nevermind

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jenn - posted on 08/23/2011

675

1

47

I suggest you make sure you look into the legal aspect of taking care of a child that is not yours. While the mother may sign something stating you have temporary custody, it could quickly backfire if she were to ever claim you took her baby from her. I know that sounds crazy, but believe me, crazy happens! You can most likely get a phone consult with a family law attorney on what would be the best action to take to protect you, the baby and baby's mother.

Firebird - posted on 08/22/2011

2,660

30

521

Have you actually tried talking to your sister in law about this? If you try to take her baby by legal means, she may see that as major betrayal. I personally would never forgive that. But if my family offered to take care of my baby until I got another place to live, (and of course allowed me unhindered visitation) I'd be far more receptive to that offer.

LaShawnda - posted on 08/24/2011

10

0

0

Hmm. Sounds complicated, but I would be look into seeing what type of shelter she WILL be allowed into. Many do not allow sexual predators.

Carol - posted on 08/23/2011

371

6

80

I've left my kids with relatives for a couple of weekends and always left an "in case of emergiencies" type letter signed and dated for my relatives to use if needed. The relatives were named and my phone number was always listed.
As a mom I can't imagine that situation of not living with my baby. I've seen an 8 member family share a 1 bedroom apartment for decades. It's asking a lot, but isn't there any way you could take them both? Either way, it's a very nice offer.

Kristi - posted on 08/24/2011

1

1

0

You can have your niece's mom give you temporary guardianship of your niece. However, it will be hard to get services for your sister-in-law without having a child. Mother's with children can get financial assistance which could keep them both ourt of a shelter. Is she willing to get help?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

43 Comments

View replies by

Jenn - posted on 08/26/2011

675

1

47

Family law attorney consultation. That is the best way to get all your questions answered properly and accurately.

Melissa - posted on 08/26/2011

6

20

0

As far as the address is concern she can get a post office box. I don't think you would be able to get temporary custody of the child anyways. You would have to go for guardianship and the mother would have to agree to it. Best way for that is to have joint guardianship of the child.Then the mother will still be able to get help. Unsure why you want temporary custody? The child can stay at your house with out it. If you take temporary custody then the mother will not be able to get any assistance from the state. It has been asked what state you live in and you haven't answered that. This is what we can do in my state. For the best interest of the child and mother, they really should stay together, whether in a shelter or not, They do provide for families as well as a single person. Best of luck to the SIL and child.

Carol - posted on 08/26/2011

84

0

0

It is unusual for a female to be a sexual predator, but it does happen. I missed your previous post and putting aside the legalities, you are making the right decision in not inviting her into your home. The fact that she has custody of her child probably means it's not a problem in their case, so unless you find it is, please ENCOURAGE her keep to her child with her and don'tt separate them, and try to give her some emotional support while in the shelter.

Carol - posted on 08/26/2011

84

0

0

PLEASE, PLEASE do everything you can to keep mother and child together, whether it means accommodating them in your home or supporting them both while in a shelter. An 8 month old SHOULD be with his/her mother if at all possible. Are they nursing?

Carol - posted on 08/26/2011

84

0

0

Is your X SIL convicted of a sex offense, or how do you know she is truly a sexual predator. If she's not, or even if she is, is it her lifestyle (ie, prostitution for example?) or is she a molester?

Christy - posted on 08/25/2011

31

1

0

I don't really know how to say this so that it doesn't come out wrong, but has your sister tried getting help from any churches or religious organizations? I know that a lot of people need help right now, so maybe it's not possible, but I know that my church and of a couple church sponsered organizations that I have gone to for my friends when they needed help. Our church gives rent checks, pays utility bills, takes in donations for furniture, etc. That won't help with getting custody, but might be something for your sister (and you while you have her kids) to look into. Might help her get back on her feet. And maybe, I don't know the reason behind her becoming homeless, maybe they could help so she doesn't lose her home?

Dannielle - posted on 08/24/2011

1

8

0

Your sister would have to agree to give you temp custody of her child. I have a sister with two boys that she would not let anyone help her out. They all stayed in a homeless shelter. I tried to help with taken her boys in with my 4 kids but it was a no go. Good luck and hope it all works out for the both of you. God Bless!!!

Cindy - posted on 08/24/2011

0

0

45

Megan
Can your SIL get cash, foodstamp and medi-cal from your county or state? If she can, then it would be best for her to get it. Then give you guardianship. If she can not get aid then you should be able to get custody legally just by her and your brother signing a form and filing it with the court.

Jerol - posted on 08/24/2011

7

6

0

I just realized you probably live in a different state. LOL Maybe there is one that is similar for your state. Or type something like it yourself and noratize it and see if it will help you...Good luck!

