New relationship and my small children don't like him

Reanna - posted on 09/13/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So I've ended a 7 year marriage 4 months ago. I have 2 kids from this (6&7). I met a guy and he's all I've ever wanted in a guy, he's perfect for me. However, my kids are horrible to him. They cuss at him, throw things at him, tear up his stuff, say mean things and also say they are going to kill him. This is only when I'm not around. If I'm here they don't act that way towards him. He and I have talked for a month but he's known the kids only 2 weeks. He now wants to move back to Indiana. Should I convince him to stay and give it a lil more time or let him go. I just dont know what to do. I dont wanna beg him to stay where he isnt happy but i dont want the kids to think they can always act this way to get their way and they can do this always.

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Sarah - posted on 09/13/2015

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There are much more things you should be concerned about right now. Honestly you should not even be dating. You need to fix yourself and your kids first. 4 months after an abusive relationship is not when you should be dating no matter who or how great the guy is. You stayed with an abusive man for 7 years. You allowed your kids to be in that kind of environment. There is work you need to do on yourself and with your kids and a new guy makes that 10 times harder no matter how great he is. There is also something to say about getting into a new relationship that soon after ending your marriage no matter when it ended in your mind......it still took you until 4 months ago to end it, so there are still issues there.

Jodi - posted on 09/13/2015

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I am in complete agreement with the others. It is (1) way too soon for you to be dating anyone - you have healing to do to, (2) it is way too soon for you to be introducing ANYONE you are dating to your children) and (3) if you all have been abused, you should be focusing on healing, including seeing a professional, and not focusing on a man in your life.

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Briana - posted on 09/13/2015

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Hi Reanna, Im sorry but reading this it seems like your putting a new man before your children. Their ages are 6/7 not 16/17 or 26/27 they are still babies. Im going thru a divorce myself. My oldest son who is 5 has been in therapy since the split. When Abuse is involved Help is needed and jumping into another relationship will only Hurt not help the situation.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2015

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I agree with the other ladies, it's way too early to be introducing another man into all of your lives. It doesn't matter that he was abusive, that's all the more reason to spend time (just the 3 of you) together and heal from what you have all been through.
If he is the right person for you he will wait for you all to heal and sort out the problems you have first before getting involved.

Dove - posted on 09/13/2015

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So they were abused by their father up until 4 months ago and now you are shoving a new guy in their faces? GET. THEM. HELP. Get yourself help as well. There is nothing in the world you could add to this story that would change my opinion....

You are choosing a new guy over the emotional stability of your children UNLESS you let him go and get them help.

You SAID they don't act that way when you are around... aka... you leave them alone w/ him... even if it's just to go in another room.

If this guy is meant to be... he'll come back when you guys have had time to heal.

Sarah - posted on 09/13/2015

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How can you possibly be certain that this is the right guy for you after 1 month? He's known your kids for 2 weeks and has been alone with them? They have not had a chance to process and get used to life after divorce, let alone be open to new men in your life. Let him go.

Reanna - posted on 09/13/2015

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Not harsh but their dad was abusive toward me and them. He was never a father nor a husband. And my children are not left alone with the new guy. They have always ran over me disrespect me etc. Everyone has their own opinion and i respect that however there is much more to this story than i posted.

Dove - posted on 09/13/2015

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What the hell are you doing leaving your two young children alone w/ a man that you've only known for a month?! No WAY do you ever put a man ahead of your children. Let the man leave and get your kids into some serious counseling and behavior therapy asap.

They lost their father FOUR months ago. They still need to heal from that. You need to put your children and their emotional well being first. That's what a mom DOES.

There is no way that your children should meet any man you are dating (if you are going to insist on still dating anyone at this stage) until you have been dating for at least 6 months... and no way do you leave your children ALONE w/ him for significantly longer.

Considering that you ended your marriage 4 months ago and you already want to turn your children's world's upside down for another man... I recommend you seek some therapy for yourself as well.

Sorry if my comment is so harsh. I'm just in shock that any mother would be doing this to her children...

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