Neighbor drama

Heidi - posted on 06/01/2016 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My husband & I moved into a new neighborhood almost a year ago, our next door neighbor is a single father of triplets that are the same age as my son. I have noticed for several months that they won't let my son play with them in their back yard, they always have a different reason but more recently they have started telling us that he cant because there is dog poop. I realized that the last one he was over there, he accidentally stepped in some. Now, one of the ladies that watches them always makes a point to have them play in their back yard where my son can see & hear them playing & having fun without him. They are very rude about making sure he knows that he can't go back there, it makes him very sad. I try to distract him but he can't help but want to play with them. I don't know what to do about this situation, it breaks my heart to see them be so mean to him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/03/2016

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I agree with the others here.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Teach your kid that things don't always go his way, and find other activities for him when they go to the back.

Simple enough.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2016

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Have you thought that it's because all of the kids can't play together in your backyard?
I know it's petty and you have explained why but it could be as simple as that. Some adults don't grow up and they might just say "We can't play in your backyard so you can't play in ours".
To me, that's actually the most logical (even if it's stupid) reason.

Dove - posted on 06/02/2016

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They shouldn't be rude, but they are under no obligation whatsoever to play w/ your kid. I'm sure it is frustrating for him, but he's just going to have to get over it. Perhaps take him to a nearby park or sign him up for a sport or activity where he can be around other kids and he won't want to play w/ the neighbors as much.

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Heidi - posted on 06/03/2016

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Shawnn, I do find other stuff for him to do and I am teaching him that things don't always go his way. I have not made a mountain out of a mole hill, haven't even said anything to the neighbor. Just trying to get advice. Seems most people who have put their 2 cents in have taken it as though I want to force their compliance for my spoiled and friendless child, that simply isn't the case.

Thank you all for your input, I have learned a valuable lesson.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2016

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Heidi perhaps the time your son does play with them is enough for them and they move to the backyard for sibling time. It may not mean a thing, it is just the way it is. It isn't like the run and hide from you or your child. I'd let it go.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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Heidi--I do not know what to tell you. Like I said maybe they do not want him in the back yard for whatever reason. It may not be anything done or said or an issue. It maybe their rules.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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That doesn't make sense because they play together out front 3-5 times a week and for several hours some weekends.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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Heidi--there may not be any issues at all...that is what we are trying to say. Maybe tey just do not want your child around theirs.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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Okay, just to clarify, I am NOT wanting to try to force them to let the kids play. I do want to find out what the issue is so that I can have an opportunity to resolve it, that's all.

Dove - posted on 06/02/2016

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I still stand completely by my original comment. None of your follow up changes a thing.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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I get the point completely, but reading the responses I agree with the others. The kids do not need to be rude but at the same time their parents and baby sitter do not have to allow them to play with your son. Talking to the sitter might complicate things rather than make them better. You could try to speak to the parents rather than the sitter but again, trying to get them to have their kids play with yours might not work.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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Evelyn, I think you missed the point. Maybe read back through & see what I was getting at.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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Heidi--You can not force the issue. This woman is taking care of these kids for the couple who lives there. Maybe she is under orders not to allow other kids into the backyard or the house. You can not force people to make their kids play with your kid because there is no one else to play with. Find a club, sport, or something that is kid friendly to get your child into. Talking to the baby sitter is not going to fix the issue.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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No she used to play with them out front and now she takes them in the back & plays with them. There aren't other kids for him to play with near by so I think I'll go talk to her.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2016

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So since it is an issue with the caregiver there really isn't much you can do. If she makes everyone go in the fenced backyard, maybe she is only keeping a eye on them while she makes dinner or picks up? Are there other kids your son can play with in the neighborhood?

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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I do realize that they don't have to let him play, that is obvious, but she could let them continue to play out front for a little bit. I'm talking about the time frame of 1-1.5 hours before dinner. They all go to school full days so there is a small window of play time. Its not a huge deal, he has many friends but they are being rude about it. I'm not sure if I should go talk to her about it or not.

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2016

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They are all 5 years old, 2 boys & a girl. They play out front all the time. They can't play in my back yard because we have a rescue dog that doesn't do well with any more than 2 kids around, she growls at them & I'm not going to let her bite any kids. We do have her in training but until I know for sure that she won't bite them, they can't play around her, they know this and are understanding of the situation. The lady that watches them is a family friend of theirs & doesn't get paid to watch them. She is very short with me when I try to talk to her and almost immediately after she gets there she takes the triplets in their back yard. This is after they have all been playing with my son out front for a little bit and I am always out there with them. I have never been rude to her so I don't understand where her attitude comes from. If he were to play in their back yard, we share a fence with a gate, so it's not like she would have to "watch him". They all play very well together.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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I agree with Dove.
The neighbour doesn't have to let your child play in his backyard. If your son wants to play with other children then get him into a team sport.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2016

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When I had a sitter watching my kids I did not allow guests. I was paying that person to watch my children, not someone else's kids. So consider that may be the reason? How old are the kids? Triplet boys are probably a lot to handle. Have you invited any or all of the boys over to your home? Or offer to watch all four boys together in the back yard yourself?
What do you mean by:
"They are very rude about making sure he knows that he can't go back there" what do they do that makes you feel this way?

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