New mom needing guidance and support

Jean - posted on 03/26/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is a little over 2 weeks old and I'm feeling so stressed. I know he's still very little but I think the lack of sleep is getting to me. I'm starting to feel depressed and anxious which is making me doubt my effectiveness as a mother. This is my first child so I don't know what to expect. Do other moms feel this way? I do have family support but I just don't want them to worry about me. I also feel jealous when my family or husband can get Aidan to fall asleep or stop crying and I cant. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.

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Sarah - posted on 03/29/2015

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Hi Jean...everything you are feeling is quite normal. I had my first child 7 months ago..c-section. When I had her I felt really good...even while I was staying in the hospital...then I went home. I became depressed..as crazy as this may sound I wanted to be put back in the hospital because I felt more secure. I loved knowing that I had doctors all around in case of an emergency. Plus my hormones started to go insane. I would cry everyday over anything and everything. I even cried thinking about my daughter going off to college and my husband would reassure me that it was a long ways away. Some days I didn't like my husband....he would say something and I would find it to be totally annoying. My post pardem blues were not fun. I definitely was not a walk in the park. My daughter fell asleep for my husband so quickly and easily even to this day she does. I think babies look at their moms as almost like a food supplier and comfort but they don't want to miss out being with you. You are not alone I promise.

My suggestion to you is...definitely try to sleep when your baby sleeps I know it is easier said than done.Definitely talk to your husband...friends...mom or even your doctor....it won't hurt but it can help you. Don't hold back your tears! If you have to cry...cry you'll feel better you definitely don't want to bottle up your emotions. Take some time out for you and your husband for adult time.


It will get easier...for me the first two months were the hardest because you are adjusting to a new routine...a new baby...a new job as being a mom...a completely different lifestyle. Just try to enjoy every minute of it. And hang in there....I am sure you are doing just fine!

Goodluck!

Deanna - posted on 03/27/2015

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I had the same breakdown. Your baby can sense if you are stressed just like they did in the womb. Let your friends and family help as much as possible so you are not as stressed. If you are overwhelmed your baby will be too. If you have to lay your baby down in the crib, walk away and come back with a better perspective.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

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Honestly, I think that if there's any first time mom out there that claims she didn't have the 2 week old breakdown, they're fibbing!
I did have an excellent support system, a 'village' as it were of my family, friends, and neighbors. If I hadn't, I'm fairly certain things would have been much harder at first!

Chana - posted on 03/27/2015

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Shawnn you just reminded me about my middle of the night "Break down". I was sitting on the couch crying uncontrollably and saying I can't do this. Hubby comes out takes the baby calms her down, lays her in the crib and she is sound asleep. It was at that moment that we decided that pumping breast milk was fine(mine wouldn't latch on either) and I realized that I am only one person and I wasn't Supermom! It is funny because I had taken care of hundreds of babies while working in Daycare but Shawnn is right they weren't mine. Trust your instincts they won't let you down.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

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Honey, when my first was that age, I found myself one night just sobbing in the middle of the bed, in total frustration! I knew how to take care of a baby, not a problem there, but this was MY baby...and I was a total failure! (ok, so not really, but in my post partum mind...) I was having a hard time with breastfeeding, the baby wouldn't latch well, and I never did have a good milk supply...Hubs sat up, took in the situation, went and made a bottle, took the boy out of my hands and said "RELAX" You can't do it all, and that's why I'm here.

In other words, yes, this is perfectly normal for you to be feeling stressed and anxious! Remember, though that Aidan can not only sense that you're the main caregiver, but when you're stressed or anxious, which, in turn ramps him up easier. Like the others have said, be ok with handing him off to hubby or a relative to get him to settle when you're stressed or anxious. Its not that he doesn't LIKE to settle with you, but that he is sensing your anxiety.

This WILL pass for you! By the time you get to your second, you'll be an expert! Hang in there, girl!

Chana - posted on 03/27/2015

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It is hard to be rational when you are hormonal, even the stupid little things seem like a big deal and when you are tired it is twice as bad.
It's funny Michelle and I think the same way, go take a nap the dishes and laundry will wait. As long as you have bottles for baby and your are eating and drinking enough you will both be fine. It will get easier but I'm not going to say less stressful.

Jean - posted on 03/27/2015

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Thank you guys so much! I'm trying to be rational but I guess I'm still very hormonal. Thank you guys for understanding! It sure is amazing how fast they grow up. I do enjoy every minute with my son...

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2015

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Gosh do they grow fast Chana. My oldest will be 14 in a few months!!!!! I swear he was only a baby a couple of years ago. My baby (3rd child) has just turned 5.

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2015

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He will still know it's you when holding him.
Having a newborn is a HUGE adjustment and no one can ever prepare you for it. You should also take up any offers of someone else cooking or cleaning.
The best piece of advice I ever got was that the housework can wait but a sleep deprived Mother can make mistakes with her baby. Have a nap when baby sleeps instead of thinking about the dishes or washing. That's where your hubby can help when he gets home.

Chana - posted on 03/27/2015

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It is hard those first few months and like Michelle said don't try to be Supermom because it will wear you down really fast. Don't be afraid to ask for help no one can do it all alone that is why you have family. They love you and your baby and want to help let them do it. When my daughter was a baby the best advice I got was this when she sleeps you sleep. I know that sounds funny and it is hard because there are so many things that you need to do but trust me the laundry and dishes will wait and the dust will still be there tomorrow. You need your rest as much as the baby because if you are tired you get easily frustrated, nervous, anxious, etc. and the baby can sense that and reacts accordingly. If he falls asleep for someone else enjoy it is nothing to feel jealous it just means that he is secure with that person too. The jealousy is just the hormones talking! Love that baby they grow way to fast, my oldest just got registered for PreK in the fall and I'm sad.

Jean - posted on 03/27/2015

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I actually bottle feed so everyone's been helping with feeding him. I know I shoulndt try to do it all...maybe it's pride, lol. Thank you for the support. :)

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2015

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If you are breastfeeding then that's one of the main reason others can get him to sleep when you can't. He can smell you and knows that you are his milk machine.
I suggest making a time that you husband or someone else can take over for a few hours. If you have to express and give they give him a bottle do it. Make sure you get to have a decent shower and get some sleep. You don't need to try and be Supermum because no one is!!!! Ask for help, there is no shame in that.

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