Needing to vent about my in laws

Kerry - posted on 11/03/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have one month old twins and earlier in the week my MIL rang me to say that she and my father in law would be coming down on sunday to look after our boys because she thought it would be nice if I got out of the house. I thought this was nice but didn't feel the need to leave the house and felt a little un easy about it as I've seen them try to bottle feed them previously and it didn't go so well. I told my partner I didn't want to go out but when they showed up sunday morning we were pretty much forced out of our house, with my husband supporting my inlaws by just saying I have to get out of the house and that we need adult time together etc. So we did.... I explained everything they needed to do and they seemed fine.

We ended up coming home early to find the inlaws putting the boys to bed. They get a feed at 12pm and it was 12.30. They had both only drank about half of their bottles, and apparently were to tired for tummy time so they did not bother. The inlaws commented about how many times the boys had went their nappies while they were here and that the boys were hot. I went to go change the boys, my mother in law said that she did not want to change them into body suits because she didn't want to squeeze their heads through the neck hole. Their nappies were on them loosely both boys had them sliding off and their suits were wet.

I could not believe how my boys had been looked after. I then had to feed my boys, which they drank everything, burp and then play with them which then threw their routine out for the rest of the night.

My husband then had to listen to me rant after they left because I was so angry which he understood but hated listening to at the same time. Needless to say they will not be looking after them alone for a long time but I'm not looking forward to when they try to look after them again because they don't like being told no.

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Kerry - posted on 11/03/2013

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Because I already felt I was righting a novel, I didn't mention my boys suffer from very bad silent reflux so they need a lot of time spent on their burping, some times being worse than others. The boys also weren't tired they were very wide eyed and making feeding cues while being held by my in laws which is why I decided to take over and definitely had the energy to play.

By all means I will never refuse any ones help, never have and never will and have sat by while family members including my in laws have fed and interacted with them. This has happened about 12 times now so I am continually guiding and wanting to help them and make sure I do it in a way which does not offend because I do understand they have been parents before but they either ignore or come up with a reason with why i'm doing it wrong. So yes it has been a little difficult :)

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I don't understand what they did wrong aside from not being able to get the diapers on properly and being afraid of hurting them while changing their onesies.

Babies almost never respond to being looked after by others the same way they respond to their parents. It IS a break in their routine, and it will throw them off for a day, but the next day they will be fine again. Just because they drank every drop for you doesn't mean they would do the same for your inlaws--it was a new situation for them, they needed time to adjust. It is also very healthy for them to occasionally spend time away from mom, being looked after by other family members. It gives them an opportunity to form stronger bonds with extended family, which is known to produce more confident, independent, and empathetic kids and adults.

Next time they ask to come look after the twins, why not graciously accept, but tell them you'd like to hang around the house and catch up on your hobbies, filling in the baby books, or whatever, while they help with the twins. Let them know you appreciate their help, and you would love the break, but have so much you want to get done at home, and haven't had time to do because of the twins that you would rather stay in. Then you can watch them and help out when needed. The inlaws are not going to get better at caring for them without practice. Right now, they are new and you want every moment with them, but soon enough, you will be grateful for a few minutes away from them.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/03/2013

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Well they need to respect you're wishes. Those are your children and I would put my foot down too. I know how bad it is when the kids routines are thrown off. People may think "oh a half an hour ain't so bad" but really sometimes it is lol.
This is a funny joke I've heard, "what is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?"....... Outlaws are wanted! Lol.
In all honesty though I love my in-laws I just thought you'd like the joke :P

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