newly single w/2 year old.

Jennifer - posted on 07/17/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Dad is totally out of the picture. I am struggling. Any advice on how I could make this easier on myself and her? do I tell her "hey your daddy makes bad choices and can't see us anymore? " She asks where dada is and I just told her he is sick, I'm sure she doesn't understand does she? I have no male role model in her life. I don't want her to have daddy issues like me. lol.

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Guest - posted on 07/17/2014

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I agree with Jodi. Don't say "he makes bad decisions" because that will paint him in a bad light, and if and when he does clean up, it will make it very difficult for her to forge a good relationship with him. Saying "He is not at a place in his life where he can be a father" is better for several reasons. First, it takes all blame off of her--and she WILL eventually question her role in his absence, but for now, this keeps the focus on him. Second, it doesn't say anything negative about him as a whole person--it leaves room for him to grow into a man who CAN be a father....someday. So when he is ready, and she needs a relationship with him, she will be able to form one without being torn between loving him, and trusting your opinion of him. In other words, if she finds herself loving her father, and knows that you've only said negative things about him, she will feel torn and her relationship with both of you will suffer because you will begin to lose credibility, and she will not know which of you to trust.

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Jodi - posted on 07/17/2014

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That's not to say he won't clean up. You should try to arrange for at least supervised visitation for them. But yes, you can let her know that daddy just isn't ready to be a daddy right now but he loves her very much. She doesn't need to know any more than that.

Jennifer - posted on 07/17/2014

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He will not be back unless he takes me to court. He is a heroin addict. He is not good for her, in my opinion. He hasn't called her in almost 2 months. But when we were a family, her daddy was the light of her life.

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2014

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Just tell her he loves her very much but right now he isn't ready to be a daddy and can't be here. She doesn't need to know more than that. Is dad out of the picture because he doesn't want to be there? Is it possible dad might come back? Because those things make a difference on how to handle it too.

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