Never want this to happen again!!!

Nellie - posted on 09/07/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




I really really need some advice as to how to handle this, because I have no sweet clue. My now ex-best-friend and I and my daughter used to be so close. We've been friends all through out high school, and when I had my daughter, we became closer. My then bf was extremely close to my daughter, always around playing with her and so on. When my daughter turned about 8 months, I decided I had to get a roommate for financial reasons because I couldn't provide everything my daughter deserved on my own. So my then bf and her boyfriend moved in and everything was great for a while. They paid me rent, they did their share of housework, and my then bf was constantly helping me with Kayla, my daughter. Michelle, my then bf, was always playing with her, and taking her out. They become so very close. Then things started to go down hill. Michelle slowly started decreasing how much she was helping out. Then she slowly started spending less and less time with my daughter. Eventually it got to the point where she would go out, party all night, come home in the early morning, go to sleep, then come out in the living room and go on Facebook. Kayla, all excited to see Michelle would be laughing and going up to Michelle and trying to play with her. Michelle's response was "what is wrong with you today?" I told her that Kayla was very confused because she used to play with her all the time, now she never does. So things kept going down hill. Michelle and her boyfriend broke up, the boyfriend moved out. Michelle never did her share of household chores and had no job and no intent of getting a job. (Her boyfriend had been the provider for them) I finally told her to get off her lazy a$$ and start pitching in or else. She did, but only the very basics. Then I caught her bringing men home with her when my daughter was home, guys who would curse and swear. I had told her to ask me before she brings someone over when Kayla`s home, so that I can make sure that they wouldn`t create a negative environment for Kayla. She ignored me. Finally, I took her outside, screamed and cursed and went all dragon lady on her and told her that if she ever does that again, she`ll be neck high in shi$, she won`t know what to do. I also told her she`s moving out as of October 1st, but that if she breaks another house rule, she`d be moving out that day. She`s now hiding in her room when she`s home, going blueberry picking and doing house hold chores. But it`s killing me to see what it`s doing to Kayla. Michelle will venture out to use the washroom and Kayla will get so excited, she`ll be laughing and going up to Michelle and wanting to play, and then Michelle will not even acknowledge her, and you can see it in Kayla`s eyes. You can see the confusion and the sadness in her eyes and it`s absolutley killing me. I have absolutely no sweet clue as to how to handle it. Please help, I can`t bare to see my daughter this upset.


JuLeah - posted on 09/07/2011




I think your roommate needs to leave - so good on that

As for 'I can't bare to see my daughter this upset" ... Why?

Sometimes life is upsetting. Sometimes we get our hearts broken. People we love and trust let us down (not always because that was their goal) Things don't go our way, people change .... we call this life

Your daughter is getting the chance to start learning some of these lessons within the safety of your arms - how wonderful

It is okay to be hurt, upset, depressed, sad, angry .. all human emotions, never to be avoided (the price you pay is not worth the effort)

So, now she can start to learn .... she is okay, she can be happy - even if, even when people don't do what she wishes, people let her down, people change ... she can feel bad or sad and that is okay too ... she does not have to think less of herself based on this ... maybe she can even learn lessons about empathy ... when people act out in such a way, let us down, hurt us ... is it always because they are mean and stupid and evil and hate filled, and dumb and because they just hate us and ....

No, people behave in such ways if they are hurting ... you can't fully know what is going on with her, not really your job unless she asks for help and you wish to offer - not your job to save her or fix her - but have compassion for the fact that she has to be hurting, can't be a happy person because happy people don't act like this ... many chances to learn and grow here


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Alison - posted on 09/07/2011




I'm sorry that the situation has gone so sour. :( You definitely did the right thing by kicking her out (be sure to follow through). Don't worry about your daughter. She will bounce back. Children are SO resilient. And unfortunately, rejection is a part of life. What is most important is that her mommy loves her unconditionally.

Hang in there! And hopefully your friend will some day see what a jerk she has been and come back to apologize.

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