New Stepmom & Overwhelmed

Tayler - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I live with my boyfriend. We are both in our mid- twenties. His child (2 years old) lives with us half the week. This is a new arrangement for the past two months or so. I pushed for it because my boyfriend got up 5 days a week and went to watch his kid at his ex's house. After over a year of this, I was at my wits end and told him I needed things to change. So, they did, but now whenever I'm not happy with something, it's "what I wanted" so I "shouldn't have any issues." This has been very overwhelming for me. I love kids and love his, but wasn't prepared for everything that comes with living with a baby. I'm doing my best but feel unappreciated and unsupported. For instance, we were out (the three of us) and I wanted to go home because him and I got into an argument. My boyfriend said that if I left, he would revert back to the old situation where he went to his ex's house to watch the baby because the child wanted me there and it was selfish for me to go home. So now I feel pressured to join in every activity and outing. It's like life goes on hold when the baby is here. I feel bad for leaving, even just to go to the store. I am also confused about my obligations and responsibilities. For instance, the baby is no longer sleeping through the night. Usually my boyfriend gets up to put him back down, but all of a sudden this week he said it should be 50/50 between me and him. I tried last night but I was so tired I forgot to give him a new bottle and I didn't change his diaper. My boyfriend took over and then was annoyed at me today because of that and because I didn't get up with the baby the rest of the night. I didn't even hear him wake up. I have tried to explain that this is all new to me and I didn't get the crash course in having a baby that he got. He is understanding to a point but I'm really confused and disheartened. Not to mention I have always considered myself to be great with kids and very mothering, and today my boyfriend said I'm not doing a great job with his kid. Good, but not great. This is hurtful to me and I am really trying but I don't know what to do. I'm also sad because I'm really seeing that I'm alone in this and I always will be...if we have a child together, he already knows all this stuff. Am I always going to be left out and left behind? I need help. Thanks so much for reading.

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Tayler - posted on 09/24/2013

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Thanks Amber- it's so nice just to have someone on the outside saying I'm not crazy. Thank you!!

Amber - posted on 09/19/2013

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I'm a step mother too so I know exactly how you feel. Maybe try talking to him and telling him that you are new at being a mother and that you love him enough to make it work but you need more support from him and he needs to be less critical. Team work is involved in parenting. Its not supposed to be a competition.

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