JDF - posted on 07/08/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )
I need advice. Here's the background:
I recently married the man of my dreams. He has a precious 5 year old son from his first marriage. I have been in the child's life since he was two. I love both of them dearly. My stepson lives with us every other weekend and every Wednesday night.
Since I came into my husband's life, and my stepson's life (it was not simultaneous - we waited six months before I met the child and was sure the relationship would be long term), the biomom has been explosive, unpredictable and vicious. The biomom regularly tells my stepson to call me "That Mean Girl" and tells him that his father does not love him. She has vandalized my car. (I reported it to the police, who questioned her, but upon her denial said nothing could be done.) She calls me a whore in front of the child (we have this on video). She yells and screams to the extent that it is traumatizing my stepson. This poor five year old often asks why his mother cannot get along with me and calls her a "mean mommy" and a "grumpasourus." It is apparent my stepson is very stressed by the situation, when my husband picks him up from her house, he gets very worried that his mother will start yelling and always asks if she will get made if xyz. I don't go to my stepson's school/sports events because the one time I tried to attend his t-ball game, she saw my on the opposite side of field, said "no f****** way is that whore here" in front of the child, pulled her son's arm toward the car, and made him miss his game as he was crying uncontrollably. (We have that entire episode on video as well). She violates the parenting agreement by scheduling events/vacations during my husband's time and does not let him make up the missed days. She does not notify my husband of extracurricular and school events, and he has missed several because of lack of notice.
I have often contemplated writing her an email, asking to meet one on one. (The only time we have had face to face contact is when she drove by my house, rolled down the window, and yelled that I'm a whore and an f****** slut with her then-three year old in the back seat - he still talks about that incident). My husband tells me that nothing good will come of it if I try to extend an olive branch.
I really don't know what to do. In the four years my husband and I have been together, things have gotten worse, not better. We are trying to have a child, and I worry how things will explode once a new little one is on the way. I want peace for my stepson (and for my husband and I). I worry about the little guy. It's clear this is having a hugely negative effect on him. Thoughts?