New single mummy and slightly confused :/

Alison - posted on 08/23/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi, Myself and the father of my 6year old son have just split after 9years. He has access to our son every other day and sees him on a Saturday once a fortnight. We both agreed to this mutually. He is renting a room off of a friend of his, I am aware that they are out a lot drinking and party on weekends and he wants to have our son overnight once a fortnight, I am not comfortable with this as my son is at an influential age and understands a lot of what is going on and I don't want him exposed to drinking and smoking and being there whilst party's are going on downstairs, I told his father that if he can get a place of his own I have no issue with overnight but he just ignores me. Do I legally have to let my son stay there or can I refuse? Please help if you can, I am 25 and a new single working mother and I have no idea how any of this should work?! Thanks ladies x

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Shawna - posted on 08/26/2013

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Unfortunatley we never truly know what the other parent is doing wih our children when we are away. If you trust him with your son then I say let him spend the night with his dad. Your child will make it clear if he wants to stay over again or not. If you do not trust him with your son then I would get a custody agreement in writing through the courts with the provisions in it for over night stays.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/23/2013

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Well, since you have no binding, court ordered arrangements, you can refuse.

HOWEVER, since you have no binding, court ordered arrangements, he can also decide that he wants the child full time, and only letting you visit.

Works both ways.

Get a solicitor, get the courts involved, get this laid out in a legal, enforceable manner. And, like kelly mentioned, just because there is drinking involved in the house where your ex lives, unless it is determined to be a danger to the child, it is quite likely your ex will be allowed overnights.

good luck ;-)

Alison - posted on 08/23/2013

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Thanks again, I will keep that In mind x
It's all very confusing for myself and my son x

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Unless he has a court order stating that he is allowed overnight visits, you can refuse to let him stay overnight.

That said, if you have no court order, he doesn't have to give him back to you either, so be careful when you leave him there.
He can also take you to court for visitation rights, and unless you can prove beyond a doubt that his environment is unfit for a child, the judge will probably award him overnight visitations.

Alison - posted on 08/23/2013

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Thank you! He says I cannot refuse, I know he will take care of our son but since leaving he is a different person and really likes to party!

Mary K - posted on 08/23/2013

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You can refuse.. Its an unstable environment. Which can put you child in danger.. your ex needs to understand Your Kid is a learning sponge and looks up to him so all that partying is not good for your child .. this is the crucial time for learning. Be strong things will work out.. if your ex has a problem and it gets out of control call the cops . No cop would ever let a child go in to that environment.. go with your motherly Instinct.. good luck.

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