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[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

My daughter is 2 years old. I have been all on my own since i found out that I was pregnant. Her father does pay child support. He has never shown an interest to meet her. His parents wouldn't even come meet her ever because they didn't want to upset him. He finally let them meet her about 2 months ago. Well, he texted me on Monday evening saying he would like to meet her. I asked him why and he said " because she's my daughter? and i want to?" and i said we need to talk about some things first and he said "about?" and i said eveyrthing, i don't want you in and out of her life. he said " just saying, she is my daughter and i have the right to see her." i replied back saying " I'm telling you, it took you 2 years to want to even meet her, i don't want you in and outta her life."" he said "that's not entirely up toy. if i need, i can take this to court." i said "why because i don't want you in and out of her life? Chris, I have never kept her from you and I never plan to." He didn't respond the rest of the night, didn't even open it. I messaged him again the next evening saying " Hello? We can't find a date to meet if you don't respond." and he still hasn't responded or even read it, but i know he's been on cause it shows him liking his girlfriend posts.
I'm just really scared that he WILL take me to court and that he'll win more than just visitation with her. I have been the parent that has been responsible for her and taking care of her every need, paying for everything for her, paying for her dance and also taking her to dance every week. I've never spent a night away from her. Ever. I've got out with friends TWICE since she's been born, and the first time I just went to a Vikings game with my friends, otherwise i don't hang out with my friends unless i can bring her with and include her. I have never kept her from him, he's just never asked to see her and his parents haven't asked about her or asked to see her since they met her 2 months ago. I just don't want him to get 50/50 custody of her, and i don't want him to get every other weekend, at least not right away. This little girl is my world. I spend every second that I'm not at work with her. I'm stressing out a lot right now over all of this.

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Dove - posted on 06/02/2016

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My ex saw our son once from 2 months old til he was a year and a half... and the only reason he didn't get joint custody was because he moved too far away to make it practical. You do not get to dictate how or when he sees his child. If he takes you to court he will get visitation rights and could even get joint custody right off the bat. That's just the way life goes.

I know it's stressful and it makes perfect sense that you are freaking out and not wanting to let her go.... but I would have saved myself a LOT of stress and pointless pain if I had taken the type of advice here when I was in a similar position 7 years ago.

My son still barely ever sees his dad and his teenage sisters are at the point where while they love their father they know he's really not worth their effort, but my son still LOVES his daddy.

She will be OK whatever happens. It's not up to you to dictate the terms of their relationship... it's up to you to help her through it.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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That is what you have to face when this gets to court. You have to see what the judge will decide.

[deleted account]

I don't understand why I would go let her life with him? & I never once stated that I don't EVER want him to have her overnight. I said I don't want him to right away.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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I said the judge may do some visits where he gets her for a few hours or a few times surpervised since she is so little and then do overnights. You are going to have to get used to the idea he can get her over night. How about you be the mom and have to let your kids go live with the dad because financially you can not fight for custody all the time because the money is not there and also for the fact that the kids need a stable peace of mind?

[deleted account]

Overnights when they've never met & even when she barely knows him? Um yes it's her father, BUT that's still gonna be a stranger to her. I want them to hang out & spend time together a couple of times before he has her overnight. He does take medication for his depression & it takes A LOT to wake him up at night, so that DOES scare me. Since I know first hand & from experience that his depression medication basically knocks him out.

[deleted account]

It is court ordered. & yes, I NEVER said she didn't have a right to know him. Like I've stated twice already, I have never kept them from rach other & I never will.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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Is the child support court ordered? If not that should have been done up as well through the courts. You have to understand that your conversation to him sounded like you were controlling everything. He has the right whether you like it or not to take it to court and get his rights protected to see his daughter. The judge is going to set up a custody, visitation and child support if its not ordered already. It will set up things for you guys to know your obligations. She has a right to know her father too.

[deleted account]

First of all, I am not controlling him. I know he has every right to see her. Like I said before, I have not kept her from him & I never plan to. I know what it's like to not have your father involved. & no matter what's going on between him & I, even though we don't hate each other or anything like that, I still would never keep her from him. No, we didn't set up custody or visitation because he has always told me he wants nothing to do with her. & yes, he pays child support but I haven't seen any in 4 months, so actually, he really ISNT helping financially. He is on the birth certificate because once we filed for child support they forced us to put him on it.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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{{Well, he texted me on Monday evening saying he would like to meet her. I asked him why and he said " because she's my daughter? and i want to?" and i said we need to talk about some things first and he said "about?" and i said eveyrthing, i don't want you in and out of her life. he said " just saying, she is my daughter and i have the right to see her." i replied back saying " I'm telling you, it took you 2 years to want to even meet her, i don't want you in and outta her life."" he said "that's not entirely up toy. if i need, i can take this to court." i said "why because i don't want you in and out of her life? Chris, I have never kept her from you and I never plan to." He didn't respond the rest of the night, didn't even open it. I messaged him again the next evening saying " Hello? We can't find a date to meet if you don't respond." and he still hasn't responded or even read it, but i know he's been on cause it shows him liking his girlfriend posts. }}----He is right. He does have the right to see his daughter and your conversation here shows that you are attempting to control everything about it instead of working with him. Did you ever set up custody or visitation? If not you should have done so and then you guys would not be at this point with him trying to see her and you telling him you do not want him to unless he is not in and out of her life all the time. Get over it. A lot of men see their kids very little or not at all. He is now voicing his needs to meet and start to be a part of his child's life and he can and will take it to court if he chooses to do so. You can not stop him. Is he listed on the birth certificate? If not he will have to have DNA test to prove paternity.

{{I'm just really scared that he WILL take me to court and that he'll win more than just visitation with her. I have been the parent that has been responsible for her and taking care of her every need, paying for everything for her, paying for her dance and also taking her to dance every week.}}------He can take this to court and he can ask for some sort of visitation up to some sort of custody. What is wrong with that? Just because you took care of her for the past two years on your own and all does not mean you are going to have say over how he sees her. You should cooperate and let him start out with small visits for a few hours even with you there until she gets used to him and then work it up to longer ones and even eventually over night. Even taking her to dance and paying for that is extra stuff. If he is paying child support then he is actually helping to pay for things for her every need not just you. It is not about you but HER.

{{ I've never spent a night away from her. Ever. I've got out with friends TWICE since she's been born, and the first time I just went to a Vikings game with my friends, otherwise i don't hang out with my friends unless i can bring her with and include her. I have never kept her from him, he's just never asked to see her and his parents haven't asked about her or asked to see her since they met her 2 months ago. I just don't want him to get 50/50 custody of her, and i don't want him to get every other weekend, at least not right away. This little girl is my world. I spend every second that I'm not at work with her. I'm stressing out a lot right now over all of this.}}----This is what happens when you have a child with someone and do not stay with them. Regardless of the past of not showing much interest in being with her, the judge is going to look at everything in the case. He is not going to go on your emotions and feelings about this. He is going with the facts and what is the best of the child. You better get used to the idea of weekends away from her because if dad pushes for it he can get it. Unless you can prove him to be unfit in any shape or form then you got nothing.

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