Need some advice

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

Need some advice...I was doing the laundry tonight and found a dirty pair of little girls panties in my husband's pants pocket. I have no idea where he got them or what they were doing there but they were dirty in the front and back. Has anyone ever had this happen to them before? I'm a little worried :(

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Sandra - posted on 07/29/2012

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What do you mean, "I'm a little worried"?
Is there any conceivable explanation that a sane person would believe?
The only real question is do you have children, and do you have a lawyer?

Bobbi - posted on 07/30/2012

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Coming from mom that has been though this. DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY. My ex husband is facing 25 years to life in prison for molesting and raping his 14 month old granddaughter, there were 2 other children he had molested as well, but no one knows who they are. (they found all his horrendous actions on video on his gf's phone) 4 months ago. There were no signs while we were married. He hid it well. We were together 9 years and I never suspected it. This was not the reason I left him, in fact I left him 2 years prior, before all this happened. I however do not know if he did anything to my children when they were little, I never will. The detectives told me that this wasn't just something he just "got into", that it had been going on for years. It came out that when he had my daughters one weekend, he molested my daughter, made his gf watch, but she never reported it. After 2 years, she told me what she saw, and he told her this had happened before. He scared my 5 year old daughter to secrecy. She still will not talk about it, she just cries. If I would have known, saw any sign, maybe I could have prevented hurting those babies, and my daughter. My advice, is just like all the other moms here, go to the police. Talking to him will not give you any answers. If he is doing something wrong, he wont admit it. Let the police handle the investigation on it. Im sorry you are going through this, Its hard, but I really cannot find one explanation of why he would have a "dirty" pair of a little girls panties in his pocket, all negative thoughts enter my mind. If you need someone to talk to, who has been there, im here.

Jennifer - posted on 07/30/2012

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Honestly, if I put a pair of my own undies in my pocket it wouldn't be something that would slip my mind and would have forgotten to take out of my pocket before putting them in the wash.

I can't see any explanation of why a man would have a pair of little girls underwear in his pockets, maybe because my husband would have solicited assistance from someone else if it came to the personal care of a little girl (even his own) unless it was the last option. In this case he would have come home (if he hadn't called first) with an explanation of why he had soiled underwear. In fact, my husband would have thrown them away rather than carry them around in his pocket so it makes you wonder if it was a trophy of sorts. Honestly, I would ask and I certainly wouldn't ignore what your gut is telling you. I think you know and might not possibly want to admit to yourself the reality of this situation but remember most individuals sexually molested and abused are familiar with the victim. Think about whose face you might have to look into wondering or later knowing you could have saved trauma and heartache if you followed your gut!

Pray about it and don't be fearful to do the right thing!

Nina - posted on 07/30/2012

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keep a pantie in a safe place where ur husband wouldnt able to find it.. and then talk to him about it where it comes from. if you think hes lying. please go to police! u could have save girl

Jeannie - posted on 07/30/2012

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I want to think there is a good reason for this. I am assuming you do not have a daughter that would wear those panties since you didn't say they were your daughters. My brother put a pair of his son's undies in his pants because they were out at a park and he didn't have any where else to put them. Is there a girl in your/his family that he could have been with? Maybe he did the same thing as my brother and didn't bring anything to put dirty clothes in? Or has he gone swimming and maybe picked them up trying to catch the girl or her parents? If so maybe he couldn't find them and forgot about the panties. This is a stretch I know but I am trying to go with innocent until proven guilty thing.

I would talk to him, but also put the panties in a baggie and not wash them and keep them in a safe place. Talk to him right away so if his story doesn't seem to add up you can turn them over to the police with some evidence still in decent condition. You know him and will get a gut feeling if he is telling the truth or not.

Good luck and sorry you had to be in this position!

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[deleted account]

Hi girls ...everything is OK...hubby grabbed them from the bathroom and forgot to put them in the hamper over the weekend. They were from my neighbors lil girl we babysit often and he is forgetful...thanks for all the well wishes and hope everyone has a great rest of the week! :)

Heather - posted on 07/31/2012

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Seriously something has to be done about this if this woman doesn't respond is there away we could report this?

Dove - posted on 07/31/2012

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Since she hasn't been back to this post I will share the information from the same post she made on a different board. They don't have any daughters. She is expecting her first child. She does baby sit a 7 year old girl. The panties are stained with poop and pee.

That is all the additional information that's been given and I REALLY hope she comes and responds again somewhere. There is no possible good explanation for this. There just isn't.

Lorlyn - posted on 07/31/2012

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Would sure like to know Kayla all the 'details' of what you find out. How did you confront him - How did he react; what did he say - Do you or don't you have daughters? Etc...Etc...Etc....
I feel for you having to be in this position. I'm praying there's a 'logical' explanation.

Mandy - posted on 07/31/2012

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There are so many things that werent put in this post.... Have u got reason to be concerned? (U know, that niggly feeling that something is not right?) Do u have kids? Before everyone convicts him remember the saying "innocent until proven guilty"? Im not saying that it doesnt sound suspicious but there are so many other factors that werent mentioned. U definately need to sit down with him as soon as possible and get down to the bottom of this. If it still sounds wrong, then u need to go with your gut instinct. Please let us know how it goes. PS. If he is abusive or short tempered then make sure this situation does not become too volatile. Also realise, that no matter the outcome (but if he has an innocent explanation) the trust is ruined and will probably affect the marriage. Good luck and sending lots of prayers your way.

Sandy - posted on 07/31/2012

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That's not a simple thing to bring up in conversation. This is a definite "We need to talk" scenario. When you say "dirty," do you mean poopy or what? That's important too. I have a daghter, and would ask my husband about it when found also; not sue to suspicion, but more out of concern for my daughter having had an accident.

Amie - posted on 07/30/2012

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He will deny if you ask him, just don't dismiss this so lightly. They belong to someone and no one deserves to be sexually abused. If you've found out his seceret, he'll go to bigger lengths to hide it. Sexual abuses are addicted to what they do. They don't just stop.

It is weird and any explanation better be a good one. Don't make yourself believe him, out of denial etc. You'll only destroy yourself and any victims.

Hide the panties and bring up the conversation. Tell him threw them out and if you feel you might be threatend, bring up the conversation on rubbish collection day, so he can't go searching for evidence. Sounds extreme but he is likely to deny it then act sneaky behind your back. keep an eye out on him. If your not convinced but don't want to go to police just yet, then I would be checking computers and mobile phones.


Good luck. Please keep us informed.

Sherri - posted on 07/30/2012

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WOW, what a horrible situation to be in. He's your husband and deserves your loyalty, so I would say that you should put the panties somewhere safe and talk to your hubby. You'll have a gut idea after you talk. Don't blame or confront him just tell him what you found, listen to what he has to say and if he asks for them tell him you got rid of them. You'll know what needs to be done if anything. Good luck honey, I hope it's something that is explained easily.

Eve - posted on 07/30/2012

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If you are worried, then you probably have your answer, if they belonged to your daughter then you would have said so, you emphasized that they were dirty front and back, which makes me believe it wasn't a normal "soiled". If untrue these accusations could destroy your marriage but if true your husband could be destroying a little girl. My suggesstion turn it into the police and ask that they not tell Hume that it was you, see how it plays out. I am so sorry you are going through this.

[deleted account]

Go to the police right away!!!! There is no reason on earth those should be there. I would not confront him because you may be putting your life in danger. Seriously.

Nina - posted on 07/30/2012

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keep a pantie in a safe place where ur husband wouldnt able to find it.. and then talk to him about it where it comes from. if you think hes lying. please go to police! u could have save girl

Isobel - posted on 07/29/2012

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wait a second...LITTLE GIRL PANTIES? How little? Do you mean just much smaller than you wear or actually a child's pair of underwear?

Isobel - posted on 07/29/2012

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yes, this did happen to me before. I am divorced now and my daughter has a sister that is three months older than her (because I didn't find the evidence until after I was pregnant).

I wish you luck, but more than that, I wish you clear eyes.

Determined - posted on 07/29/2012

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Whether you have a daughter or not there is no reason as to why her panties would be in his pocket! If you don't have a daughter then when the hell did he get them. Honestly husband or not go to the police you could be saving some little girl years of pain.

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