New mom to be and now worry!

Jaynie L - posted on 01/24/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I found out on December 12th 2013 i was a month pregnant. It was a bit of a shock. My first pregnancy. My boyfriend was surprised too. For a week he didnt even come out of the room nor seemed to know what to say. I felt all these different emotions hit me. Im about to be 25 and never really thought about having kids. I can honestly say, i havent dated much. My current boyfriend is only my 4th since i started dating at age 19. I let my family know and everyone is excited. I am excited and scared at the same time! I worry about being a good mom and if i can provide for my child. I dont get much every two weeks on my paycheck.

A reason to worry 1) Medical history. The family has a long line of miscarriages in the women. I only know back to my grandmother, she had over 6 miscarriages until she had my mom. My mother had 4 before having my sister and i. Then 2 before having my brother a few years later. My sister had 1 due to a seizure. Seizures run high in the family.

2) the father. My boyfriend is 9 years old than me, and has slept around a lot. Back last year i found he was a registered sex offender (what he did was with a 16 yr old) and was actually put in jail for breaking his probation by drinking. I never even suspected it. Alot of ppl continued to grill me about 'how could i not know'. I worked at a gas station and worked over nights, sometimes going in any where from 5 in the afternoon to work till midnight or 1am to 10pm until 6 or 7am. Then a lot of times i was even asked to work a midshift. Between having seizures that kept putting me in the hospital and work, i didnt get to see him much throughout the week but always liked being with him when i could. When he went into jail, he called and told me where he was and he had me put on visition. I went to see him, more for an explanation. His known a man-whore as he called himself and admitted to sleeping around a lot. That made me furious but yet i continued to see him in jail between work and hospital visits. He got out in November. We both worked hard to find him a job. Finally he got one in just this January. His become distant and doesnt talk much when he comes home. I understand his tired and dont push it. Though, even during the weekends when he does get talkative, it has nothing to do with me and our baby. Im beginning to worry. I know this isnt good for the baby at all, but im not really sure what to do.


Chet - posted on 01/24/2014




A family history of miscarriages doesn't mean that you will be the same. Your risk may be increased, but people in your family also have a history of healthy babies too. You, your mom, and your siblings were all born. Try to take things one day at a time.

We have four children, but I also had two miscarriages. I spent the first 16 weeks on my last pregnancy certain that I was going to lose the baby, and everything was fine despite a lot of unexplained spotting. I know that it's hard when you're worried, but the worry won't help. Relax as best you can.

It's very normal for the reality of a pregnancy to hit the father later on. For right now, just be patient. I've known lots of dads who didn't really "get it" until the first ultrasound, until the mom started to look pregnant, or until they felt the baby move. Sometimes it's labour and delivery that really hits the dad like a tonne of bricks.

I can't really comment on the state of your relationship. People often make mistakes and turn their lives around though. It's really encouraging to hear you say that you worked hard together to find your boyfriend a job. If you can keep working hard together, and a life together is what you both want, I'm sure it can happen.

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