Newly divorced mom DROWNING!!!

C - posted on 10/26/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Help?? I am a divorced mom of three. I was married for 13 years. Dating and friendships have been a disater. Is there a light at the end of this dark lonely tunnel?

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Amy - posted on 10/28/2013

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After my divorce which was quick but still very stressful, I walked away with quite a bit if baggage because I wanted out as quickly as possible I spent the time focusing on me. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship with anyone and needed to focus on me and my kids. I joined a gym and started working out as much as possible. I started running too when I found the time. I pampered myself as much as possible by getting my hair done. I spent time doing fun stuff with my kids, it had been a long time since I felt carefree and it was important that they see that it was better this way.

I connected with old friends and made some new ones. I've learned to be happy by myself and just started dating within the last couple months, initially it was just to meet someone to hang out with I didn't want anything serious that required work, I wanted to be carefree and fun. I've actually recently met someone who I'm dating now but it's still fun, I don't want any drama and I'm taking it slow. He knows I have kids but he hasn't met them and I'm not sure that he will anytime soon but I definitely think you need to focus on you for awhile before you start worrying about dating again.

Claire - posted on 10/27/2013

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You are so welcome. Hang in there, you will be fine. Just take baby steps. Are you familiar with Louise Hay? She has amazing affirmations.

C - posted on 10/27/2013

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Thank you so much! Five years WOW! Mine took two and I thought that was a long time!

Claire - posted on 10/26/2013

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I believe things will improve. I myself just completed a 20 yr marriage plus a five yr court battle that drained me. What I've learned is that by dating right away...we tend to select the same type of guys dressed in a different package. I learned it the hard way plus we aren't emotionally strong for someone else. We have been depleted from everyone needing us (courts/lawyers/kids, exes, and the new boyfriends come with expectations and their baggage too. Learn to spoil yourself whether it's doing your nails, hair, etc and don't count on anyone else making you happy. This is your time to be selfish. Enjoy it. I'm doing Zumba and boy i feel energized by it. Bikram yoga is also amazing for detoxing, stress relief, etc. Once you start doing the hobbies you enjoy, accomplishing things you've always wanted to do on your own...you will feel empowered. People will begin to feel your new you. Your new and vibrant energy and optimistic self and you'll see you will be a magnet not only to guys but even future friends. Just be healthy and love yourself. You'll see, it will all work out

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