Nice to know I'm not alone

Lynne - posted on 12/02/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My oldest daughter is 39. She seems to fit the pattern of a narcissist.
No matter what I have done for her it was never enough. She has always been jealous of her younger sister. They are 5 1/2 years apart. For over 10 years I've been given the silent treatment for months at a time however it is almost a year since I have talked to her. She won't answer my phone calls or text messages. Her dad has been our go between as she will talk to him when he is on his cell phone but he doesn't question her behavior. He doesn't like confrontations.
Her in laws have had issues too. She didn't invite them to the wedding as she was afraid they would either drink too much, or pull some kind of prank on them. I think she has tried harder for them ever since.
Last year I helped her by babysitting and driving my grandsons to and from school, a week at a time, as she lives an hour away. I had them all over as well as my son in law's parents for Thanksgiving. We weren't invited for Christmas but could come visit a couple of days later, which was the last time we saw her or for the most part, our grandsons.
From what I have been reading, it doesn't sound like it will ever change. She has been treated for depression for many years and we have both gone through counseling quite a few times. Has anyone ever had times turn around?

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Eileen - posted on 12/03/2015

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Hi Lynne,seems you are in the same position as me, i am thinking the same as you as well,its hard when you love them,,big hugs Lynne and hope things turn out good for and your Daughter.xxx

Eileen - posted on 12/02/2015

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So sorry to hear this..im in this situation with my daughter,big hugs and hope things go well for you x

Nancy - posted on 12/02/2015

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Sorry to hear about your struggles. She is your daughter and definitely loves you in her heart. It's possible that she's an independent person and doesn't like help or may be she is busy with other stuff. Give her time hopefully she will get you involved more. I hope things work out for you two. Best wishes!

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Lynne - posted on 12/21/2015

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Thanks Eileen. It's been hard especially at this time of year. Last week she told my husband (her dad) that he is welcome to come up and visit them and see our grandsons but It am not. That really hurts. Who has she always called when she was hurt or needed something? Me and now I am not welcome. She also told him that I am a bad influence on the boys. He didn't ask her what that was supposed to mean but I would like to know what she is thinking. I was good enough for babysitting last year as well as helping my 10 year old grandson with his homework but all of a sudden I'm a bad influence? So frustrating and hard.
Big hugs to you too Eileen.

Lynne - posted on 12/02/2015

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Thanks Eileen. Big hugs to you too.
Raye you are right. She is an adult. In the past I have often heard from my daughter when she wants or needs something and I have tried to be there for her and support her. I have not expected anything in return however, after several disrespectful incidents, it is hard to continue to be supportive. The few times I have asked if she could help, she has refused. I am changing my boundaries with her and evidently she has set hers with me. I hope some day we can talk and work things out, but not the way they are presently.

Eileen - posted on 12/02/2015

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Hi we ask for nothing back from her ,only that we like to see her happy when she is happy we are are happy,thanks for listening.

Raye - posted on 12/02/2015

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Basically, she is an adult, and can decide who she allows in her life at any given time. You might just need to give her space. Yes, you've done a lot for her and she should be grateful for that. But are you only nice to her to get some kind of reward? If you love her, you will be there for her if/when she decides to come around. However, you don't have to let her walk all over you at her own selfish whim. If she is disrespectful to you, then she shouldn't count on you for assistance, or that assistance may come with conditions that she must meet, or else not receive your help.

Lynne - posted on 12/02/2015

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Thanks Nancy. I really hope so. She will always be in my heart and it saddens me that we are estranged. Thank you for your good wishes!

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