Need tips on how to UN-spoil a super spoiled 8 year old girl. Can't afford a therapist. When she was 6 months old i wanted to let her cry out her night time wake ups like normal...teach her how to fall asleep on her own.Her father, my husband at the time, refused to listen to her because HE had to get up and drive a truck in the morning to i had to get her and make it stop. Well everytime she cried he gave her what she wanted to stop her from crying...i have tried to NOT do this , to only become the parent who is
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~â¥Little Miss - posted on 08/01/2012
Well, you are not going to like what I have to say about this. All I hear from you is that your childs behavior is your husbands fault. I hear no responsibility from you, just he made you. This is your daughter. If you do not like her behavior, change how you treat her. This does not mean punishing her for every little thing. It means sitting down with her and telling her what you expect from her. Talk about changes that you can both make together. Great so you divorced the dad. He is responsible for raising her on his time. The rest of the time it is your turn to create a different relationship with her. It will not be easy, but playing the blame game and washing your hands of her behavior is not going to help. In fact it will make it worse. Own that you have done things the wrong way, and change it.
About the crying at night and not sleeping. Some kids do not sleep well. Some kids need more comfort than others. Just because you went to her in the middle of the night does not necessarily mean that is the reason she was a difficult sleeper, Co sleeping may have been the best option for you, but that time is passed. Deal with the present and start fixing what YOU have done wrong.
Amanda - posted on 08/01/2012
If you want to change your daughters behaviour maybe you need to think about what changes you can make yourself.
Sit with her and write up a list of house rules that you both have to abide by and work together with. Like she can set the table while you cook and then she clears the table and you wash up.
She is responsible for keeping her room tidy.
Screaming to get your own way is not acceptable and a punishment will follow.
Maybe set up a rewards chart for her so she has to earn a treat.
In my house no means no. My kids can shout and scream and carry on but all they get out of it is time in their rooms to calm down.
Amy - posted on 08/01/2012
I'm not really sure why you would need a therapist for this, in reality you just need to learn to say no. She can be ignored you can just walk away from her, yeah she may have something to say but just ignore it. If you don't respond she's eventually going to have to stop, does she act this way in school or just at home? You keep blaming your husband but you talked about how he worked so he wasn't with you 24 hours a day, kids can figure out which parent lets them get stuff so in reality she's figured out neither of you would say no.
Shannon - posted on 08/01/2012
no no..the CIO didn't spoil her but alll the giving in to her every tear from then on out did. She was 3 and 1/2 years old before she slept thru the night because he made me get her. She has pretty much gotten her way for 8 years because her father cannot stand listening to crying. But when he wants to say no now, she literally cries as loud as humanly possible . she cannot be ignored, she interrupts and needs to get HER thoughts in, while they are in her head or she yells at you , no there has not been much discipline because her father swears by "free will". "the child should be able to express herself in any way she wants"...i believe that she should NOT have gotten every toy she asked for, and answered whenEVER she spoke, even if it was inappropriate. but her father treats her like this because HE was severely punished as a child and now does the EXACT opposite. I, on the other hand, was raised to help clean up, do chores, "NO, you can't have that, ask for your birthday" type of stuff. But we have disagreed on this for sooooooo long that we are NOW divorced, but i have to "fix" her now. she is very high manintenance and demanding because she gets whatever she wants and now I almost think she needs "things " in place of love. i am sad for her.
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 08/01/2012
First of all, i don't believe in CIO, and don't believe it has ANYTHING to do with spoiling a child. Spoiling your child means you do not discipline them, let them always get their way, and never told no. They feel they deserve everything, and cannot grasp the concept that the world does not revolve around the. This is my opinion. Not saying your child is like this. But your girl is 8 years old now? She is far from being an infant that wanted to be held while crying. It really has to do with the boundaries you set and how you raise them. Could you possibly elaborate on your definition of "spoiled" and what she is doing?
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