New At This

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

7

0

0

I am 19 years old, not a step mom but I have an older boyfriend who I moved in with and who has a daughter from a previous girlfriend and she is 7, a bit on the "stuck up" side which is completely different than how I live or would have my kids live. Her mother is a 28 year old lives at home, collects child support and doesn't do anything for herself, she doesn't even treat her daughter respect or manners. So when we get Kayla on the weekends Friday-Sunday I deal with attitude and lots of stress, being a full time student and worker, the weekends use to be when I relaxed, but its too much of a hassle on the weekends. I get aggravated and try not to let things affect me but I feel as if they do. I love Roger we have been together for 2 years but the weekends are starting to come and I dread them, I dread taking her to my parents house because I am embarrassed by how she acts and don't want anyone to think that she would ever act this way if she is my kid. I just need help I guess, I don't know how to go about things, ive never interacted with a stepmom or kids with split parents. My family is all together, all siblings have their kids and their husbands, no one is there for advice.

8 Comments

View replies by

Gena - posted on 04/21/2014

303

1

655

I agree with Little Miss..My husband and i also have an age gap,but he was never married befor and had no children,and i was at a legal age when we met. I also agree that if your boyfriend knew how you feel about his child he should move on without you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/21/2014

21,273

9

3058

You are a live in girlfriend who doesn't want to play mommy and you shouldn't. You are not a step mom.

No it is not going to get easier. Raising kids is very tough, and your potential role as a step parent can even be tougher.

Personally, I see you still want to live the single life. I would recommend leaving now. This is obviously not a role you are ready for and shouldn't be forced into it.

If I was your boyfriend, and I knew how you felt, I would be breaking up and moving on. This is his kid. His child will be part of his life forever. The fact that you see her as spoiled is a direct reflection of his parenting style, so saying she is spoiled can be a huge insult.

Also, you have been with this guy for 2 years? And he is much older than you, so legally you should never have started dating.

Michelle - posted on 04/21/2014

7

0

0

Jodi, I am 19 of a family with no one with step children or anything of that matter, I have no one to talk to about this because no one gets what I feel because they haven't done this.

Jodi - posted on 04/18/2014

3,560

36

3907

I disagree with Dru. I can't say whether she has ever been a "step-parent" (or even a parent of older children) but I have been a step-parent to older children (and also a parent to older children) and completely disagree with the way she has suggested you deal with it. YOU should not be the main disciplinarian here. Your boyfriend is the parent, he needs to step up. You and he need to communicate about the issues you are having.

Also time outs should not be a consequence. They should be simply time outs for everyone to calm down. Time out is not the consequence of the behaviour in itself - especially at this age.

Michelle - posted on 04/18/2014

7

0

0

That isn't too much of her mom role? I am totally different views for things than her mom, and I just don't want to over step my boundaries.

Dru - posted on 04/15/2014

9

0

3

it will definitely get easier, it will just take some time. You will have to get her to understand that her attitude is not acceptable. Maybe try the time out method; since she is seven when she acts out you need to put her in time out for seven minutes. Explain to her why she is there and that you would like her to think about it. After her time is up talk to her about what she thought about. then tell her how proud you are of her for staying there the whole time and for thinking about what you asked her too ( if she does get up just keep repeating the process till she stays her whole seven minutes, it will eventually work). Make sure you get down to her level when you talk to her and give her a comforting hug after. it will take time to see progress but trust me you will.

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2014

7

0

0

She loves me, cant get enough of me. She doesn't remember her parents together and she is only 7, is it going to get any easier?

Dru - posted on 04/15/2014

9

0

3

try to find something that you may have in common and try to bond over it. She may feel that you are trying to step in on her family, and you will want her to see you as an extra not a replacement.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms