New wife with traveling husband...any advice?

Ariana - posted on 05/29/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband left a little while ago on a mandatory 2 month trip: he's studying to be a merchant marine and this is essentially part of his training. I'm supportive, and I have my own career prospects to focus on, my own friends I can visit, but it just feels super horrible. I'm trying not to let on about it (because what'll it do except also make him feel shitty?). I'm pretty young (23) and we got married just about 10mo ago. We were dating for about 3yrs prior--I've known him since we were in high school. He's a wonderful person and one of the most ethically minded people I've ever met.
He was pretty good about calling for the first half of the trip, and I know he's on a ship sharing a few satellite cellphones with a few hundred other folks, but in the past few weeks, after his first landing he doesn't call quite so often, just an email saying that he misses me and that he's bored being on the ship. I'm not sure if it's my own stress making me nervous (work just got really intense lately), if he really just IS waiting for the time to be up, or if he may have cheated with someone when he landed for a few days... He has a friend who we've both known for a long time he wanted to visit--I like her, she's smart and wonderful, but she's completely his type and she hasn't really had any compunction about cheating on her boyfriends in the past. He hasn't called much since he visited with her (maybe a little over a week ago). I feel like I'm just completely paranoid. I figured if he would have cheated with her, he could have done it any number of times in the past...
He's a wonderful person, really old fashioned--he walked me home when it was late (both before and after we started dating each other), has always been supportive of my goals and ambitions in science, encourages conversation, likes to spend time with me and my in-laws as a group, has been great to my family, and is generally loving and happy to see me every time I talk to him. Frankly, I feel really lucky. This is why the anxiety about him being away feels so disquieting. Any advice? Should I just try and stop worrying? I guess I'm insecure about being forgotten about since we just got married and everything feels really new to the both of us.


Ev - posted on 05/30/2016




I agree with Michelle on this one. You sound like you are reading too much into it. As far as being a merchant marine or even in other branches of service like that when one of a couple is gone for months and even years on end, sometimes you do not hear from them for a long period of time. Does not mean they are doing things you hope they are not. Sometimes the mission or training is such that they can not talk about it and communication outside their destination is not allowed by orders, connections to communicate may be limited such as getting a line out, time allotted to communicate such as schedules and things like that may make it so he only gets it once a week and email is all he gets not a phone call. You have to understand that when someone is in the military setting.

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2016




You need to find a way to cope with him being away and don't read too much into him not contacting you.
You have explained why he would find it hard to contact you so I think you are being paranoid. You have to trust him unless he has done something in the past that broke your trust.


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Ariana - posted on 05/30/2016




Naw, he's generally really reliable and trustworthy--thanks! I think I just needed some reassurance, this is all really new to me...

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