Need some women cheerleaders to get me through

Cc - posted on 12/23/2017 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi, moms. I'm a 30 year old mother of three boys age 7, 5, and 2. I'm engaged to their father who has a history of cheating. I was very naive when I first started dating him so I let him get away with a lot over the years and he's become comfortable. He started acting funny again recently and I found out he is cheating again. I got confirmation through text messages talking about sex they had and all. I was weak last time he cheated and stayed, but I need some words of wisdom from strong women to get me out of this! I'm already making excuses about how we live together and share a car and it's going to be difficult to kick him out. If I leave, I'd have to be far from kid's school. (My mom's house). Not sure what I need to hear, but let's give it a shot. Thanks, ladies.

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Michelle - posted on 12/27/2017

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You can do this. Making the first step is the hardest but with love and support you will get through.

Cc - posted on 12/27/2017

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Thank you. I finally reached out to a friend who is going to help me break the news to my mother. I avoided telling her because I didn’t want to upset her but it’s gotten to a point that I just want out of this toxic situation. I’m going to get family involved because he won’t do anything in front of people. I’m scared and nervous, but I know I have to do this for my health and my boys’ mental health. I’m sure I’ll be back up here for more support, though. If any of you are praying people, please pray for me!! Thanks again.

Michelle - posted on 12/26/2017

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If he is violent towards you, you need to report it. That way the police can remove him. You then get the locks changed and arrange for someone to collect his belongings.
You shouldn't have to leave, it would be easier for him to leave.
I also suggest getting yourself a family lawyer. You will need to get custody, visitation and child support sorted out ASAP. They may also be able to help you with getting him out of the house.

Cc - posted on 12/26/2017

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Yes, I pay 90% of the bills anyway, so I'm not worried about that. I'll just pinch pennies a little more to get by. I'm more concerned with getting him to leave and being around him in the meantime. He became violent last night and I just want out without filing a police report. I may have to leave my things behind and sneak out, but it's so hard to find a place in NYC for an affordable price. I'm doing research and praying hard so I hope I figure something out soon

Michelle - posted on 12/25/2017

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You do need to move on. You deserve so much more than what he is giving you (nothing). You don't want your boys growing up thinking that's how they treat women. I have to set my boys straight sometimes but I have the most wonderful role model for them now.
Do you have any family or friends that can support you? If you have to go to your Mother's it doesn't matter if it's far away from the boys' school, you will find a way for it to work.
Are you able to stay in the house? Can you afford the repayments/rent on your own?

Cc - posted on 12/25/2017

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I tried really hard after the last time he cheated, but I really feel like he just isn't into me anymore. I didn't even want to mention that he's been abusive in the past as well, physically and emotionally. I feel like it does more harm than good for the boys to see a man be so disrespectful to their mother. I feel like I've been broken down for so long that I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm pretty sure I went wrong by allowing him to get away with his selfish behavior so many times in the past and trying too hard to make him happy. I hear a lot of women say that they have no regrets after leaving a cheating/abusive partner and I'm hoping I can feel that good feeling soon. He's not even remorseful and told me that he likes her better. I guess that's my gift from some higher power to force me to move on.

Michelle - posted on 12/24/2017

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A therapist will help you build up your self esteem.
My ex made sure I had nothing and he had also made sure he had distanced me from my friends. It was a huge step for me to leave but I'm so glad I finally found the courage to. I should have left him 2 years earlier but tried to make it work for my son. I then had another one with him and I finally left when my 2nd son was 1.
I suggest you focus on your children and yourself, don't even think about a relationship with anyone else for the time being. You can do this, the 1st step is always the hardest. Give it a few months and you will wonder why you didn't leave sooner.

Cc - posted on 12/23/2017

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I think I've just been in this relationship so long that I don't know what a good one feels like. It's the only serious relationship I've been in, and I guess I'm scared that I won't find anyone better. God, that sounds dumb! I'm trying and failing. This fool is not even being understanding about it. He's mad at ME! I'm pretty sure I need a therapist to figure out why my standards are so low. I want to hate him so bad, but I just don't. Thanks for the advice, love. I will definitely keep my boys in the forefront of my thoughts while going through this.

Michelle - posted on 12/23/2017

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Why would you allow someone to treat you like that.
I have been cheated on but there was no way I could forgive him let alone ever trust him again.
You deserve to be treated with at least respect but you should be treated like a Queen. The right man for you would love you unconditionally and treat you like his Queen.
Yes. it's hard starting over again but it's so much better than staying with someone you hate. You need to get out of the relationship for the sake of your children. You will grow to detest this man and your boys will see it. Do you want them growing up thinking that it's okay to cheat on their partners? Do you want them to think that a relationship has to be unhappy?
You need to raise those boys to respect women and to be the best partner they can be.

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