Jerol - posted on 08/24/2011

7

6

0

I am in a similar situation and found a form that can help... www.lawhelpmn.org called DELEGATION OF POWERS BY PARENT MINN. STAT. § 524.5-211 Email me if you can't find it I will send it! Joldie526@charter.net

Kristin - posted on 08/24/2011

57

5

2

it sex offender then u don't want to just get temporary custody would go for full custody I'm surprised court hasn't taken the child by know knowing that that will make it even easier does child have law guardian if so court usually wants kids to be with family first so most likely they will look at your back ground and give u custody with no problems

Kristin - posted on 08/24/2011

57

5

2

my dad had custody of my nephew for a couple years dad had to get my brother to sign paper work then go to county building with my brother and make sure it all legal

Rita - posted on 08/24/2011

13

90

0

i wa in a shelter you ned yor children with you in order to get housing ! and to get into a family shelter! if she goes into a shelter with no kids she will not be in a family shelter and will only get a one bedroom if housing comes up you need to be in family shelter and have the kids with you cause they go by family sizer in shelter towards how many bedrooms and amout of money of funding and etc.. thats what i was told i took one of my daughters with me and cause i didnt have the other child with me i had low funding and was told only would supply for those in the shelter so 1 bed even though i got 2 kids i got 1 bed cause one child was with me and my bed but i had to buy all my other furniture cause i didnt go to there warehouse cause when i did i smelled mold so i didnt take anything ! you will get low cash and foodstamps only to provide for who is in the shelter it will not go by who is not going into the shelter. shelters have rules alot not many sleep out nights and no one can sleep at the shelter the shelter i was in was 4 sleep outs a month and they also have curfew and tons of rules and you gotta do chores.. its not easy it is hard! apply to every housing and sec. 8 there is around ! its a very long wait list !!! but anyways good luck..and hope you get on your feet soon

Amber - posted on 08/24/2011

18

32

0

I wouldn't seek custody... though you could make an offer to care for the baby until she has a place to live. Trying to seek custody would likely be hurtful to the relationship and the mother, who is likely already frightened about her situation. Can you not offer a couch or floor to sleep on? That's better than a shelter.

Melissa - posted on 08/24/2011

6

20

0

Megan i am sorry but there are to many confusing statements. In order for me to give any accurate advice i would need the whole story. Best of luck to the SIL. If she were to get any help from the state or enlist in any programs it will be hard if you and your husband has temp custody of the child.

Suzan - posted on 08/24/2011

14

16

0

Do not seperate a baby at 8 months from the baby's mum unless the mother is abusing the baby. You are seeking custody. Obviously the mum is not letting you take the baby voluntarily..so you are seeking custody against the mothers' wishesn once again, unless there is a case of abuse, shame on you to even think of doing this to your sister or her baby. You want the best for the baby....of course you do. Babies are cute. If you really want the best for the baby, help the mum in her state of vulnerability.

Melissa - posted on 08/24/2011

6

20

0

I agree with Carol, if you can make room for a 8 month old than why not put a cot some wheres for mom. They can be folded up and put away. This way would be the best way to go about it. Then your sister in law can be with her child, help you with the other children and maybe even share some expenses. A child should not be separated from there parents. Where is the father? Is there anything he can do? There are programs out there she can get involved with to help find housing. I don't think you should take the child without the mother it could be traumatizing to the little one.

Mindy - posted on 08/24/2011

1

20

0

Ask the sister to give you temp custody to keep the authorities out of the situation And keep an open line of communication with the sister in the long run she should realize it is best doe the baby

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2011

1

1

0

You need to file an emergency petition for modifying child custoy in the county mom lives if you can get mom to agree it. Will be even better!! Where's the father??

Julie - posted on 08/24/2011

3

2

0

I can't imagine how difficult your situation must be, let me say first. However, your 8 mo niece is the primary concern here. Does your niece have Medicaid or whatever health insurance program is provided by your state for children under 19? [In Alabama it's Medicaid]. If so, you would not need or even be able to add her to your family's health insurance unless you or your husband were made legal guardian. I've been a nurse for many years, and in my experience an adult bringing in a child to recieve healthcare has not been questioned without reason. Personally, I have 3 children and my mom, sister, and even my aunt on one occasion, have taken my kids to the doctor/dentist and it was NEVER an issue - they just signed in my child at the desk and waited to be called back. I'm going to be very frank with my next statement so please understand that I'm just stating facts - I don't think anyone at a hospital, doctor's office, or even the authorities would interfere with you caring for your niece especially since her mother has a criminal record for prostitution and child abuse. Good luck to you, I think you're doing the right thing for your niece.

