Molly - posted on 05/31/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )
My wife Molly, has posted some of her concerns here and she and I read replies and look at posts to learn, gather wisdom and feedback. Since she and I have agreed to limit our social media to this site for now, I am choosing to post under her name for now.
I have yet to find "Circle of New and Nervous Fathers" so here I present my query to you mothers; Who seem to have wise words for my wife, and I trust you will have wise words for me.
Molly lost two babies before this, both around 11-12 weeks, so at 16 weeks we are hopeful that God will bless us with these children.
I have only sisters, I do have many male friends as I served in the Air Force and now I am a pilot with mostly male flight crew. I worship at church with a men's group, but none are fathers yet. I don't care to open my heart, or Molly's private life to my co-workers. I am feeling quite lost. I am a Lieutenant 1st class, a pilot, a soldier, a scholar, a man, yet I fear my ability to care for my wife at this time in her pregnancy and I am a bit uncertain of my abilities as a father. I do trust that Molly will be a wonderful mother, I watch her with our niece and nephew as well as the children from the base when I served she is quite obviously meant to mother.
I pose the questions below, be aware Molly will read the answers, but I would never keep them from her anyway.
At 16 weeks, does it hurt her or the babies, for us to be intimate? The doctor says no, Molly has never once denied me; yet I wonder if this is really the truth? Not that I could make her miscarry, but that I could hurt her? Molly is not a demurring, all consenting wife and I don't think she'd consent to relations is she felt scared, hurt or worried about the babies. But yet every time we are together, I worry I could hurt her.
Second, when I travel I find myself worried in an inordinate amount about Molly's safety. Is this typical for an expectant father? Men I trusted, like her coworkers, I now fear will hurt her. I recall the days she lived alone on the base and I did not worry for her safety, even with a lot of single men about. Molly is a capable woman and has reassured me many times of her well being yet I feel a sense of responsibility for her. I find if I return early form a flight the urge to visit her at work is irresistible. She seems not to mind but I never felt compelled to do this before. To go and wrap my arm around her and claim her as mine to the men in her office. In the past I would sneak in a nap.
Finally, any advice on how to remind her that she is my soulmate, she is first, she meets every need, that even without children I would be utterly content in my life with her. She fears losing this pregnancy, I know she does, she stopped playing in her soccer league, which she loved. She stopped working out. I don't frame this as critical, but I want her to be happy, enjoy her activities, not limit herself out of fear. I worry it is my fault she desires so to keep this pregnancy within her.
I know she will read this and tell me to stop, that she is fine, but why do I worry so immensely? I have faith the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, that our losses were part of His plan for us. Is this the typical rambling of a new to be father? Not to mention, will I parent well, will I provide enough, will I be able to protect my family? Any wisdom?