Needing advice about step-parenting.

Alexandra - posted on 04/24/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughters father is not her paternal father. I've noticed that since we have had a child together he is harder on her. Needing advice on how to talk to him about it without making it seem like an aguement (for we have had this conversation before).

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Sarah - posted on 04/24/2015

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Make an objective list of a times he was harder on your daughter, be very specific and try to keep clear and brief. If you are able to point out gently the exact times he went overboard, he may take note of the problem. If not, you may need to bring a third party into the situation. You do not want your child growing up with resentments. Reassure your hubby that this happens in many families that are nor blended as well. My hubby is harder on our third born than any of the others, I point it out and does not disagree, but he really has not fixed his attitude either.

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Raye - posted on 04/24/2015

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Parents should strive to treat all children the same. Even natural parents sometimes have favorites. My sister and I have different dads. Her dad was never in her life. My dad was out of the picture when I was 6, she was 9. Mom never remarried after that, and raised us alone. I feel mom was easier on my sister than she was with me. We are both her natural kids, but sometimes circumstances make a parent feel differently towards their kids. My mom doesn't feel like she treated us differently, but there are many examples that I know she did. So, I think what your partner is doing is probably pretty normal, but still both kids should be treated as equally as possible to be fair.

I think writing down examples is a good idea. That way you can make sure that he really is acting differently and be able to point out specifics to him. Something to think about, though: You might be reading more into it than what is really there because you feel sorry for your first-born. Not saying that's the case, but before you accuse him again, make sure you are perceiving things accurately.

Alexandra - posted on 04/24/2015

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Thank you Sarah. I have not done that yet. There are times he will ask me for an example and I am unable to give him an answer. This is very helpful. Thank you again.

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