New visitation court order

Crystal - posted on 05/03/2017 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I need to vent, I have been the sole provider for my daughter since she was born, her paid $60 a month in child support since we first went to court in 2012 after years of struggling I finally decided to get it modified it increased to $309 but he said he wanted 50/50 and the judge gave it to him. So tonight is the first night my daughter is staying with him and he will have her until Monday. I cant stop crying I feel so defeated and heart broken I don't know what to do.

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Dove - posted on 05/04/2017

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50/50 right off the bat w/out any transition time must be so hard for you to deal with here. I'm sorry you are hurting. My ex doesn't have any custody (but does have visitation), but the very first time he had an overnight visit w/ our son (we have two older kids that were there as well.. thankfully) my son was 2.75 years old, still breastfeeding, and had never been away from me for longer than 10 hours... and the visitation was for a WEEK! It was extremely worrisome for me, but we all made it through. You will make it through this too. ♥

Sarah - posted on 05/04/2017

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Sometimes, good enough has to be enough. She isn't the sick little baby in the NICU anymore (5 months premature is not possible). Her dad should be brought up to speed on the IEP and she is old enough to express her preferences for her morning routine. It's a big adjustment for both of you.

Ev - posted on 05/04/2017

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But what you feel about dad is not relevant here. It is what is best for the kids. Do you think that I wanted to let my kids go with dad? Heck no! I did all of it for them plus was a stay at home or a working mom through their developmental years. He did things only when he had to and I was not there to do it because of work or other reasons. It is for her benefit. You need to sit down with dad and go over what is going on with her so he knows and can keep up with it. Also did you think I wanted another woman taking care of my kids not knowing how they would be treated? No, I did not want that either but I did not have a say and neither do you. He could end up married to this girl. If she is treating your child well and caring for her as if she was her own, then you have such a gift! Not many step moms are like that with the kids or even girlfriends! My kids did not get that!

I know it is hard for you to understand this now and it hurts because you have to let her go with dad half the time but it is what it is and this is how it will be until she is 18.

Crystal - posted on 05/03/2017

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Yes she needs both parents I was just surprised that the judge gave him this much time when he was never consistent with the current order but he wants both parents to have equal time.

Crystal - posted on 05/03/2017

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He didn't see her the whole month of April and before that it was only at his convenience. I just feel like I am a good mom she is at school every day on time I went to meetings for the last 2 years and finally got her IEP approved so to take away my time with her and he isn't going to be doing the morning routine his girlfriend is so I feel I got my responsibilities taken from me and given to this other women. He did allow her to call me and I was able to talk to her without crying. Khloe was born 5 months premature and was in the NICU 5 long months the longest she has been away from me is 2 days.

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2017

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I am sorry you are hurting so much. How scary and sad for you to be apart for the first time. While it is true that he has the right to parent, you are still human and it's ok to feel sad. Hopefully you'll get a chance to check in with her soon. Has she had a relationship of sorts over the last 5 years with him?

Ev - posted on 05/03/2017

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I understand totally what you are feeling. But the father has a right to have custody just as you do. More judges are seeing dads can be a positive role for their children if they want to do so. As long as there is no reason he is considered a danger or unfit, the judge will let him have half custody. You are going to have to learn to deal with it. I had to learn to deal with it. I made a choice 15 years ago that made the difference for my kids. I let them live with dad because they did not need to be in the middle of a custody battle until adulthood. It was not fair to them. I had been the one to do all of it for them until that point with dad doing it all only when he had to. I was lost. I was more than heartbroken. I did not know what to do with myself. I had to learn to deal with it. In the end, my kids and I are closer because of it. She needs both her parents to parent her and have a relationship with her. Put aside your feelings about dad and focus on what she needs.

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