Need some advice on my 10month ds!

Lily - posted on 06/25/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

3

0

1

Ok I am a first time mum, and am really struggling at the moment my son needs to be constantly occupied he can't be doing something for more than about 10minutes! He still has 2 bottles a night which is making me to tired I do have OH who does help out occasionally, he works 8hours aday, and mainly sleeps because he is always so tired he doesn't do any night feeds! I just have to get on and do things for myself we constantly argue which makes me feel like crap a lot also I suffer with depression a lot which makes me feel so down all the time! I was on anti-depressants but stopped them a couple of weeks ago because I thought they wasn't doing much for me? Has anyone got any advice I feel like I can't do this much longer!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

2 Comments

View replies by

Guest - posted on 06/25/2014

460

0

26

There is a lot going on here.
First, 10 minutes is about the typical attention span for a 10 month old unless they are napping or sleeping. That behavior is typical, but there are a few things you can do to keep your sanity. First, if you haven't already, join a play group, book club for moms, or some other activity where you can meet and interact with other moms on a regular basis. The actual activity will tire your son out for a longer nap that day. In addition to getting to desress with other moms in your situation, you will make friends who can help out by watching your son for you while you run errands or go on a date in exchange for you watching their's, so you can have a break once or twice a month. Fit your cleaning into 10 minute intervals--I simply set a timer then do everything I can in one room during that 10 minutes, then I close the door to that room. If I didn't finish, it will still be there tomorrow, but usually I finish. Obviously that doesn't work for the kitchen and living room where you spend the day, but it's an easy way to take care of the bedrooms, bathrooms, office, and formal rooms. Let your son help with laundry--just give him a few pieces to play with while he watches you fold--it is cute to see him try to mimic you. When he naps, resist the urge to clean and get stuff done, instead, take a nap yourself, or take some time to cuddle up with a book, or spend time on your own hobbies. This is like your "lunch hour" if you had a job--you need to take a break, and you can't do that when the baby is awake, so this is YOUR time.

Fighting with hubby is hard. The first year after having a child is always difficult and full of conflict. 8 hours is an average work day. While I agree he shouldn't have to get up for night feedings because he can't nap at work (or during lunch, unless he wants to give up eating), but he can do some "fatherly" things after work to help you out. A good father spends time with his child to bond, so have him take your son for activities that will allow them to bond while you take a break or focus on cooking dinner--dad can give him a bath, read him a story, take over diaper duty, and if you are using bottles, he can even feed the baby. That said, this isn't a time for you to sit down and enjoy yourself alone either though, because your husband will feel resentful--no matter how hard we work all day, many husbands can't help but feel we were home doing nothing all day. Use the time he is focusing on the baby to finish up all of your chores, cook dinner, etc. THEN after the baby is in bed for the night, you can both sit down and relax together (or apart) at the same time so no resentment is felt or built up.

The antidepressants. You should NEVER stop taking antidepressants without consulting your doctor--and I don't mean a 15 minute visit to tell him or her you don't feel anything and want to stop. When on the proper antidepressant, you shouldn't feel like you are on any medication at all, you should just feel normal. Normal comes with ups and downs, it doesn't mean you will never be upset or sad or angry or unhappy. The antidepressant doesn't eliminate bad feelings, it simply helps you cope with them without going to an extreme. I think a lot of people expect too much from an antidepressant. If you are still feeling suicidal on the medication, you need to talk to your doctor about changing. If you are not feeling suicidal, are not thinking about hurting your baby or anyone else, and are able to take care of your baby on a daily basis without resorting to self medicating (drugs or alcohol) or abandonment, the medication is doing it's job. Parenthood is hard, you need to expect that you are going to have times everyday when you don't want to deal with your kid, when you want to run away, or when you want to hit your husband in the head with a hammer. It is when you feel you cannot control those urges without medication that something is wrong and you need to get to your doctor as soon as possible--and I mean get in the car and drive over there immediately, don't wait for an appointment. If you have an OBGYN they are trained in PPD and even if your depression issues are not related to PPD, they will see you immediately, and they have time built into their schedules for these situations.

Lily - posted on 06/25/2014

3

0

1

Also he has been teething, he has had he's seventh tooth cut through a week ago ,so don't know if that's making him grumpy?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms