection order that keeps him away from my home because only then could they get involved.

I am left not knowing if I should file for harassment or domestic violence protection or to just let this go and hope he leaves me alone. I don't want to add fuel to his fire. But I also don't want to be the next Mom you read about who was killed by her own son.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm just so sad.

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MaryAnn - posted on 06/02/2015




If he has taken your key, please... please change your locks. Filing for a domestic violence protection order may help him get the medical help he needs, and may keep you safer.

Saijra - posted on 06/02/2015




Wow thats unbelievable I'm so sorry when I first started reading this I thought maybe he could have split personality but if certain foods cause this to happen I never heard of this if you do get a restraining order you have to remember its just a peace of paper it won't keep him away if you see something else is misplaced or missing yes file whatever it is that you can file.

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