Shawn - posted on 08/23/2011

11

7

0

I don't see why you couldn't get temp. Physical custody but probably should do it legally so you don' t jeopardize losing your own kids. Is your SIL getting any counseling?

Shawn - posted on 08/23/2011

11

7

0

If you feel that your neice is in danger, by all means do what you need to do to keep her safe. Best wishes

Terri Lynn - posted on 08/23/2011

44

1

1

I would make room and take them both in. How would feel if it were you and your family wanted to take your baby in and leave you in a homeless shelter? That is disrespectful and cruel. Her baby needs her and she needs her baby. It is HER child. Mothers and children should never be separated. I would welcome them both into my home even if someone had to sleep on a couch or cot in the kitchen at night. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated during such a stressful time. Growing up, we had a small place and my parents took in various people. We deemed it an honor to be able to help.

Shawn - posted on 08/23/2011

11

7

0

It sounds complicated..Where is the dad of these little ones?I wish you the best in this difficult situation

Shawn - posted on 08/23/2011

11

7

0

Hi Megan..I don't know what state you live in or what laws exist but I don't think you can get temporary custody of a child unless maybe your sister in law is a danger to herself or others and homelessness does not qualify nor should it. Many states have special housing for women with young children especially If they lost their home due to domestic violence then there are special shelters and support.

Sarah - posted on 08/23/2011

65

0

0

In California, you can become a guardian of a child with the parent signing one piece of paper and filing it with the court, it doesn't affect her parental rights at all, but gives you enough legal standing with the child to even be able to add her to your insurance. I agree with everyone else that taking them both in would be best unless the mother is doing drugs or something else that would make it generally unsafe for you to do so. If she is doing those things, then having child protective services get involved is the best way to handle it, in my opinion.

Susan - posted on 08/23/2011

8

0

0

I know you said you don't want your sister in law. However, it would be best if you could find a way to have them both. I know it would be very hard, but for the baby's well being, long term, try to find a way to make it work. If not there is a way, but it must be done through the courts....Good luck

Paula - posted on 08/23/2011

1

11

0

she can leave the baby with you for as long as she wants, you need to have her do a medical release so you can seek medical treatment for her in that case.. IF she is agreesable there is no need for legal paper work..

Carol - posted on 08/23/2011

84

0

0

If you can make room for the baby, why can't you include the mother? I don't think they should be separated unless there is no other option, or unless the mother doesn't want to be a mom anymore.

If you do take the baby for a time, are you going to arrange regular visits with the mother? By that I mean regular AND often.

I do understand what pressure extra people in a home, no matter how big or small face when they have relatives or friends staying with them. I love my mom dearly but she has lived with us for several years, and when I look back, we quit taking time for ourselves and included her in everything, including vacations. Would I do it again? Yes but with the understanding between my husband, my daughter and me that we need to recognize and take time for and by ourselves as a couple and as a family. If you can take them both with some modifications to your living situation, it's best for both. If you can take them both and balance your family responsibilities, that is better. If you can't do either and she wants to relinquish the baby to you temporarily, then I'd consider it. But I'd make every effort to keep them together first.

LaShawnda - posted on 08/23/2011

10

0

0

As far as I know you cannot get custody unless the mother has been proven to be unfit. Living in a temporary shelter does not necessarily mean she is unfit. Instead, why not try to help her find some type of subsidized housing. As a foster parent, you are heading down a slippery slope with this one, even if your intentions are good.

Maxine - posted on 08/23/2011

22

11

2

I do hope you are not trying to take this baby off her mother without her mothers consent.

Lisa - posted on 08/23/2011

13

66

1

Double check you state laws, but if you are in Illinois. Even with a babysitter for the medical stuff you can just type something up and that is good enough. Take it to a doctor and see if they would except. Also, consult a lawyer to see if there is anything you would need to just get proxy for taking care of medical and general care. L

Firebird - posted on 08/23/2011

2,660

30

521

So you're only going to do this if you're SIL says ok? This is easy then. As Holly said just do up a notarized document, signed by SIL, that states you have authority to make medical decisions. There's no need to transfer custody of the child or anything like that.

Firebird - posted on 08/22/2011

2,660

30

521

If your SIL agrees to it all, then she just needs to drop her daughter off at your house, there's no need to have a temp custody arrangement. If she doesn't agree, the only way you can get custody is to take her to court or get child protective services involved, and either of those would likely require her to fight the courts to regain custody once she is back on her feet.Your original post makes it sound like you haven't talked to her about this yet. Is she ok with this arrangement?

[deleted account]

As long as your SIL is agreeable then there really is no need for any legalities. You may want to write up a document stating that she is giving you guys permission to take her daughter to the doc or something (and get it notarized), but other than that I can't see why you would need something legal (as long as the mom agrees with everything, of course).

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms