New Baby

Christine - posted on 10/22/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a 5 year old boy. We have been single (no father really, well once a month) since he was 22 months . He is the prince of the family. I am now engaged and just found out that I am 6 weeks prego. My son really likes my new fiance but I am worried that he will feel like the odd "man" out. Im sooo worried that he will not be ok about this. He says that he would like a baby brother or sister, but he is so used to being the baby of the entire family, Im not sure how he will react. I feel so guilty. My fiance and I are not living together yet either. Has anyone ever been in this situation?


Ariana - posted on 10/23/2012




It's important for you to try and make your 5 year old feel like he's very important and has an important job as an older brother. Sometimes a wide age difference can be helpful with kids getting along with their siblings since your son will be able to understand what is going on better than a toddler would.

Try to bring your son into the process, so feeling the baby, and picking out toys for the baby and things. Tell him what a great big brother he's going to be. Also since you're getting married try to have it so your fiance spends special time with your 5 year old. Even enroll either your husband and your son or you and your son in a weekly program they can do together (karate lessons?). Something where he'll get special attention away from the baby.

It's mostly important how you act once the baby comes. Try to set aside special time for you and him, even just 20 minutes a day. Have this for your fiance and for you so he doesn't get jealous about this being your fiances 'real' child. Have your son help with the baby if he's interested. So showing the baby toys or picture books. Don't force him to do this but giving 'big brother' jobs that you can praise him on is great. It's better to have a kid that gives TOO much help with the baby (mostly so attention will also be on them) then a kid who behaves badly with or away from the baby for attention.

Also be understanding that there will be times he's jealous, and if those times come tell him it's alright to feel jealous of the baby sometimes. It's hard sharing all the attention. Don't tell him to just deal with it or he has to get used to it (even those he does). Tell him it's hard to deal with all of this and it's ok to not always like the baby. He can't be mean to the baby or act rudely just because the baby is getting attention. If he's feeling sad he should talk to you about things and remind him that you are going to have special time with him (try to do it at the same time each day for consistancy, but even if you can't it's good to do it anyway).

It's great that you're so concerned for him. Try to up the importance of being a big brother and create special time for him once the baby is born.

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