Need some advice/help on how to separate/divorce... I am unemployed!

Sandra - posted on 08/27/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone, I am in an unhealthy relationship which is affecting my 5 year old boy (he is having behavior problems at school, but he is bright,smart and sweet) , I am too stressed all the time and unable to find a job where I live, I keep sending my resume but I am not having any calls and it is frustrating. Please I need some help/advice from single moms, what are the steps to be a free woman? My dream is to have my own place, share custody and be able to pay my bills. How can I get help somewhere if I can not get a job? My resume have been seen and fixed by a professional I am a graphic designer and where I live is a small town, there are not that many Graphic Designer openings. Please I am desperate for support, any advice will be appreciate it! Thank you very much in advanced. I live in FL btw.

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Guest - posted on 08/28/2014

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Go to the Department of Social Services (DSS) or Department of Health Services (DHS). Someone there can tell you about any services they have available and help you figure out what you do and do not qualify for. They can also point you in the right direction in regards to your divorce. You will need Family Court for that, but I really don't know where to start.

You may need to look outside of your town for a position in a specialized field like graphic design. If moving isn't an option, and you have the software you need, you could also market yourself as a freelance designer and marketer to the businesses in your area. Small towns usually have a lot of small businesses who cannot afford a marketing department. Offer your services as an alternative to a large and impersonal marketing firm--small business owners love to support other small business owners. Lastly, you could also consider an entry level position outside of your field to start--a lot of employers will accept an applicant with a Bachelors degree in any field for entry positions because they want to train them anyway. Once hired, you can emphasize your design background and be first choice when a position does open up and at least have some income while you continue to send out your resume.

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Sandra - posted on 08/27/2014

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Thank you for your answer, I don't have any savings, it is a verbally abusive relationship but not interested in pressing charges against him, I just want to focus on leaving him. I feel like I'm trapped, unable to do anything, he does not allowed me to have money, if I need to do grocery shopping I have to go with him, or stuff like that, he is very controling. I live in a small town where there is no much employment opportunity for my career at least (I am a graphic designer), a professional has fixed my resume and I can't do much but cross my fngers! I am a total ignorant on laws and goverment help, I live in Florida, where can I go to get help/advice from someone who can guide me and tell me what options do I have?

Guest - posted on 08/27/2014

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Make sure your resume is well put together. Many employers will pass over women who have been stay at home mothers for more than a couple of years because they figure their skills and personal networks are outdated. Make sure your resume reflects all of the volunteer work you did while staying at home, and try to explain how skills used in those positions transfer to your career.
Also, make sure your resume reflects your passion for your career field. If your resume just shows a 5 year gap of doing nothing, the employer will assume that you were completely consumed with your family and that you will have a difficult time transitioning to working, separating work life and family life. Those volunteer positions are very important in demonstrating that you can handle professional roles in addition to your family role.

Unfortunately, unless you have some savings stocked away that your hubby doesn't have legal access too, the first step you have to make is getting a job. There are programs out there that help jobless women who are leaving abusive relationships, but they usually require the mom and child to press charges against the abuser, and live in a shelter until housing can be acquired. You didn't describe your relationship as abusive, just unhealthy, so I'm not sure if those programs will be right for you. Once you have a job, and enough saved up for deposits and moving expenses, you can move out and apply for social services like food stamps, housing assistance, and the like.

Depending on your state laws, you may need to move out before you can legally file your separation papers, but some states allow you to file before you move out. Most states require a waiting period between filing the separation and the divorce papers, and that varies by state. You will need to speak to your attorney for accurate info on the divorce stuff.

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