Need opinions on name change for a 4 year old

Kim - posted on 05/14/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am 22 years old and my nephew is now 4. I've had him since he was 18 months. His birth mother (my sister) gave him the name Taylor Michael Ramsey when he was born. Michael Ramsey was the guy she was currently dating at the time he was born. She abandoned him at my house when he was 18 months old and never came back. We have also never heard from Mike Ramsey after this incident either. There was a guy who confronted me after I had received emergency custody saying that he thought he may be the father and would like a DNA test. I was more than happy to go through with that, as he seemed to be a good guy. He saw him every few months after he discovered he in fact WAS the father. But now hasn't saw him since christmas, which has been over 5 months now. No call on his birthday, no call on easter, nothing. Well, he is about to start preschool and I don't want him to have this random guys name during school. But I don't think his real father deserves to have him take on his last name either. The only family that has anything to do with him all have the last name Taylor. (Including his birth mom) so I would like to change his last name to Taylor. Clearly I cannot let him go through school to be made fun of because he has the same first/last name so I thought of changing it to Michael Taylor and still calling him by Taylor. Or even giving him his papaws middle name and making it Michael Lee Taylor. Do you think this is too big of a change for a 4 year old and what kind of impact would that have on him?

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Jodi - posted on 05/15/2014

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It's just a surname. The kid is going to know he has a mother and a father, regardless of whether they are model parents or not. To be honest, who is going to even know it was some random crackhead except you? A 4 year old probably feels some level of ownership over his name already. Why confuse the child? This isn't about what the father deserves or doesn't deserve, but the feelings of a little child who does not understand why he has to change the name that he knows and probably cares about.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/16/2014

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Well, if you're in the states, it may be a moot point anyway, because it's a legal process that has to be done through the courts, with a petition to the judge that will be publicized for 6 weeks for anyone to object. If anyone does object, then the judge will take that into consideration.

He's 4 years old. His name is the only thing that's really HIS, and you want to take that away from him?

You need to realize that just because he carries some 'random crackhead's name', it doesn't mean that there's anything WRONG with it, just that you don't like it because of the associations that you have with the name.

I'd get over it, let the kid keep the name he's known for 4 years now, and if HE decides HE wants to change it down the road, HE can then do so.

Melanie - posted on 05/16/2014

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I wouldn't change his name It is the only thing his birth mother left him with Let him decide when he gets older if he wants to change it Would confuse him now My parents used my step dad's last name without him adopting me and the school made me use the name on my birth certificate Made things confusing Let him change it later if he wants

Tanya - posted on 05/15/2014

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I wouldn't change his name.
I know his mother is not in the picture but it might be the only thing he hangs on to later on in his life that his mother gave him. Don't take that away from him.

But you'll always be his mommy :-) (don't worry)

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2014

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But it is HIS name. Remember, whether he knows the guy or not, it has been his name for 4 years. He still holds that name precious to him because it is his. He doesn't know the significance of a name other than that this is how he identifies himself. A name is part of a person's identity, even when you are 4.

Kim - posted on 05/15/2014

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The name he has isn't his father's name though. Its no relation to him whatsoever. He has never even met the guy.

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2014

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Oh, I missed that, lol. I am not really understanding why his name MUST be changed though. Does it really matter?

Gena - posted on 05/15/2014

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Taylor Taylor would be abit akward..then they might make fun of him.But i also dont see why they would make fun of his name he has now?

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2014

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You can't change his last name without adopting him. You also have to go through legal channels to change his first name. Which means since his mother's name is on the birth certificate she would need to give permission to do do....even if you have custody at the moment.

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