Need some advise from Single Mommy's

Ashley - posted on 03/16/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hello Gals!
I have been split with my Son's father for over a year now, no court orders. I never filed, because I was worried that he would get partial time-share and I know of his illegal drug usage and sketchy whereabouts. He has not helped support our son and disappears often. I recently put in papers for child support, but I just got word that he moved to another state last month. Would I benefit from him moving away from ("abondoning") our son, if I take him to court? I will be getting legal advise soon, I just wanted to hear your experiences and learn from them.

Thank You & Kind Regards,
Ashley

7 Comments

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Smeyers1718 - posted on 03/16/2016

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Hi Ashley, I was a single mom. I also had a loser dad who dud drugs, drink etc, I also made enough money to provide a life for my daughter. Laws are different from state to state so it would really be in your best interest to speak to a lawyer. It may cost you 300+ but it will give you clearer direction. However, in my state of Florida child support is seperate from child custody. Basically he didn't have to pay and I still had to let him see our child. He was still living in the state so it was easier for me. However if he lives out of state he will probably get most long holidays and probably half or all of your child's summer vacation (sorry, don't know how old you child is). However, if he is like my ex he will never show up, or will nor have enough funds to fly her to him. But, if there are his extended family let them see the child. Children need lots of family around them. I let her grandma her step grandma, uncles aunts take her for a day or two. Sometimes she would hate it sometimes not. What I am trying to get you to understand is this is now about what is in the best interest of your child. Not what you think is best interstate but what the cours think are best interest. And I am telling you, in my state they are very lenient with dead beat dad's but very strict on custody issues. I cannot tell you what to do other than get a lawyers advise. You don't have to do anything right away but you need good strong legal advise. Helpful hints write down all of your questions that he will pay for, school supplies, college(room,board booksetc), medical insurane, Co pays, extra medical costs, dental, vision, yearly increases, visitation schedules, holiday schedules (make sure you figure out how to get the good holidays), vacations, if he is out of state, school schedules, homework, does he pay for flights. Who is going with the child on the plane etc? Think of everything your child will need ( not2want) good luck. Being a single parent is hard but it can be done. Oh one other thing try not to let any other boyfriends meet her until you have a ring or you have at least had that marriage talk. Believe me, if after one year and a guy doesn't propose, move on. Good luck and hugs

Ashley - posted on 03/16/2016

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Shawn-
Maybe I didn't give enough information. I did not fail to give him access from the beginning. When he lived here, I would set up times for him to see our son and he never showed up. Our son use to stay with him on the weekends and he would be drunk when he returned our son back to me. Our son has not stayed with him since. I am sorry if you do not agree with that, but my son's safety is more important to me. I figured this was too personal of information to give out, but I guess since I am being judged I should just put it all out there. I have no hard feelings or animosity towards my son's father. We get along quite well actually. I pay for my child well enough, the support will go into our son's bank account for college. I am an adult, I was just mislead from other people about what could happen if I take him to court, so I opted to not. He never came around and I don't need his contribution. So why do it? Now with him moving, he has the ability to take him to another state without my consent. I do not want to take that chance. I appreciate your response but I was not helpful. It was pretty aggressive, unnecessary, and full of negative energy. I would appreciate it if you did not comment on my conversations. Have a great day.

Ashley - posted on 03/16/2016

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Dove-
Thank you! That was exactly the information I was looking for! He has a SERIOUS background of these issues that I believe will be proof enough. This was greatly appreciated!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/16/2016

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Talk to an attorney. Since you failed to allow his access in the beginning, no wonder he hasn't pushed...but YOU need to be an adult, FILE for legal custody, ask for visitation to be set up, and get support set.

He has to pay for his child. YOU have to be an adult and let him have a relationship, regardless of your feelings for him.

Dove - posted on 03/16/2016

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My ex moved away and pretty much didn't see our kids for a year and a half. I got full custody, but he has visitation rights... as he should since he's the father. Transportation costs are 100% on him, but he does have a right to a relationship w/ his children if he chooses to utilize his rights.

If you have proof of his drug use... use it to try and get supervised visitations. If he doesn't WANT to see his son then he likely still won't, but you really need court orders detailing all of your rights.

Ashley - posted on 03/16/2016

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I agree. I will be contacts a few family lawyers this week. Thank you for the feedback. :)

Raye - posted on 03/16/2016

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You should probably talk to a lawyer. If he's moving away, then that would put the burden of any visitation on him, but he could still be awarded visitation. Court orders for custody/visitation are a protection for you and the child, so I would recommend getting it done. If no orders are in place, and the father takes the child and doesn't give them back, then that's a harder battle in court. Without orders, he would have just as much right to keep the child as you. Even if he's awarded visitation, at least both parents know where they stand. If he hasn't been active in the child's life before, then he may still decide not to utilize his visitation rights.

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