Newly single Twin Mummy ... scared

Katie - posted on 09/13/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi, I have recently become a single mum of 8 month old twin boys after their dad's anger and laziness got to much to put up with, I'm really just after some support and reassurance that it will be ok. Within the last few days I have had to change my numbers etc. but he will take the child's away from me :-( and I am in the process of moving house with 2 small boys, my heads all over the place and I'm scared/sad/angry/low

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Janishoffman - posted on 09/15/2013

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Hi Katie,
I just joined..
My husband and I separated when our identical twin boys were the same age. They are now 3.5 and divorce finalized in June.
Please feel free to contact me offline at janishoffman2@gmail.com

Casey - posted on 09/13/2013

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i would get some free legal services about child custody. don't fight this alone. you are their mother. I felt the same. i am scared, sad, angry just thinking about my court mediation coming this Monday. but i call all my friends and take care of myself. write everything on paper, it will help clear the fog in your mind.

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Casey - posted on 09/19/2013

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Sorry to hear about your situation Janis,

She filed for motion about custody and visitation so i hired a lawyer immediately. before i left i took half of our joint account to support my legal expenses. Court on Monday was emotionally exhausting. she lied and lied. She got joint legal custody and 5 days visitation for every two weeks. I left with double the child and spousal support. my next step is getting a clearer # of her income and assets and divide all other joint assets.

I learned that the court seem to have "innocent until proven guilty" attitude. I wanted full physical custody and assume that the court read every reason i submitted but they don't or they don't remember. next time i will write them down. I wrote down what i wanted and some reasons but apparently, telling the mediator how the other person makes us powerless works too. now pray EX loves and takes care of my child (my egg, i carried him, i gave birth to him). if not, i will fight for what is best for my son.

Janishoffman - posted on 09/16/2013

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I dragged it out as long as possible so I could hang on to health insurance. Now I am uninsured and dealing with medical issues. We also were in dispute over 13 frozen embryos:(... I was representing myself through some of it because of financial issues. Do you have an attorney? If so, have they gone over everything? I had 2 different attorneys who were equally inept. It's really important to know ALL the possible scenarios...
Keep me posted.
Sincerely,
Janis

Casey - posted on 09/15/2013

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gosh Janis, it why did it took so long for the separation? I hope mine wont be that long. i have court hearing tomorrow to discuss child custody. wish me luck

Jodi - posted on 09/13/2013

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I agree with Casey. Get yourself a lawyer and make sure you get your custody arrangements down on paper, then you have the ability to legally enforce any visitation arrangement the father may have (because he DOES have the right to visitation). It will also mean you will receive child support. The court orders will be legally enforceable, and will also mean that if he DOES take the children and not give them back, you have a legal leg to stand on. As it stands, you have got nothing and if he chose to take the boys, he has every right to do so, just as you have.

Good luck!

Casey - posted on 09/13/2013

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yeah, you are right. the right thing to do can be the hardest thing to do but you did it. things will be different. remember to positive self talk yourself every moment. each moment will add up to more time and change. staying or leaving him would have things you like and don't like. it will not be easy b/c you are still connected to him by the children. i am sure you know this and thought this through, their safety and your safety is important. you did what you thought was best.

Katie - posted on 09/13/2013

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Thank you, I do think if I had stayed with him it would be me and no objects he would be getting violent with. so I know deep down it was the right decision for me and my boys but I am finding emotionally draining, I hope when I have moved and settle down thing will be better but I also think that is when I may start missing the company (not specifically him)

Casey - posted on 09/13/2013

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Sorry to hear about that Katie. you are not alone. some partners just gets worse and worse after the babies are out.

I hope that you have friends and family to help you care for your twins during this rough time. it will take time for things to get better. hang in there. if you can give birth to twins, you can get past anything.

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