Need to vent! Serious baby momma drama

Haley - posted on 11/17/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend, has a 13 month old son, whom I take care of. The BM is hardly around. Yet she acts like she is the highest and the mightiest. I respect her in every way possible! She texts me every once in a while to see how her son is doing, and i text her back. Let her know what's going on. But the reason for the post is what she said today to set me off. She has court today and doesn't have gas to make it. She expected me or my boyfriend to provide her with money, we both are broke due to taking care of her child. So i said there's nothing i can do. So she carries on to call me a B*tch, and says all kinds of rude things to me. And what do i do? nothing! i take it! i take all of her rude comments and gestures towards my boyfriend. I'm beyond stressed and reaching some sort of limit. I chose to be a parental role in this childs life and did so fully realizing she will always be in my life,, but what do I do about this?! It's very hard to handle. Any advice?

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Chet - posted on 11/17/2014

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When people get angry with you it helps to remember that anger is not a primary emotion. Anger is always caused by some other emotion, or combination of emotions - frustration, regret, embarrassment, fear, sadness, desperation, jealousy, disappointment, guilt, etc.

You're obviously not a b*tch. But you're the easiest person to lash out at when bio mom has no money, no gas, needs to be somewhere today and you just said you have no cash to give her. This isn't about you. It's about her having a super bad day and less than stellar coping skills.

At the very least, don't take it personally.

Sometimes too, you might be able to figure out where the anger is coming from - she's frustrated because she doesn't know how she's going to get to court, she's jealous or feeling guilty that you and your boyfriend are responsible caregivers to her child when she's not. Knowing that it's not something you can do anything about can give you some comfort when she goes off. And if it is something you can help, you can try to offer sympathy or support. Obviously you can't give her money you don't have, but other times you may be able to diffuse the situation a little by understanding why she's so wound up and by trying to make her feel like she doesn't need to fight you because you're on the same side.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It would be nice if she was endlessly appreciative of everything you do for her child, and if she didn't make things harder for your. Clearly though, she's not a person in a good place.

Dove - posted on 11/17/2014

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You are both broke due to taking care of HIS child too. Not just hers. Now, it isn't your responsibility to pay for her gas to get to court, but maybe she reacted that way due to being stressed out... or she's just not a very nice person.

Does your boyfriend have a court order for custody, visitation, and child support? If not he needs to get one.

It is fine that you communicate with the mother about the child, but simply let her know if it's not related to the child then it's not up for discussion... and ignore her rants. The beauty of the phone is that when someone starts going off on you... you can hang up and ignore the call.

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Haley - posted on 11/18/2014

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so very true! and no there are no court orders or legal agreements YET! But soon we will be working on that. Lawyers are just so expensive. And i do plan on helping in any way possible to get custody. Even though I have no say so, i'll help the best I can. Thank you all for the encouraging and helpful words!

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