Anonymous - posted on 05/24/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )
Hi all! I made this account specifically because I just don't know what to do with my step-sons. I'm 25, I have no kids (I wasn't ready); my S/O and I have been together almost 2 years. Due to his military service, deployments, and falling out with his ex-wife, he has not been present in his son's lives, for the most part. She did not want us to have the boys. Once I got them, I saw why.
The boys are 6 & 8 (K & 1st grade). They had missed 45 out of 90 days of school. Despite my S/O sending her 1200$ a month for child support (for 2 kids!!!), we had to take them clothing shopping as soon as we got them. They were both stained black from dirt (I scrubbed them each with a toothbrush for an hour), their shoes were ruined (no socks, feet were stained black- mortifying at Dick's when buying shoes), they didn't even have clean underwear on (holes, stains, etc.). She is a POS, but I digress..
Both of the boys have taken to me very well. They are very affectionate, they call me "momma" (they've been with us for three months now), they tell me they love me and smother me with hugs and kisses (sometimes I think it's borderline inappropriate, but I don't think they had much attention before, and I never turn them away when they ask for affection). We have them enrolled in school full-time, and they're in all kinds of sports including Lacrosse and CrossFit for Kids.
Obviously, due to their missing school, they were behind on reading and writing skills. The youngest could not spell or read basic words. I cried teaching him how to spell, "Mom" and "Dad". I am not sure what kind of abuse they have endured, although they told me that their last "Daddy" (My S/O's ex-wife's husband) would slam their head into the floor, and do other things. Now, if they are disrespectful, they get a swat on the butt, but we do not abuse them. We are currently fighting for custody. Those kids will go back to her over my dead body, although that is not the way that I want my relationship with her to be, but it's about their safety now, not her feelings.
Anyways, I'm sorry for the novel, but I think their background plays into the problems I'm having now. The youngest one is about to turn 7. He keeps peeing and pooping in his underwear, all day long. All of the new underwear I bought him had to be thrown out. I have gotten so frustrated with it, that I just put him back in diapers. I told him that it is not to embarrass him, it's just that people that still have accidents have to wear diapers, and when he can prove that he can keep his diaper clean, he can wear big boy underwear again. My S/O and I have had to teach these boys how to shower properly and wipe their own butts, among other elementary values that they should already have surpassed.
Despite me putting Luke (7 year old) in diapers three days ago, and him saying he wants to wear big boy underwear, he has had an accident every day. My problem is not that he has accidents, it's that he won't tell anyone. He will pull his poopy underwear back on after he pees, and sit in it all day. The other day he peed three different times, and when I checked his underwear, he had taken a full poop. I asked him when he did it, he said when he got off the bus (5 hours prior, and our house is right at the bus stop..). Last night, I asked him if he had an accident, "Yes ma'am." He was sitting in poop and pee for three hours. If we don't check him, he will sit in it all day. He had told me a multitude of reasons- he's scared of the toilet, he doesn't want to stop playing, he doesn't know why he does it, or the strangest of all..
Every time he does bad things, he says, "My head tells me to do bad things."
He also is much further behind in cognitive development than his brother, who is only a year older. He still cannot really read or write basic words, he cannot pay attention to anything for longer than thirty seconds, he cannot answer a question (he will just stare at you), etc. I am at my wit's end. We are going to have him tested for a variety of things, but I just don't know what to do. We are so embarrassed that our 7 year old is in diapers.. people look at us like we're parenting wrong and ask us why he's wearing them, but what else can I do? My S/O is beyond frustrated and I keep encouraging him to be patient..
Very Frustrated, Not-So-Wicked, Step-Mother