New Baby with 2nd Husband and our blended family??

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am trying to decide how I feel about the idea of having a baby with my new husband. We have both been married before and we both have 2 children from our previous marriages. He has a son and a daughter (8 and 5) and I have a son and a daughter (12 and 11). I am 31 and I had my kids VERY young. I am an attorney and my career is very demanding. I had kids young because I wanted to really be able to keep up with them and be active with them. Now that both of my kids are in middle school and relatively self-sufficient, I don't know if I am prepared to go back to diapers and sleepless nights. My husband is a great dad....very involved with his children whose mother completely abandoned them two years ago. I think a new baby would be a great way to bring us closer as husband and wife and as a family but I guess I am being selfish. I struggled to raise my two kids through law school and on my own. Now that I am educated and financially secure I kind of feel like any free time we have can be spent together, traveling, or doing nothing at all. Do I really want to be back at the parenting starting gate now that the finish line is in sight? I know it must sound terrible but my whole life from teenage years on has been spent raising babies and going to school. I have had no social life and no free time. Now that my kids are old enough for me to have a little of each I feel very protective of it. Opinions....guidance....anyone???

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Sherri - posted on 03/23/2012

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But the finish line really isn't in sight since you are also raising an 8 & 5yr old anyways. So you will still be tied down for many many years, so really it won't be that hard to add a newborn into the mix. You are only talking about your bio children but aren't even really acknowledging the 8 & 5yr old in this mix too.

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Virginia - posted on 07/14/2015

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I'm curious what decision you ended up making. I'm also considering having a baby with my 2nd husband. He has a 9 yr old daughter from a previous marriage and I have 9 & 7 yr old daughters from a previous marriage. We have been together over 6 years now, since our girls were 3 and 1 and married for 4 1/2 yrs. I did used to think I was done having kids but now that I'm stable in my relationship, also much more financially secure and the girls have asked many times lol, after going back and forth on it for almost 3 years, I finally decided I wanted to. Then my husband decides he doesn't... Due to the same reasons most people decide not to... All the cons, having to go back to diapers and sleepless nights now that ours are so self-sufficient, extra time after they're grown in about 10 years, that now we'd have an extra 8 years of raising kids, extra cost of having another kid, and of activities any time we go somewhere as a family... I have weighed them all, but I just think that it would give us more to connect our children with each other and with us and that it's something we would all share and be proud of. I just don't know if I can convince my husband of that before it's too late. I'll be 30 next year and I had a plan all ready to have a summer baby right after I finish school in May. I don't want to end up regretting that we never had one together

Deidre - posted on 03/23/2012

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This is really a big deal. How long have you guys been married? To me having another child is a BIG decision. It all depends on what you have already told yourself prior. Many women say "I'm done having kids" and then years later when they finally think they've met the love of their life they change their mind so they can "Please" their man. There is nothing wrong with wanting to please your man, believe me :)



I'm just saying depending on how DEEPLY you've felt about NOT having anymore, I would be very proud to give your NEW marriage a fighting chance without the presence of infants. I will back you up with your decision. I, on the other hand, am always willing to have another child. I loved being pregnant. I've even went as far as telling my friend I would be willing to carry her baby for her. That's just me. Children are so wonderful, but I swear to the gods if I had the opportunity to be with a PHENOMENAL man who had his own kids plus my own and he didn't ask for any more kids, I would jump in with two feet!!!! Taking all precautions into consideration, I hate when the decision is made to NOT have any more and then when a pregnancy occurs it just makes me feel icky inside. I feel when THAT happens then GOD has a different plan for our lives and we should allow it to let it be. :)

Michelle - posted on 03/23/2012

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How does your husband feel about it?



I have a daughter from my 2nd marriage but my husband hadn't had any children (or been married) before we met. I had 2 from my first marriage and we decided together. My boys weren't as old as yours though but it has been a big adjustment going through the baby stages again.



I suggest you sit down with your husband and weigh up the pro's and con's and discuss what you both want.

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