Need some advice.

Sky - posted on 11/12/2016 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi,

My husbands ex wife has recently changed his daughters surname to her maiden name, she will not allow him to have any contact with her but he pays her csa, she has gone and done this with out his consent saying he is violent because of something she made up and had him arrested for even though it was all lies, does he need to still pay her csa for his daughter now she no longer has his name? She is 4 yrs old and apparently she wanted her name changed (this is meant to be someone who's never told that her daddy's a horrible, nasty, violent person) his other children all still have his surname so she's the only one that has it changed.

21 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 11/18/2016

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Again, how long ago did they split up?
If you are married to a man that has a 1yo, you haven't been together very long. Maybe she did it out of spite since he has already remarried.

Jodi - posted on 11/18/2016

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Basically, a name change doesn't change his obligations to pay child support, because a name change does not make her any less a biological child.

Sky - posted on 11/18/2016

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Thank you all for you help, as I said my husband has never even considered stopping paying child support, we were just unsure about it because of her name being changed, unfortunately his ex wife is very good at woe is me and has told a load of lies to have his daughters name changed, everything will be sorted out in court over the next few months when his case starts for custardy of his daughter.

Ev - posted on 11/18/2016

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Chris--

Your TV movies do not encompass what the legal system here does. It is just a board overview of how it might work in some cases. You must be aware that all the 50 states have their own versions of child custody, visitation, and child support. It may have some basic laws of custody, visitation and child support but after that basic set of laws each state has their own definitions of what that is all about. It does not easily transfer state to state either. Movies just show a glimpse of things not the reality.

Chris - posted on 11/18/2016

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If it was done without consent between the two parents, I think it's illegal. In France, when the consent of both parents is required and only one fact is annulled by the courts. I do not know how the American justice system works, but it seems to be similar to that of my country based on the TV movies that I have seen on real facts. You will need to ask a lawyer what you can do.
Cordially.

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2016

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Like we have said, a name change doesn't change a person's DNA. He is still the Father and still needs to support his child.
The rest needs to be sorted out in court.

Jodi - posted on 11/16/2016

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The children don't GET to have a say in it. She is 4. He has rights. But keeping record of paying child support has NOTHING to do with custody. They are two completely separate issues. Dad needs to file for court ordered visitation, and depending on where you live, I would question the name change too. Does dad have a lawyer?

Sky - posted on 11/16/2016

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Thank you Jodi, unfortunately the children are all with the same person and she has played mind games with them so they want nothing to do with their dad, he pays csa through the bank so has a record of it and has copys of every text, wats app message ect, he is in contact with his daughters school and get regular updates on how she is doing and has copies of her school reports photos ect, he would never stop paying child support for his children it was just that we were unsure as she had changed his little girls surname, we have copies of everything that is posted daily on a social networking site about us both and all the threats of violence from her and her family and friends, my husbands case will be very much in his favour when he goes to court soon.

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2016

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Ultimately, if mum is preventing him from seeing the child, that is parental alienation. She could get into trouble for that with the court, and dad might even have a good case for primary custody on that basis. It isn't ok. But whatever he does, he should NOT stop paying child support. And he should NOT stop attempting to see his child.

He needs to document every time he makes an attempt to see his child and is told no. He should document all payments he is making to support his child. he should document every time he sees his other children. Do the other children ask after their sister (I'm assuming it is a different mother) - if so, document it. Do the other children have contact with her?

The fact is, that CHILD has a right to a relationship with her father and her siblings and extended family. If the mother is stopping this, then that can be argued in court as alienation and not acting in the best interests of the child. I hope your husband has a good lawyer who can argue this.

Sky - posted on 11/12/2016

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The reason he didn't do it when they split up was because everything was ok between them, he was seeing and having his daughter regularly and seeing his other children as well, then his ex found out we were together and she didn't like it so started say you can see her, no you can't, yes you can ect, when we got married she stopped him having any contact at all with his daughter, that's why he's now taking it to court to see her.

Sky - posted on 11/12/2016

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My husband doesn't want to stop paying for his daughter at all he has never had a problem paying or his children, he has never missed or been late with a payment for his children, we were just wondering what his rights were that's all, he is going to court for rights to see his daughter because at the end of the day it's his daughter and he should be in her life and be bringing her up as well, there is no reason for him to not be in his daughters life it's all down to spite on his ex wife's behalf because he will not go back to her and it's the only way she knows that will hurt him, his older children have listened to the lies from their mum and her family and friends so have decided not to have anything to do with him at the moment but he has told them that no matter what they decide right now he loves and misses them and they are always welcome when they decide they want to know him again, it's just very hard for them right now to come to terms that their mum and dad are no longer together.

Ev - posted on 11/12/2016

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When they divorced they should have taken care of custody, visitation along with the child support!

Sky - posted on 11/12/2016

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There is currently no court order, the marriage ended and one minuet he was allowed to see her the next he wasn't in the end her mother decided he wasn't going to see her again with out taking it to court so that's what we're doing now.

Sky - posted on 11/12/2016

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Yes he is her dad, he doesn't want to stop paying for her at all, I was just asking if anyone knew what his rights were that's all, it's all going to court for him to see her as its his right as her dad, just because her mum and dad are not together anymore her mum thinks she can do what she wants to just out of spite to hurt him.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2016

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Like the other ladies have said, a name doesn't determine who are the bio parents. She is still his child regardless of what name she has. The Mother could have given her the maiden name at birth if she had wanted to.
Like Jodi said, it doesn't sound like he been to court to get visitation so that's what needs to be done. That's if he wants to see her.
It sounds like your husband should have been more careful since he other children as well. How many different women does he have children to?

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2016

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Firstly, child support is paid to biological children whether they have the same name, or not, whether you see them or not. Biological parents have an obligation to financially support children they bring into this world. The only exception to this is if the child is adopted by someone else.

Secondly, if your husband is not getting to see his child, then maybe he needs to file for visitation in court. What do the current court orders say about his rights (I'm thinking he doesn't have any which is why he is in this predicament in the first place)?

Dove - posted on 11/12/2016

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What do their court orders say as far as custody and visitation are concerned? Dropping child support over a NAME is petty and immature. If she is his biological daughter it shouldn't matter if her name became Bob Anderson (as long as his last name isn't Anderson...lol)... that is still his child and she still deserves support from her father. She also deserves a relationship w/ her father unless a court deems him unfit, so if there is no court order or if the mother is in violation of the court order... he needs to get a lawyer and fight to have time w/ his child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/12/2016

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Must not be in the US, because in the US, it is a legal process that both parents have to agree to.

Regardless, is this child biologically your husbands? If so, and he wants to stop paying support just because of a name, your husband is childish and irresponsible, and doesn't deserve to have a child.

Regardless of the child's surname, HE IS STILL HER FATHER and still obligated to support her. He also has his own rights, and if he feels that he is not getting those rights to visitation, etc, then he needs to pursue it with his attorney

Michele - posted on 11/12/2016

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At four she is not mentally able to make such a decision. She cannot possibly comprehend what she is doing. But, no matter her last name both parents should be doing what they can to support her mentally, physically and financially.

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